A map to the toilet

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• Easier for rich Buddhists

  In brief: At a talk to the Chinese Chamber of Commerce in WA, a wealthy business audience asks about Jesus' saying that it's harder for a rich man…

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  I said this at the Chinese Chamber of Commerce about six months ago. I gave a talk at the Chinese Chamber of Commerce in W.A and somebody actually asked this question, so it didn't actually come from me, it comes from the audience. They said, because the Chinese Chamber of Commerce is all these rich Chinese business people, and of course you know, the rich people, yeah they're doing okay in this world, but they want to know what happens after you die. So they said they knew in the Christian Bible, it does actually say that it's harder for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven than a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, that's actually in there. Now a camel goes through the eye of a needle, that's a pretty tough thing to do. And actually a lot of people say, well doesn't actually mean like a sewing needle, it was some door in Jerusalem or something, but whatever it was, everyone agrees it's a very difficult thing for a camel to pass the eye of a needle, so it must be even more difficult for a rich person to go to Christian heaven. So when he asked me, so what do you say about that Ajahn Brahm? I said look we don't have that in Buddhism at all, so it's actually much much easier for rich people to go to heaven if they're Buddhists. You lot are rich people over there, so it's quite obvious what religion you should have if you want to go to heaven. I said, that's our marketing, you want to go to heaven and you're rich, come here. Of course we also get more donations that way. But that’s only jokes, so of course that totally untrue.

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• The lawyer who tried to take it with him

  In brief: A dying rich lawyer, sure he can find a loophole, has his wife stash suitcases of cash in the attic above his bed so he can grab them on…

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  This really wealthy lawyer, you know, he thought he was smart. He made a lot of money. And when he got very sick and the doctor said he only had a few weeks to live, he thought, "How can I take it with me? Just because other people say you can't take it with you, I'm a lawyer. I can find loopholes so I can take it with me. So he's looking for the loophole so he could take it with him afterwards. He worked so hard to get all that money and so laying in bed having nothing else to do but think he had this brilliant idea. He told his wife he said go to the bank with my two suitcases which I usually go overseas with big suitcases. go to the bank and draw out as much money as you can from my bank account in cash. I think the biggest note is euro note, isn't it? A€,000 euro note is,000 euro notes so I can get as much money in my bags as possible. And once you brought the suitcases back, stash with millions in cash, put them in the attic just above my bed. Because my plan is when I die and I go up to heaven, I can grab the bags on my way up and take them with me. That's my plan. So the wife now, it's a waste of time arguing with husbands, especially if he's a lawyer. a waste of time. So she said, "Okay, I'll do that." So she went to the bank, got all the money out, and put them in the attic above her husband's bed, just on either side of the bed. So he went straight up. He could actually grab them. Not too far to the left, not too far to the right. She got it perfect. And a couple of days later, he died. And after doing the ceremonies for him, she went up to the attic for the first time. And of course, the bags were still there full of cash. I say, "Stupid old guy. If he'd have asked me, I'd have put the bags in the room below him cuz I know where he's gone.

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• Six months alone and never lonely

  In brief: Ajahn Brahm's record is six months alone, not speaking to or seeing anyone; food was left in a box, and he left his bowl back there to be…

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  my record was 6 months by myself not speaking or seeing anybody and it was an amazing experience because throughout that whole 6 months never seeing anybody Not a Human Being no they just leave food in a box and I know when they were coming there and afterwards I go and pick it up I put my ball back there afterwards so they fill it up the next day never spoke to anybody for six months said didn't you feel lonely and the answer was I never felt lonely and I asked myself why I didn't feel lonely and the answer was because there was always someone there me and I quite like myself so because I quite like myself where throughout those whole six months I was with my best friend how can you feel lonely when you're with your best friend all day the reason was I was my best friend

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• The prankster ghost and the three leaves

  In brief: Two young English friends share a house in Perth; one dies young of cancer, promising to come back and haunt his mate. Pranks follow: the…

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  one of our members he's got a great Ghost Story one of his friends let's go back for earlier his friend I moved to to Australia to Perth from England two young men they were friends so they shared a house together as they shared a house there two guys you know they weren't gay or anything they're just um to uh say on R when out had a great time but one of them developed cancer very young he died but before he died he always says I'm going to come back and Haun you you know like what some young people say I'm going to come back and Haun you and apparently he did and he was you know what you call those Lans always like doing practical jokes and so the other fellow who kept the house you know his girlfriend moved in after his mate died and little things would happen like be in the shower and it would turn from the hot to cold so you turn the hot on and it' be boiling little silly things like that but he said and he's quite sure about this one day he went out to work when he came home all the furniture from the landro was in the garden and there was just silly little things but sometimes you know if it's a a mate a friend they do this little jokes on you and his wife apparently could see him his wife wife never knew him and could see this Spectre in the in the house and described he said oh yeah that's him and so they just after all I just accommodate to these people but this member of our Buddha Society I better not say who it is he went to visit his friend I don't believe in ghosts she's just making it up and he was having coffee with his friend at the time and his friend said look he's he's around I'm sure he's around and he asked his friend come and prove to this visitor that you exist there's a pot plant on the table a leaf fell off that pot plant floated horizontally and then went down on the edge of the table half on half off and the visitor said no that's just it's just a wi just [Applause] coincidence and then another Lea fell off horizontal and then went vertically down exactly on top of the second Leaf no no no no just Charles thirdly exactly the same hor is onto straight down on the edge of that Lea and our friend who comes here said I've got to go and just jumped in his bed and just put the foot on the acceler just w didn't run away H you can have nothing to be afraid of it's just ghost playing around

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