New monks ask mum and dad for forgiveness

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• Parents who argued, then made up

  In brief: In a tiny London flat Ajahn Brahm watched his parents argue until they would not speak for an hour or two, then make up in front of the…

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  living in a very very very small apartment with my mother my father my brother I remember always say my mother and father arguing arguing and sometimes they'd argue so much they wouldn't speak to each other for about an hour or two and then afterwards they'd make up I saw that as a little kid so straight away I learned my expectations of mother and father being perfect are just ridiculous my expectations that a mother and a father would love each other 24 hours a day sort of three six five days a year it's just a stupid but what I did see that yeah arguments happen and they're beautiful especially when you see them making up it's as if the arguing was worth it to see the just the tenderness and the Beautiful forgiveness of two people who would speak to each other for a couple of hours coming together and reconciling and making up that was really Beauty

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• The tree and the child

  In brief: A tree gives a boy twigs for a treehouse, fruit for university and a wedding, branches for a house, then its trunk for a carpentry…

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  There was this huge tree: mature, big, full of green leaves, in a forest close by to where a child lived. And the child would spend many days on the weekend and holidays climbing up that tree because it had these low branches you could climb up very easily, sitting in the tree, sort of playing games in the tree because he went up into that tree so often, the tree actually... I'm always a poser. (LAUGHTER) Thank you. The tree...(LAUGHTER) You may as well have fun in life. The nuns, as well! You want one just of me? I'm just fed up now. (LAUGHTER) So the tree, you know, many times I've taught retreats and a couple of times on the retreat, there have been supermodels... It's true. I was teaching this retreat over in Kuala Lumpur, and they told me this very famous Malaysian supermodel was on my retreat. And, you know, she looked really nice apparently, but she got very fed up at the end of the retreat, and she complained at the end of the retreat because at the end of the retreat, no one wanted to take a photograph of her; they only wanted to take photographs of me. (LAUGHTER) I don't know why she got upset of that. That's true story; they told me she was really pissed off. And I can't understand why people want to take photographs of me Anyway, but never mind there we go. Anyway back to the tree. So there was this tree and the kid used to love climbing it and one day, the little child thought it would be nice if I could do something more in this tree and you know, this tree trees are beings, you can't just say that, you know, haven't got any consciousness; the tree could communicate with this little kid and say why don't you take some of my branches and build a little treehouse? And the kid got this idea and built this really nice little tree house up in the tree. And even though it meant breaking off twigs, the tree was actually quite happy that, you know its friend—this little kid— could make a wonderful tree house in the top of the tree or in the middle of the tree. He could spend even more time in the tree because the tree actually loved this little kid. And so the kid would play and spend a lot of time in the little tree house. And after awhile, you know, the kid had to go to school and he spent less and less time in the tree, and the tree house started to fall apart, and the tree was actually quite sad. Then, one day, the kid came back again, but now he was a teenager and the tree said, "Oh, thank you, you're coming back again. Look! Even the old tree house is falling apart, but there's many other branches; you can make another tree house; a bigger one now you've grown up." And the kid said to the tree —the tree could understand the kid— He said, "No, I don't need a tree house anymore; I'm too big for that now. I'm going to university soon and I can't really afford it. I don't know what to do." And the tree said, "Look, there's lots and lots of fruit coming soon because I'm coming to that point where I'm going to make lots of fruit. I'm going to make lots for you so please take the fruit, and go and sell it, and with the money you make from the fruit you can actually go and pay your university fees." So the tree put forth extra effort that year and got so much fruit and the kid collected all of it, picked every last fruit, and went to sell it, and that was how he managed to get into that first year of university. And every year afterwards, the tree got more fruit every year, really putting more effort, and that's the way the kid got through university. And that really tired out the tree. And after the fourth year, the kid came back again and the tree said, "Do you want some more fruit?" He said, "I'm in big trouble now," He said, "I'm going to get married and I don't know how on earth I'm going to pay for all of this." And the tree said, "Look, we're friends. I've known you since you were small. I'm going to get double fruit this year. You just come back in a few weeks and just see." And this poor tree put every bit of energy and effort and life it had to get so much fruit, and it almost killed it to produce so much fruit. But the kid came along and it was so much fruit, he collected it all, sold it all and had enough money to actually to get married. And afterwards, the poor tree was actually badly injured, wounded; it lost all its energy just working so hard to make more fruit than it really should have done. But nevertheless, the tree was happy; it helped its friend. But as for the kid, didn't come back again for two or three years. When he did come back, he said, "I need something more now: I'm going to have a baby soon, I need a house. And the tree said, "I can't produce any more fruit; I was damaged producing that double fruit last time," "But," said the tree, "I've got these very big branches, take those branches and build yourself a house." And the kid thought, "But it will really damage you," He said, "No, no, I really would want you to have these branches. Come tomorrow with a saw; take this one and this one—these are very big branches lots of very strong wood; you can build a wonderful house. So the kid came the next day and saw most of the big branches off the tree. Without those branches couldn't have any twigs, couldn't have any leaves, couldn't have any fruit— that almost killed that tree. But the tree was very happy; managed to supply this beautiful wood so the friend could build a house for their family. Never saw the kid for another four or five years, and the tree was half-dead, anyway. But the kid came back again, now about 30, and said, "Tree, I hate to say this but I need something more from you: I'm starting a business now, carpentry business, making furniture— can I please take your trunk?" And the tree said, "That's all I've got left, but I'll be so happy to give it to you because I really care for you; I want you to do well in life. You got a kid. You got a family. You do need something to feed your kids and look after your family and buy things for them and send them to good schools. Come and take my trunk; it's very good; it's really strong inside." So the next day, the kid sawed the trunk of the tree, took it away and started his business. And the tree never saw him for about 30, 40 years. You know just because you take the trunk down doesn't mean the tree dies. You know we had a Bodhi Tree at Bodhinyana, and we had a big fire in 1991, and we thought the tree had died. For 3 years, nothing was happening, and I really thought it had gone. And after 3 years being dormant, it started to put forth shoots; the roots underground was very obviously damaged by the huge bushfire, but was still alive, still had a bit of energy left, and built up that energy, waiting for the 3 years before it could put forth shoots. The tree's still there now many years later. So, many years later, the old child came again; he was an old man now. And he said, "I've just come back here for nostalgia; remember all those wonderful days I had when I was a young, kid climbing up you. I remember all those wonderful things which you helped me with: you gave me your twigs to make a nice little tree house —I had so much fun making the tree house and living in you; I remember all the fruit you gave me to go to university; the incredible amount of fruit you gave me, which almost killed you, so I could get married; and the branches which I made my house out of and even the trunk which made me have a business which was quite successful." He said, "But now I haven't come to ask you for anything." The tree said, "Pretty good job because there's nothing else to give." (LAUGHTER) "But, I just come to say thank you; I've had a wonderful life thanks to you." And the old tree said, "Actually, I have still got something to give you: you're very old now and you need to rest. Lay down your head on my roots and I can just support you just for a few more times." So the kid, now an old man, laid his head on the roots of this tree, which had helped him all his life, and fell into a nice, quiet sleep, and the tree was so happy. That is a simile— the tree stands for your parents, your mom and dad, who will give everything for you, Just like the tree gave little twigs so the kid could build a little tree house— how many of you have had little children and they climb all over you, pulling your hair, putting their feet in your mouth or whatever it is, and you love it; you're just so happy to have your kids just play with you. And then, later on, when they go to university you just work so hard, saving money, getting loans from the bank which you can't really afford, just to make sure they get a good education. When they get married— last Sunday, I performed two marriage services, and you see the parents just so proud; they'd give anything just to see their daughter, their son, just so happy. And the tree would give just twice as much fruit as it could possibly afford because it just loved seeing the children happy. And, of course, building a house— where did your deposit come from for many of you? Your mom and dad, even though it's their superannuation they cash it in for you, help you with your business all your life. And in the end, all they really want is for you to lay down your head on their lap because they will love you forever; no matter what you ask for, even if it kills them, they give it to you. That tree are your parents and you are that little boy; you are that student; you are that boy about to get married, wanting a house, starting a job, Just wanting a rest— they're just so happy just to see you. That is my wonderful simile of giving. What did the tree get out of that? It just get cut down and killed but did the tree ever want anything else? Just to be able to give. That is my answer when people say, "Oh, I don't get anything back in return except shit when I give." Exactly! That is why we give; that is a joy of giving; that is the wonderful thing about sacrificing, giving to people you love, you care for —and that can be anyone— you don't expect anything back in return; in fact, if you do get something back in return, it's not giving, it's business

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• Her mother-in-law had the face of Guanyin

  In brief: A Vietnamese woman married to an Australian could not win over a hostile (possibly racist) mother-in-law despite food, chanting and metta.…

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  there was this Vietnamese girl who married an Australian Caucasian and they loved each other. Really two good people. But the problem was her mother-in-law. I don't know why mothersin-law have these reputations, but someone did tell me that if you rearrange the letters which smell which spell mother-in-law, you rearrange those letters, it actually spells Hitler woman. [laughter] You can you can try that when you go home. But not all women are like that. Obviously, not more mothers-in-law. Some mothers are not really sweet and nice. But anyway, this was one of those mothersin-law, which you know, she must have been quite racist, I would suppose, because why did you marry sort of an Asian girl? Aren't they nice Aussie girls to marry or whatever? But you know, just she they fell in love. They're both really good people. But the Vietnamese girl, you know, she really, of course, and this is my husband's f mother. Of course, I've got to love her and got to try and reconcile. So, she realized I've got really good qualities. And so, she tried everything apparently everything to try and find out how to get her mother-in-law to love her. She tried, you know, getting special food for her, but you know, her mother-in-law didn't like noodles. and and tried even then she went to the temple and asked the monk to do some chanting. Please make my mother-in-law love me. Didn't work. She tried doing loving kindness meditation. You know that's another type of meditation. You sit there. Oh, may my love mother-in-law be happy and well. Maybe she free of suffering. May she be just so blissful. That didn't work. [snorts] And she had tried everything apparently to get her mother-in-law to love her. Nothing worked except the very last strategy which she used. Now you may know in the Vietnamese traditions mostly Mahayana they have this image of likewan yin the goddess of mercy. Now you know sometimes as a terravada Buddhist we don't have that in Terravada Buddhism but you know I've talked to many many people over the years and many many people especially like Vietnamese boat people in those days when they sort of fled Vietnam and they just trusted their life you know to these rickety old boats sailing a huge distance to get to Australia such a long long long journey and most of them didn't make it. Some did. And I remember a lot of them they they told me that they were just know they were robbed by pirates. They had no money. They didn't know what they were going to do. They're going to make anywhere. And many of them I remember them. These are people I've talked to personally eventually ended up in Perth. They said that they had uh just almost losing it and they saw this image of the this they call it goddess of mercy Quanin coming over the the waves to them and they swore to me they actually saw it and then right behind this goddess of mercy Quanin they saw a a British frigot you know when Hong Kong was under the Brits sailing towards them to save them. Quan came first mobly leading the Brits to rescue rescue these poor refugees and of course then they got taken to Hong Kong and eventually settled over here in Australia. There's so many stories like that and it's something which you know in religion in spirituality now what actually did they see but anyway that's another question but you know you can't deny that they said they definitely saw that but anyway this woman said well what can I do she went to the temple and of course in these stories her meditation wasn't that good Instead, she fell asleep. And when she was know asleep in the temple and what she actually saw was like a vision of this goddess of mercy come to help her. And she was really surprised. But there was a difference. It wasn't the normal goddess of mercy you see in Buddhist temples, Mahayana temples. The one which she saw no looked like the ordinary goddess of mercy but had a different face. The face was exactly the same as her mother-in-law [laughter] and that was all was necessary. Once she she saw her mother-in-law look like the goddess of mercy. Next time she saw her mother-in-law, her attitude totally changed somehow or other. Just seeing something beautiful, good, lovable, and really inspiring in a person who you didn't like or didn't like you was all that was necessary to change her attitude. And apparently since that time that uh the the the goddess of mercy otherwise known as mother-in-law changed her attitude and now they have this beautiful relationship. And that was actually told by one of the Vietnamese nuns who live in Perth many years ago

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• Grandmother with dementia still knew the monk

  In brief: Near the end, grandmother has long dementia; in a UK ward she recognises Brahm at once while barely recognising his brother.

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  many years ago now eight nine years ago when she finally passed away she had dementia for such a long time and once she passed away it was a kind of I felt kind of relieved and happy for her. If you ever seen people with like dementia that they can't sometimes they don't remember who you are. I always thought that I don't know there wasn't that many. In fact, I was the only one who went into the the the old people's dementia ward or Alzheimer's ward know with a bald head and a brown robe. I thought at least she can remember me cuz I was different than everybody else. But no, she didn't even remember me at all. But I do recall when my uh my grandmother had dementia too. I remember when I went to go and see her in a sort of a ward in UK just outside of London. When I went in to see her, I went in with her with my brother. My brother lives in London. And so he was looking after her, going to visit her every week. And I'd only go once every three or four years whenever I could get into England because I was in a busy year. I remember just going to see my grandmother and as soon as she saw me, she recognized me straight away

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