“We've never heard a talk in Sanskrit before”

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• Can I have a pineapple, please?

  In brief: At poor Wat Pah Pong, requisites were kept in a big water jar and you asked Ajahn Chah for what you needed. Needing soap, the new monk…

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  And of course, you know, the first time I learnt the Thai language, many of the Thai people know this story. That very early days in Thailand, all the monasteries were very poor. Wat Pah Pong where Ajahn Chah lived when I first went was really poor. So whenever you got anything, they had a big water jar. And you just put those things in the water jar, maybe toothpaste or toothbrushes, or anything you needed, like a towel. And so if you needed something, you just go and ask Ajahn Chah and say, "I need some toothpaste" and he just look inside there and said, "There is some. " and just give it to you. So this time I needed some soap, obviously you know to wash. But you had to ask in Thai so you know my Thai was not that good. So, the word for "soap" is S̄bū̀, not "S̄ạbpard". It's hardly any differences there, "S̄ạbpard" ,"S̄bū̀" but apparently "S̄ạbpard" means pineapple. So, I asked my great master, "Can I have a pineapple, please?" [laughter] And he said to me, he's very kind, he said, "What do you want the pineapple for?" I said, "To wash!" He never let me forget that. He said, "Oh, you know people in England, you know, they don't use soap like us. They are far more advanced, they use pineapples. [laughter] This Western culture is way ahead of ours."

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• 'Do you know a famous monk called Ajahn Brahm?'

  In brief: Trying to avoid pride, Ajahn Brahm sits incognito at the back of a Buddhist conference in Vietnam. A Vietnamese monk sits beside him to…

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  So I remember just this is what happens when you get go incognito. I remember being in Vietnam at a conference and I just sitting in the back and when I was sitting in the back in Vietnam at a Buddhist conference this Vietnamese monk came and sat next to me. I knew from experience what he wanted was just to practice his English cuz if those Vietnamese monk Asian monks if they know good English they have many opportunities open to them. So this monk came and sat next to me and he said now who are you? Where are you from? I said I am from Australia. Oh, welcome to Vietnam. And he said what part of Australia? I say I'm from Perth. Oh, I'm not making this up. Okay. And the next thing he said, do you know a famous monk called Ajan Brah? He said that honestly. Oh my goodness. And then I said, "Yes, I know him." And then I I shouldn't have done this. I said, "I am Ajam Brown." Ah, he was kind of shocked. Oh my goodness. What have I got myself into? But instead of getting proud or arrogant or getting afraid and this I said this to the monks whenever you give talks when prasada and any of the nuns you're not giving the talk I went up on that stage and I said the only reason why I'm opening my my mouth and saying these things because of all of the teachings which I had from my teacher, my master Ajancha and all the other great monks which I knew and all the things which I had read and learned from other highly attained monks and nuns and I thought I'm not giving the talk this evening my teachers are. So um you made a mistake there when you said Ajan Charles Ajan Brah's G I almost said it there didn't I when Ajan Brah's giving the talk this evening I never give a talk at the BWA it's all my teachers and all the people who have helped me what that does it takes away any sense of ego any sense of fear any sense of uh personally owning the contents of your talk. Sometimes I do say mistakes and if I say mistakes it's not my fault. It's my teacher. Blame him.

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• Who left the hammer out?

  In brief: Newly abbot and very strict, Ajahn Brahm finds a donated hammer rusting in the grass at Bodhinyana. He gathers the monks and scolds them…

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  One of my famous mistakes was, oh this is so embarrassing, but there was this one case many years ago in our monastery down at Serpentine. I was the abbot, I'd only just taken over from the previous monk Ajahn Jagaro, so and I was trying to do the best thing, and try to make sure our monks were really trained. And for those of you who don't know the way that the monastery is supported. You know, we don't have any cash as monks but people offer the things which we need, whether it's robes, whether it's glass of water, or glasses for my eyes, or whether it's the tools to build the monastery, whether it's the bricks to build that monastery, whatever. And because everything which we have as a monk is donated, even this robe I wear, was donated, don’t buy it yourself. I was taught to really respect everything which you are given. Even my robe, you know, I tore it on the aircraft a couple of weeks ago, so you don't just throw it away, just put a patch on it. Even my bag has got heaps of patches on it. Even though you get a new one, no no, patch it, because this comes from the generosity of all our supporters. We really want to make these things last as long as possible out of respect. So you can imagine what I felt when I was walking through Serpentine monastery and I saw a hammer lying in the grass, which was going rusty. Now obviously someone had left that hammer out there for quite a while, because you know, it had the orange rust on it. And I thought that's not acceptable, because someone, someone had saved some money up and brought a hammer to give it to the monks, to help build our monastery so you can come there and we can live there. So I was going to give a talk that evening and so I got all the monks together and instead of giving a talk on the subject I thought I was talk on, I talked on “looking after these things”. Now, all of the stuff which you are given monks comes from hard-working laypeople, and not everyone is rich, these ordinary people, some people are actually just on pensions and they still come and help and you must respect those people and their generosity. And you've not allowed to leave thing out in the garden to get rusty as if they're worth nothing. Yeah you never bought it but you got to respect these things. I was really tough on the monks, you know, not like I am now really laid it in. Actually the monks were all sitting dead straight. You know what it's like when you tell somebody off. Sitting dead straight and the colour was drained from their faces because I really hammering it with the hammer. And I didn't mean to say that, sorry, and when I finished the talk, you know, okay I gave them a hard time, but it wasn't that hard and I really thought that one of the monks, you know, the monk responsible put their hand up and say it was them. And no one would admit it, and that was the most disappointing thing of all. Okay leaving the hammer, that was a bad thing but not actually confessing and acknowledging and owning up, now that actually really hurt me. And actually I left that hall feeling very miserable and I thought that what type of monks am i living with? or maybe did I sort of shout at them too much that they wouldn't admit it? it was, actually only when I got out the hall, I actually understood why no monk admitted that they left the hammer there because I suddenly remembered who had actually left the hammer out there. It was me. I'd left it out there a few days ago. I meant it to come and collect it and put it away but I've totally forgot about it. Now fortunately, it was only when I scolded everybody else that I remembered who it was. And I had to go back in the hall, I said sit down again I've got something to say. It was me who left the hammer there. It’s very embarrassing but very good fun because it showed that even the monk said I make mistakes as well, I do stupid things. Now did I feel embarrassed? Really embarrassed about that? No, I thought wow this is another story I could use on a Friday night.

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• The toilet frame with no hole

  In brief: For Western visitors, the monastery made a sitting frame to place over squat toilets. An 18-year-old English visitor sits on a frame…

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  I remember there was this one girl, this one girl came from England. She was like 18 or 19 years of age, came to visit our monastery. And you know the squat toilets we have in Asia where you squat down on them? So some people have a hard time squatting down on the toilets. You know, they fall over and that's not such a good thing when you want to go. So instead of actually down, we built, especially, out of compassion for all these visitors from places like England and Australia, we built like a frame so you can put it over the squat toilet and actually sit on it. You know, because most people use the squat toilet, so we just put this frame just to the side. And that's the toilet which this girl used. It just had no hole in the bottom. No water. It was only a frame. But she sat on it and did her business and it went all on the floor. [laughter]. Exactly! That's what you did. That's what Ajahn Chah did. That's what I did. I thought it was terribly funny. "Oh thank you for doing that. You gave me another story!

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