Itch on your head, scratching your bottom

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• Anger's trial with no defence

  In brief: Simile from his own anger at a fellow monk: listing everything he didn't do, Ajahn Brahm sees he is justifying his anger like a court case…

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  And so an other way of managing anger is to have what we call a fair trial. A lot of times you get angry at somebody, it is like a trial where you only have a prosecutor and no defense. Say these, you know, say it is your boss. They've got no right to speak like that to me. And you try and justify it. That are boss speak like that, they are just really cruel, don't they know how much I've worked hard for this. You always try and get more evidence to justify why you should be angry to that person. How about having a defence attorney in that trial? In other word, oh that poor boss, he must be very tied, he had a very busy day today. Maybe he had an argument with his wife this morning, maybe he's got a migraine. See if you can deliberately when you're about to getting angry at your husband say. Try to find some mitigating factors. He must be crazy. He's mad. He must be going through the male equivalent of menopause. Whatever it is? Try and find some mitigating evidence, so you can not just judge just him one-sidedly.

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• Don't hold back a spooked buffalo

  In brief: In 1970s Thai villages the water buffalo were docile family members — until spooked: head up, snorting, then running in any direction. One…

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  I was writing this story, a couple of days ago, you know water buffalo in thailand? They don't really have that many water buffalo left, because now they've got tractors. But in the old days, this is 40 years ago, when I first became a monk. Now, the water buffalo would be under the house of every villager. It was part of the family and they would use those water buffalo to plough the fields. And their excrement was the fertilizer they used for the fields. It was a very naturally and environmentally friendly way of farming. And those water buffalo was some of the most docile beings you could ever imagine. During the hot days of the hot season, you have seen the little kids falling asleep on the back of these water buffalo while they were grazing. So safe, except a few times a water buffalo got spooked. And I saw that a few times. When a water buffalo got frightened, they'd lift their head up, high. Instead of always being, know, looking at the grass. And they lift their head up high and they'd snored and the next thing they do is run. In any direction. Now, when they started running, they are very, very dangerous. You had to get out of the way. And sometimes people where caught by the water buffalo running, because water buffalo didn't know what they were doing and they were just panicking. And one day this farmer, was taking his water buffalo passed the monastery where we living. And the water buffalo saw something in the forest, which spooked him and was about to run away. Lifted up his head and started snorting. The farmer realized what was gone happen so he actually got hold to the little rope, which was tied loosely about the water buffalos neck to try and restrain it. A stupid thing to do. Cause the water buffalo run of. The string tied itself around the mans finger and took the finger off, with it. And we saw that, because this poor guy came into the monastery with the half of finger with blood all over his hand. And the top of the flesh of the finger would came off. And of course, we took him to the hospital to get patched up. He was fine, it is actually very easy to scratch his head after that. With a stump. You know, it just very painful, very unpleasant to look at, but he was fine. We often use that simile. What a stupid thing it is to try and hold back a water buffalo. Let it go. It is gone be stronger than you. So please let it go, otherwise it takes off your finger, metaphorically. If you just let it go, the water buffalo only goes a little way. And it calms down.

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• The samurai who asked about heaven and hell

  In brief: A samurai who has asked everyone whether heaven and hell exist finally demands a straight answer from an old monk. The monk says he's too…

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  there's this old story and this is great Buddhist wisdom because it brings things down from Superstition down into ordinary daily life many of you heard the story before but it's a great story about the the old samurai warrior who too wanted to know what do really Buddhist think about heaven and hell is there a heaven is there a hell no really and he gone around to many many people and no one could give him a a good answer there may be the same with you may have gone to many sort of temples many talks ask many people and it's sort of satisfying you can't really get a straight answer which really satisfies you and answers the question once and for all so this sumai eventually found this old Monk and said old monk look this is my question you know I I've gone around asking so many people this I'm almost fed out to ask it again but is there a heaven is there a hell now if you know this and really know it say so but if you don't know it don't waste my time just say I don't know okay and the mark looked up on it up for this samurai warrior and said you're St to you're too stupid to understand the samurai said what you call me stupid I'm not stupid I'm a samurai warrior these Samurai Warriors have to go through an enormous amount of training and it's not just the uh martial arts it's a lot of um virtuous training and training in medic meditation said I'm not stupid I'm a samurai warrior and the mon looked up at him you a samurai don't give me that you fool you're just a country bumpkin that's all and the samurai said that's twice you've insulted me and he took hold of his sword if you insult me one more time monk I don't care who you are I'll cut off your head just with one swipe of my sword with that stupid old rusty piece of iron you couldn't even slice a a slice of bread with that and that was enough the samurai insulted three times was incense and he got out his sword and was about to Smite the monk's head off when the monk looked right into his eyes and said samurai that's hell and I keep on saying that was pushing his luck but it worked maybe if it didn't work he wouldn't be able to tell the story but that Samurai understood that anger was what hell is like at last he got an answer which wasn't anything to do with Superstition the Mark wasn't saying it says in my scriptures cuz that really offended me a lot when people say it says in the books that's not what I asked you what's in the books I asked you you now you're supposed to be a Christian you're supposed to be a Buddhist you're supposed to be a teacher I'm not saying what I can read the books myself you is there a heaven is there a hell explain I'm not asking the books I'm asking the person and the last he actually got a proper answer he could understand what hell was and he was so impressed he put aside his sword and he bow to that monk that's what you do in Asia out of respect it's not asking for favors it's an act of like thank you so much and remember Mark looked at him again and saw his eyes were watering out of respect and gratitude and the Mark said to him very softly and Samurai now this is heaven that gratitude and respect that's what heaven is like

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• Chicken or duck?

  In brief: A newly married couple walking home from the temple hear 'quack quack'. She says, 'Darling, that's a chicken.' He says it's a duck —…

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  It's the great old story of the chicken and the duck. If you haven't heard this story before, this is a doozy, this is a great one. Once upon a time there was this couple who had just been married and after going to the temple for a nice talk, it was a beautiful evening so they went on a walk on the way back home. And as they were walking, they heard a sound quack quack quack and straightaway sort of the girl, the wife said: “darling do you hear that? That's a chicken.” I'm glad you laugh because those people who laugh haven't heard the story before, so at least some of you haven't heard the story. “That's a chicken,” and he said “darling that was not a chicken, that was a duck,” and she said “no no I'm sure it was a chicken.” It went quack quack again; “you see that's a chicken,” and he said “Darling, chickens go cockadoodledoo, that went quack quack that means it's a duck okay.” She said “No, I'm sure that was a chicken”. He said “It was a duck”. She said “No no it was a chicken”. He said “It was a duck, d.u.c.k duck”. And then she started to cry, “But, but he's a chicken”. They went quack quack again. Then he suddenly remembered what he'd heard at this temple many many times. He squeezed her hand and said “I apologize darling, I think you're right, it is a chicken”. And she squeezed his hand back and said “thank you”. And then they carried on their walk in peace and had a wonderful evening together.

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