The PA system that wasn't plugged in

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• The nun who hit the jackpot

  In brief: Driving a famous Buddhist nun to Heathrow after a retreat, her driver puts spare coins in a pub fruit machine and, saying the nun has…

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  there was a famous Buddhist nun uh who uh was teaching a Meditation Retreat in England and after she finished teaching the retreat she went down to um to hro airport and on the way they stopped for something to eat it was was a lunchtime so they stopped in one of these restaurants which was next to a pub if ever you been to London or not to London sorry to England a lot of the places where you can get something to eat on a journey they got a pub next door so you have to go in the front of the pub to get into the restaurant so they they went through the front of the pub to get into the restaurant and had their meal I know the person who told me this story because she's from Sydney and she validated this was a real story it happened when they the driver came out of the pub she had a few English coins spare so she decided to put them in one of these slot machines the Poke machines just to get rid of the coins because you know the few little coins you can't change at the uh the currency exchange it's too small you know you change about6 and you have to pay10 commissions so you end up sort of losing on the deal but anyhow she put a few coins in the slot and she had one in the slot when the Buddhist nun came out from her meal and she said to the Buddhist nun you have got much better Karma than I have you pull the handle and in one moment of lack of mindfulness just on the spur of the moment sometimes you're thinking of something else people ask you out of compassion you just do it and that's what she did the Buddhist nun pulled the handle and the wheels went round and round and round and then first one stopped jackpot second one stopped jackpot third one stopped jackpot ding ding ding ding ding ding ding and all this money started pouring out of the machine and we monks and nuns were not even allowed to touch the stuff and she couldn't afford it was falling all over her she'd won the jackpot now you may think that's now lucky but it's not lucky cuz what happened next was all the patrons in the bar went silent this Buddhist nun in a strange Rob had won the jackpot and the next thing which happened was a b man took a little bell and rang it and announced to the nun that it was the tradition it was the rule which could not be broken that whoever won the jackpot had to buy a free round of drinks for everybody in the bar and it was the first time in 2,500 years that the buddist none had to buy a whiskey a beer gin and tonics for all the people in that's what happens

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• The guard who fell asleep

  In brief: Teaching meditation in a high-security prison at Canning Vale, Ajahn Brahm must have a prison officer in the room. The officer closes his…

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  the only time when it was really bad when somebody was snoring was when I was teaching meditation in uh in the prison once, in a high-security prison. And because it was a high-security It's the one one in Canning Vale, I think it's called Acacia now. Is it Acacia? Or whatever. Anyway, they keep on changing the names. But anyway, that when I was teaching in there, because it was high-security prison, you had to have a prison officer with you at all times. So, he had to come in my meditation group. So, as I was teaching meditation, even the prison officer, you know, he was just Well, he's hearing it, so he decided to close his eyes and start meditating as well. And of course, he was the one who started snoring. And it's a very good job I opened my eyes to check because as he was snoring, one of the prison officers, his hand was maybe about 1 in from the keys. [laughter] And I said, "Oh, well, let's look at the prisoner." And he did the Oh. [laughter] So, that's where I the prison officer up. So, there are times when you shouldn't snore.

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• Stupid feet

  In brief: In Ajahn Chah's monastery the monks went barefoot through the jungle, and the Western monks were always stubbing toes and piercing their…

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  as a monk with ajanta we didn't wear shoes or sandals a lot of the time and so walking through the jungles we were always stubbing our toes or piercing our souls of our feet with the the roots and other stuff in the forest we always had our our feet bandaged with so many Band-Aids saw this he said why on Earth are westerners always cutting themselves on the forest floor because they didn't wear any shoes and he said it's because you westerners have got stupid feet I never realized you could apply the word stupid to a foot but it was actually absolutely accurate always up in our head thinking about the meaning of life while we're training on thorns and stuff and and piercing our feet and making them bleed it was stupid feet

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• 'I sent you two boats and a helicopter'

  In brief: In a flood in southern Malaysia, a monk devoted to Kwan Yin, the goddess of mercy, climbs onto his roof. A rescue boat comes: 'No, Kwan…

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  There was this flood. Apparently, this was in southern Malaysia a long time ago. And there was this this Buddhist monk who was a devotey of the goddess of mercy, Quanin. And as the floods came, he had to climb up onto his roof. And as he climbed up onto his roof, the floodwaters rose and rose and the venerable, the seafood, that's what they call the monks in in uh in Malaysia in in China, seafue, the seafue was on top of the roof. When the rescue boat came past and the rescue boat crew said, "Jump in, jump in. We've come to save you." He said, "No, I don't need to be saved. I'm a devotey of the goddess of mercy. She will save me. She's never let me down. I have faith. They said, "Look, jump in now. The flood waters arise." He said, "No, leave me alone. Go and save somebody else who doesn't believe in quanin. I am going to be safe." So, okay. Have you met people like that before? Anyway, the flood waters rose and so the fellow was on top of the roof. You know those curly bits on the end of the roof? He was clinging on to one of those. And the boat came past again and said, "Sefu, seafue, we really admire your faith. It's wonderful, but now please jump in the boat." He said, "No, I have faith in the goddess of mercy. She will save me." So they couldn't force him to jump in. So they went away to save somebody else. The floodwaters rose and now he was holding on to his TV aerial. That was the last thing to hold on to. He was holding on to that as a flood waters were sweep sweeping past him. It was too strong for the boat. So they said helicopter and the helicopter dropped the the ladder down and they shouted out she grabbed onto the rope and he shouted out no need I have faith inwin she will save me how was the special effects with they need some feedback every now and She will save me. Hold on to the rope. No. They couldn't force him. So the the helicopter went to save someone else. You know what happened? He drowned. He died. And when he went to heaven, don't worry whether it's a heaven or not. It fits into the story. When he went to heaven, when he went to heaven, oh, he was in a filthy mood. He was really upset and angry. And the first person wanted to say, "I want to see that Kwan Yin." And he went out, he found her up there. And when he went up, he said, "You really let me down. You embarrassed me. I'm You make me ashamed that all those years I've been believing in you. When I really needed you, you let me down. I'm brown." And like most heavenly beings, she looked down upon this devotey and says, "Sefu in a very soft, kind voice, Seu, I didn't let you down. Didn't I send you two boats and one helicopter?

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