Green velvet jeans at the Isle of Wight

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• The punk and the old man

  In brief: On a New York train a punk with multi-coloured spikes, razor-blade earrings and piercings snaps at the old man opposite: 'What are you…

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  And I remember this story about, I think it was somewhere in New York. There was this old man sitting opposite one of these punks, just spiky hair, about 20 different colours, and razor blades coming from his ears. His clothes were just really multi-coloured, you really need a pair of sunglasses to look at him. And there were just piercings all over his face. And then there's a guy opposite him, you can't help, he's right in front, you have to look at him. And so the punk shouted out, 'what are you looking at old man?' And he said, oh, just you, Didn't you ever do anything a bit outrageous when you were young? Oh yes, I did. When I was in the Navy, I had sex with a parrot, I thought you might be my son.

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• “How many of you have ever eaten rice pudding?”

  In brief: Unexpectedly facing 60 Year 1 and 2 children, Ajahn Brahm asks who doesn't like rice pudding; a few hands go up, then, looking around, all…

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  some years ago i went to rolly stone primary school and they invited me to give a talk to some of these students there and i didn't realize who i was talking to and they were year grade ones and grade twos how can you teach buddhism to grade ones and grade twos you know can you actually tell that story about the most beautiful sound in the world to them or talk about the four noble truths the great great ones and great twos and i had no preparation but what i did there when i went into the room i had to think on my feet very quickly actually i wasn't standing so i thought on my aoi arse i was sitting down and i just asked them so how many of you like i don't know how many of you yet don't like rice pudding you know what rice pudding is you don't have to know but anyway how many of you don't like rice pudding and you know what grade ones and grade twos are like these little people we know two or three people put their hand up they did not like rice pudding all the other kids the boys and girls they were looking around they saw these three or four people had their hands up so they put their hands up as well and after two or three minutes the whole about 60 kids had their hands up they agreed in grade one grade two rollerstone primary school they didn't like rice pudding okay put your hands down now how many of you have ever eaten white sporty and two kids pull their hand up and everyone else laughed you taught dhamma to grade ones and grade twos they got it straight away and so did their parents and the teachers as well

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• The actuary they called “Flash”

  In brief: Visiting England, Ajahn Brahm meets a Cambridge friend he hasn't seen for 40 years — now a highly respected actuary, among the top in…

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  a couple of years ago I met one of my friends when I was visiting England. He's an old friend from Cambridge days. Now that was about 40 years now. Now he's this highly respected businessman. He's an actuary. An actuary is this mathematical geniuses who work out just the odds of you know falling off a building. It works out the the the probabilities for insurance companies. And he was one of the top if not the top actuary in the whole of Europe. And so when I met him we hadn't seen each other 40 years. A highly successful very sort of good man. And I reminded him of the nickname we had for him at Cambridge which was Flash. And the reason we called him Flash was because one night at one of the parties we had he did get drunk. He went into the toilets and he came out with nothing on. That's why we called him Flash. And he said, "Better not talk too much about that Ajahn Brahm.

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• “Doctor Buddha's orders”

  In brief: A new Buddhist refuses a drink at a work party — 'I'm a Buddhist' — and a colleague replies that Buddhism is all about letting go, so let…

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  there was this one guy who used to come here, and he said that when he started keeping his five precepts and gave up drinking alcohol, it was very difficult for him because the first time he went to a party or a reception, one of his work friends gave him some alcohol and he said, "No, I can't take it cuz I'm a Buddhist." And his friend said, "Oh, you're a Buddhist? Yeah, I know about Buddhism. I really respect Buddhism. Buddhism is all about letting go. Come on, let go. Have a beer." So, he's caught out. That's the trouble that people know a little bit about Buddhism. They don't know enough. So, he had to take the beer that time. He was put in a spot, but afterwards he told me that he found the solution. Cuz the next time he went to a reception or a party at work and someone offered him a drink, he said, "No, I can't take the alcohol. Doctor's orders." And people left him alone. Because now, if it's doctor's orders, it's a medical condition, no one would actually challenge you. But when he told me that, I actually criticized him back. I said, "Aren't you keeping one precept by breaking another? You're lying. There's nothing wrong with you. You're perfectly healthy." But then he actually he actually taught me some Buddhism because now, he was what So, I make mistakes sometimes. Please correct me sometimes if I make a mistake and he actually taught me more because it was true. He said, "Look, don't you remember Ajahn Brahm? In many of those old teachings of the Buddhas, the sutras, many, many times he actually compared himself to a doctor." And so, it was a doctor's orders. Doctor Buddha's orders.

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