Be good — no, that's no fun

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• “Doctor Buddha's orders”

  In brief: A new Buddhist refuses a drink at a work party — 'I'm a Buddhist' — and a colleague replies that Buddhism is all about letting go, so let…

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  there was this one guy who used to come here, and he said that when he started keeping his five precepts and gave up drinking alcohol, it was very difficult for him because the first time he went to a party or a reception, one of his work friends gave him some alcohol and he said, "No, I can't take it cuz I'm a Buddhist." And his friend said, "Oh, you're a Buddhist? Yeah, I know about Buddhism. I really respect Buddhism. Buddhism is all about letting go. Come on, let go. Have a beer." So, he's caught out. That's the trouble that people know a little bit about Buddhism. They don't know enough. So, he had to take the beer that time. He was put in a spot, but afterwards he told me that he found the solution. Cuz the next time he went to a reception or a party at work and someone offered him a drink, he said, "No, I can't take the alcohol. Doctor's orders." And people left him alone. Because now, if it's doctor's orders, it's a medical condition, no one would actually challenge you. But when he told me that, I actually criticized him back. I said, "Aren't you keeping one precept by breaking another? You're lying. There's nothing wrong with you. You're perfectly healthy." But then he actually he actually taught me some Buddhism because now, he was what So, I make mistakes sometimes. Please correct me sometimes if I make a mistake and he actually taught me more because it was true. He said, "Look, don't you remember Ajahn Brahm? In many of those old teachings of the Buddhas, the sutras, many, many times he actually compared himself to a doctor." And so, it was a doctor's orders. Doctor Buddha's orders.

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• I'm the treasurer — I can squeeze five more drops

  In brief: At a Northbridge pub an ex-Olympic wrestler offered free drinks to anyone who could squeeze five more drops from a lemon he had already…

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  there was a pub here in Perth there's a pub it's in in Northbridge a rough area well not really rough area but you know so the nightclub area and in that Pub they had a competition the bar man of that Pub the owner he used to be an Olympic wrestler and I retired so you've got a pub and he had a standing competition once he squeezed a lemon into you know a drink if anybody could actually squeeze five drops out of that lemon that have free drinks for the rest of the night because he was so tough when he squeezed a level you couldn't get anything else out and they had these tough bikie gang leaders they tried it this huge guys Taps all over them squeeze the lemon they couldn't get anything out after the the excess Olympic um wrestler uh squeezed it sometimes had his bodybuilders like Arnie Schwarzenegger sometimes these you know professional boxes weight lifters they all tried you know the footballers Eagles captains and and Fremantle Dockers no one could actually squeeze any drops out of until this one guy came in a suit one evening a really thin weak guy maybe about 40 50 years of age he said I want to try this and about it's forget it look at you got no muscles on you you won't be able to squeeze this out it says yes I can I can do this and so he got the lemon and he started squeezing him and squeezing it one drop came out true drops came out five drops came out they couldn't believe it how such a 50 or 60 year old guy I forget how old he is because squeeze all these drops out of her head and said who the heck are you and he said I'm the treasurer of Australia

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• No side entrance — through the public bar

  In brief: Lions Club talk at the back of a Pinjarra pub; he expects a side door for the monk — there is only one way in, straight through the public…

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  pub in Pinjara many years ago. There was I know these little stories about monks just getting into trouble. Not real big trouble, but I was giving a talk at the Lions Club and it was in the back room of a pub. That's where they have these talks. And I thought there'd always be like a side entrance around the back. we can go around the back and said, "No, there's only one way in and out to that room through the bar." And so, so the driver dropped me off at the entrance cuz we're not allowed to drive at the entrance. They went off to do something, pick you up later. And I was outside the pub in my [laughter] Thank you for laugh encouraging in my robes, not knowing what to do next. and he said, "Oh, the horse in the back." And I could actually, it's a straight line. I could see it through the door down the back where that room was. Okay, let's go for it. Very courageous. So, I put my head down. I didn't look to the left, the right, and I just went for it. And I almost almost got there almost like 80% of the way. And then somebody hand on my shoulders, pulled me around. Braum, what you drinking? Do you want a beer?

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• The Grax gravy monk who levitated

  In brief: Old Aussie TV gravy ad: line of Theravāda-looking monks; abbot (dead ringer for Ajahn Jagaro) rejects food, produces Grax from under the…

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  advertisement for this gravy called grax do still have grax gravy yeah we know what the advertisement was is on TV they had this line of Buddhist monks you know like like us not Tibetan Monks but you know this terada Forest monks a line of monks and the head monk apparently he was a dead ringer for my predecessor aan Jak the same glasses the same face and the people offered this this food and the abber looked at the food with great disgust and it wasn't tasty enough and from under his robe he got out a packet great Vox and he sent it to the novice and the novice made up the graay box and then the Habit poured it over his food that was so delicious he actually on the TV he levitated up in the air

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