Being Mindful Stories

Story · Ajahn Brahm

Ask if she's still there

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Below The Mist | Ajahn Brahm | 11 Apr 2008

3 min read

Content note: health claim; end-of-life / life support; identifiable family possible

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

suppose your mother is in a coma in hospital for several months and there's no real possibility of of any cure and someone ask you should we turn off the ventilator should we turn off the life support system and as a Buddhist what should you you do cuz that's your mother as I said this her jaw dropped and she said wow you're good because her mother was in the hospital on a life support system in a coma and she'd been like that for quite a while I sort of nailed it but of course the advice which I give which is important for everyone to know is that if that's your mother or anyone close to you sit next to her hold her hand and even though she's in a coma ask her if she's there if she wants to go you know there's a lot of difference between a person who is just a dead body being kept Alive by the machines and a being who's still in that body just struggling to survive and live on there's a lot of difference there and if that's someone you love and know you can feel it you can feel that there's somebody there and if there's somebody there keep the venator going there's one of the uh people I know she told her story of what it was like being in a coma it's a great story because she made a full recovery and goes around telling her story in in public forums about what it's like to be in a coma for many days she said she went to a very very dark black place don't know for how long Timeless I think it was actually for several weeks I said what brought her back she said she heard the sound of Temple Bells by Buddhist temple bells that's how she described it where that came from who knows but that brought her out of the that darkness and soon into her body and when she was in that body she could not speak or move but she could see hear and feel everything which was going on around her but not being able to respond and after a while she saw her sons come to visit which of course delighted her but she could not say that she was being delighted she had no way of responding to what they said to their kisses or holding their hand but she got terrified when the doctor came and said that their mother had no chance of coming out of the coma and ask the children the nearest of kin for permission to turn off the life support she heard them saying that and she was thinking no I'm still here here don't turn it off but she couldn't move her mouth nor any other part of the body being in Singapore or it could have been I think it was in Malaysia sorry being a Chinese family the children said well it's the eldest son's decision and the eldest son said no don't leave me alone I want your help on this but of course no one wants to make such a decision to turn off the machine of your own mother so they passed her back to the eldest son and he had to choose whether his mother would die right there and of course she could not move her body certainly not her lips not even her eyes but she could certainly move her mind and she wished and willed and concentrated her mind to say say son don't don't don't I'm here and the son said no give her another day in that 24 hours she was able to move her hand enough to show the doctor that something was happening a recovery seemed to be happening and of course because you could tell that story she did make a total recovery and you wouldn't think that she had been in that situation if you saw her today

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 12:36 (to 17:36)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Ajahn Brahm advises families facing life-support decisions to sit, hold a hand and ask whether their loved one is still there. He tells of a mother who later recovered after her son waited one more day. Doctors' advice matters; this isn't medical guidance. But a quiet, loving check brings peace to any decision.

In brief (our summary)

Counseling a woman whose mother is on life support, he advises sitting, holding the hand and asking whether she is still there. In a Chinese family in Malaysia/Singapore the eldest son almost turns the machines off; the mother, unable to move, wills 'don't'; he waits a day; she moves a hand and later fully recovers. A parallel case: a daughter who felt her mother still present kept the ventilator on.

Teaching point

Before ending life support, check with love whether someone is still there.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Below The Mist | Ajahn Brahm | 11 Apr 2008 · 2008-05-24 · ▶ watch from 12:36 to 17:36 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions: unpunctuated, words left exactly as captioned.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

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