Joke: four monks with a vow of silence

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• Old monks don't lie

  In brief: A wandering old monk spends the rains retreat in a hut a poor farmer builds for him. Leaving, he says a great treasure lies close by: at…

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  there was an old monk who would Wander from place to place not staying in any Monastery but a Wandering Monk and he came to a farmhouse one day and the farmer gave him some food and the farmer was a devoted Buddhist and it was getting close to the retreat time we call the rain's Retreat now the was the the puns are in tire and the man said have you got any place to stay for the three month Retreat and the old monk said no I haven't please come and stay with us not far away is a beautiful Meadow next to the river I can quickly put up a simple Hut for you and I'm more than happy to feed you every day all I would ask all I would ask is once a week you teach me some DH and answer any questions on meditation that's all and the old monk said yes I would accept your invitation so the farmer built a simple Hut next to the river and every day the monk would go for his arms food very simple food but very nourishing and the monk could meditate nice and peacefully and once a week he would teach the farmer and his wife and their kids and after 3 months they got to love that old monk he was like part of the family and so when the old monk said it's time now for me to go the retreat is over they all started crying and even the dog put his tail between his legs and started whining CU even the dog fell in love with this old Monk and They begged him please don't go stay here forever you know you're like one of us but the monk said I have to go but said the old old monk I've had some very deep meditation and in my meditation I have discovered very close by closer than you think is buried a great treasure I know how poor you are and I want this to be your karmic reward I want you to have this treasure and this is how you find it listen carefully tomorrow morning said the old monk I want you to stand at the threshold of your house that's just where the door is I want you to face eastwards towards a Rising Sun and take up that old bow and arrow which you have which you know used to hunt and face the Rising Sun with your bow and arrow in your hand when the Sun rises stand and face the Rising Sun and let the arrow fly and where the arrow drops there you will find the treasure follow my instructions and you'll be rich beyond your wildest dreams and at that the monk left the following morning the father was up an hour before Dawn he was so excited he knew he would find a treasure you know why because all monks don't lie and he had the bow and arrow and he waited for the sun to rise and as the sun rose he picked up the bow and arrow faced the Rising Sun and shot the arrow and the arrow went a long distance and they all ran after it the wife the kids and the dog and where they Arrow fell he made his wife dig a big hole sometimes men are like that but don't worry if you're like that to your wife you have some karmic reward and see what's going to come up they dug a big hole or she dug a big hole where the arrow fell and what did she find nothing only trouble cuz that Arrow fell in a land belonging to a rich man and that rich man saw them and said you are destroying my land that's against the law I'm going to sue you I'm going to find you I'm going to give you lots of trouble and the wife said it's not my fault it's his fault pointing to the husband and the husband said it's not my fault it's the old Monk's fault and that word monk the rich man fell silent he said oh Monk I'm a Buddhist I'm a Buddhist said the rich man and old monks don't lie how come there's no treasure here what did he tell you and the farmer told the instructions of the old Monk and the rich man said I know your mistake look at you you're a poor farmer you've got no muscles on you you have to be someone rich and fat like me to be able to to shoot a bow and arrow look said the rich man tomorrow I will shoot that arrow and we'll split the treasure 5050 is that okay or do you want to go to jail so so the farmer said okay I'd accept that deal so the following morning they were there and the rich man shot the arrow in the direction of the Rising Sun it went much further and so they all ran after it the farmer the wife the children and of course the dog and this time because of the law of karma the farmer had to dig the hole and he dug and he dug this huge hole where the arrow fell and what did he find nothing only more trouble because this time this time the arrow fell in a field belonging to a general in the Army and he came with his soldiers and said you're destroy my property and he ordered the soldiers to cut them off cut the heads off right there and then he's a very Fierce General you don't mess around with generals and straight away the farmer said not my fault not my fault the rich man told me to dig this hole rich said no no no no not my fault it's this old monk this old monk said we'll find a treasure and that word monk even the general fell silent and he told the soldiers put away your swords I'm a Buddhist too said to J and old monks don't lie what did he tell you and when they told the instructions the general said look you stupid people you don't know how to shoot a bow and arrow you have to be a soldier trained in archery to know how to shoot a bow and arrow so he said tomorrow I will shoot that bow and arrow and I'm sure we'll find a treasure cuz old monks don't lie we'll split it three ways evenly so following morning the general was there and don't worry because this doesn't go on much longer the general shot the bow and shot the arrow and it went a huge distance because the soldier had practiced he trained in archery and they all ran after it the rich man the farmer his wife the kids and who else the dog yeah dog as well and this time it was a rich man's job to dig the hole where the arrow fell he d a really huge hole and what did the rich man find nothing only more trouble because this time this time the arrow fell in the King's Garden that's big trouble and the King arrested a lot of them and put them on trial and he told everybody destroying the king King's Garden is a capital offense punishable by death before I execute you explain what you were doing and the general said sorry it's not my fault this rich man's fault and no no not my fault it's his Farmer's fault and the farmer said not my fault the old monk the old monk got us into trouble and at that the king said hang on I'm a Buddhist too and oh monks don't lie I've got to get to the bottom of this I'm going to put you in jail until I find out exactly what's happened so he put them in jail and he sent his soldiers out to find that monk they soon found him and they dragged him back to the palace and the King said oh monk you've got these people into really big trouble they're about to be executed why and the old monk said because your majesty they did did not follow my instructions what do you mean said the king listen your majesty tomorrow you go to that poor Farmer's house you take the bow and arrow and follow my instructions and I guarantee you will find the treasure cuz I'm an old Monk and old monks don't lie and your majesty out of fairness to all these other people please split the treasure evenly four ways even the shareff of a king would satisfy you how much more would it satisfy the poor man and the King agreed so the following morning the King was at the threshold of the house with the general the rich man the farmer the father's wife the children and the dog who else the old monk yeah I forgot the old monk he was there too this time the king stood at the doorway of the house he waited for the sun to rise he picked of first of all he asked the monk said oh monk am I standing in the right place yes said to the old Mark you're following instructions and he waited for the Rising Sun and the old monk said correct your majesty you're following that instruction he picked up the bow an arrow correct your majesty and he faced the Rising Sun correct your majesty and he was about to shoot the arrow wrong your majesty what do you mean said the king and the monk said I told you your majesty to let the arrow fly not to shoot it and the King understood straight away instead of shooting the arrow he opened his finger and thumb and let the arrow fly and it fell right between his feet right where he was standing and there he got the general to dig a hole only a small hole and what did they find a huge huge treasure even a quarter of which satisfied the king and made the farmer and his family and the dog the richest dog in the whole of the Kingdom with a beautiful Diamond collar and the best food in a gold doggy Bowl for the rest of his life

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• How to hold a glass of water still

  In brief: Demonstration simile: however hard you try to hold a glass of water still, it trembles, and more willpower makes it shake more. The easy…

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  How do you hold a glass of water still? Put it down, yeah. Once you put that glass of water down, actually it moves more at first. But after a few seconds you find that - those in the front row can see that - it's much more still than I could ever hold it.

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• Too comfortable to waste on sleep

  In brief: Once Ajahn Brahm lay in bed unable to sleep — probably too much tea — worrying he wouldn't get to sleep in time. Then he thought: I spend…

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  difficulty getting asleep but I know it's too much tea or coffee probably but everytime I decided yeah I'm gonna fall asleep I really want to fall asleep I really have to fall asleep I'm gonna get up early in the morning I've got to give a talk I've got to do this if I don't fall asleep I'm gonna be in big trouble and of course the anxiety kept you awake so instead what I thought as a mark especially my bed is the most comfortable place in the whole world number one no one asked me any questions I'm quiet and you're really comfortably are your beds comfortable nice and cozy crane why do you want to waste that beautiful experience by going to sleep so lay down it's just so nice who wants to go and sleep this is just so cozy and nice I just really want to enjoy this I don't want to go to sea I just want to enjoy the comfort and coziness

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• How the donkey caught the carrot

  In brief: A stubborn donkey is driven by a carrot dangling on a string from a stick tied to its own back — always two feet ahead however fast it…

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  It's a story, one of my favourite stories of the donkey and the carrot. Those of you who know the story because you've been on the retreats, it's also in the book of "Mindfulness, Bliss and Beyond." You know that donkeys are very stubborn animals, that's why they say in English - as stubborn as a donkey. You hit them with a stick, they won't move. So the only way you get donkeys to move, is you tie the stick to their back, so the front of the stick is about 2 feet, in front of the donkey's head, at the end of the stick you put a string, on the end of the string, a carrot. So there's this donkey, seeing this carrot 2 foot in front of it , craving is what drives the donkey, not fear of punishment. So there the donkey moves forward to try and get the carrot but because this carrot is on the end of the stick, and the stick is tied to the donkey, it doesn't matter how fast the donkey moves forward, the carrot goes at the same speed so it's always 2 foot in front of the donkey's head. But it's stupid enough to think, well, if I run a bit faster I might catch that carrot. You understand the simile - that's called your life [laughter] chasing a carrot. Do you ever get it? Now it's always 2 foot in front, you almost get it, sometimes, just perfection you know, happiness, even deep meditation, it's almost there, and you just go a bit further, and it goes further away from you. But many donkeys have actually heard my talks on YouTube. [laughter] And they now know how to catch the carrot! How to find meaning in life. You know how you do that? The donkey's already been running really fast, and the donkey hears the word, "stop", stop chasing that carrot, "stop" so the donkey stops. You know what happens when you stop? The carrot moves further away than its ever been before. If you've got patience and trust and faith, you've heard Ajahn Brahm, you actually believe he may be on to something, so you stop. And as soon as it's 4 foot away from you, twice as far as it's ever been you get a little bit of doubt, is this going to happen, is it true? But then something amazing happens, the carrot starts coming towards you. And soon it's in its normal position, 2 foot in front of your mouth, but now it's coming at great speed [laughter] towards you, you don't have to do anything, you just sit there, And just at the right moment, you remember the most important phrase, "The door of my mouth is now open to you, carrot" [laughter] And the carrot gets into your own mouth!

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