Jimmy Hendrix cured the student cold

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• Ted's last dinner

  In brief: Ted, a Lancashire man dying of lung cancer, was one of the first patients in the new hospice next to Murdoch Hospital. Asked what he…

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  Finish off with the story of Ted. I I'll finish off now. I promise. Maybe [laughter] Ted. This guy, they just opened up St. John of God. No, no, no. One in Murdoch. Murdoch Hospice down in uh right next to Murdoch Hospital. really nice little hospital. They just opened up. So Ted was one of the first patients in there. Had lung cancer, was dying. So they put him in there to die. Just a one-way ticket. [clears throat] But with Ted, he was like from York. I got to be careful. From Lanasher. He's from on the borders between Lanasher and York. He was from Lancasher. And so the he told me afterwards I went to visit him a few times. The first night in the hospital, the nurse came up to him and said, "What do you want for dinner tonight, Ted?" And Ted said, "Well, you know, I got diabetes, so I can't have anything sweet. [gasps] I got sort of high cholesterol, so forget about anything oil or oily or or fried. I can't have anything like that. I can't have anything salty because I've got hardened arteries. I can't have. And the nurse looked at him and said, "What on earth are you talking about, Ted? You're not going to die of cholesterol or heart attack or or hardened arteries or diabetes. You're going to die of cancer in a couple of days." So Ted, the nurse said, "You can eat whatever you want. anything really. His eyes went wide apparently according to the nurse. Really? And so he had all this food, sweet, syrupy, salty, sugary, which is he told me his wife had never allowed him to eat for the last three or four years. And he ate it. Had lots of it. Why not? You're going to die soon. So, and we know what happened. Honest story. He went into remission and he walked out of that hospice. [laughter] True. I know. He's a good friend. God is his [laughter] daughter and and uh son-in-law was an ex monk and six months he had and then he went back into the hospice to die properly. [snorts] [laughter] He went back. He had six extra months because he cared for himself instead of trying to cure himself so much.

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• “You're either going to get better or you're going to die”

  In brief: Seriously ill with typhus in a Ubon hospital with no night nurse, young Ajahn Brahm is overjoyed when the famous Ajahn Chah visits — for…

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  That's when I was really, really down and sick as I said a few weeks ago. Really down and sick in this third-world hospital in Ubon in Thailand, 35, 37 years ago now really really bad. That was the hospital where first evening there you know you had typhus fever felt terrible, next to death and at 6:00 p.m. the nurse disappeared one hour later the night nurse still hadn't appeared and I asked the monk next to me in the next bed should we let someone know the night nurse hasn't arrived but there is something happens in the middle of the night you know you got no one to help you and that's when the monk said there is no night nurse in this hospital we only have a nurse during the daytime sometimes. If something happens in the middle of the night that's just bad kamma. That was not reassuring. Now it is true you only had nurses there for half the day at nighttime you're at your own resources and people really sick and there's no bell to ring no one would come, you scream and you know no one would come to help you. So good for a hospital but anyway after feeling so bad for day about two or three weeks that's when Ajahn Chah came to visit me and now this was this big scene even by that time he was famous and he came just to visit me. Oh I felt so so good and so happy and so relieved, the great master comes to visit me, yeah. But the euphoria only lasted for about five seconds that's all because this great teacher he came right up to me and he said to me Brahmavamso that's the full name not Ajahn Brahm, "Brahmavamso," he said “you're either going to get better or you're going to die” and then he left. His wisdom was wonderful but his bedside manner was terrible. And that's so true, it doesn't last you're either going to get better or you're going to die, that's it. Very good teaching. So if any of you are going to visit your mother this weekend in hospital Mom, I heard from this monk, you are going to get better or you're going to die, bye bye, see you tomorrow. Don't do that. That really hurt me

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• “In the building trade we call it a feature”

  In brief: After Ajahn Brahm tells the two-bad-bricks story at the Cancer Support Association, a builder reassures him professionals make the same…

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  Once when I was teaching in Cancer Support Association over in Cottesloe, they're still over there. Teaching...teaching that story because sometimes going through chemotherapy and radiation therapy can really cause a lot of depression. So I told that and yeah you got cancer but there's many other things happening in your life. Look at all the parts of the body which haven't got cancer. There's two bad bricks there, two bad tumours, what about the other parts which are beautiful, which are healthy? Look at that, it actually takes away a lot of fear. And anyway I told that, one of these builders came up afterwards and he said Ajahn Brahm please don't be upset you made two mistakes when you're laying bricks, professional builders do the same, he said. But then he said I'll tell you a secret, and I've told his secret to millions of people...internationally. He said...don't tell me your secrets, they'll be on YouTube next day...[LAUGHTER]. He said, in the building industry where we make a mistake like that we call it a feature. We call it a feature and we charge our clients an extra few thousand dollars for it.

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• Under a gynaecologist, and no pyjamas

  In brief: On his last hospital stay, at Rockingham, Ajahn Brahm is admitted under a family-friend doctor who is a gynaecologist — his bed sign…

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  That was about 26 years ago now. Yeah 26 years ago was the last time I went to hospital. It was in Rockingham Hospital. It's very interesting because the fellow who looked after me it's actually the secretary Gita's father. And he's a gynecologist. But because he knew me sort of he said oh let's… I'll take you in and I'll look after you. So, on the bed there was: Ajahn Brahm's doctor: dr Mendez, gynecologist. I do look weird enough wearing these robes. But being under a gynecologist, that was really cool. And all the nurses, “what, what are you?” good fun. But especially when you check in you know, you've got to check in first of all. The first question they asked me at the reception: “where's your pyjamas?” “monks don't have pajamas.” “but you've got to have pyjamas.” “but I don't have any!” “but you have to.” I said “listen. It's these robes or nothing. Take your choice.” and actually they let me wear my robes.

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