'Doctor, have you got anything for worms?'

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• George Burns on worrying

  In brief: At 96, comedian George Burns still stays out at nightclubs, drinks whisky, smokes and eats fatty food. Asked if he isn't worried about his…

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  This is one of my favourite quotes. He is real scallywag but you could admire this person, he was very smart, that comedian George Burns. He is dead now but when he actually said somewhere when he was 96 or 97 birthday. And those of you who know this American Comedian; he was a scallywag all his life. Now at 96 he was still going to night clubs ok;. staying out till 2 or 3 in the morning drinking lots of Whisky, smoking as well eating KFC and all these fatty foods. And they asked him (probably healthy foods at KFC I have to be careful they would sue me or the Buddhist Society) but anyway you know what I mean. I don't need to criticize any food any way eating really sort of unhealthy food and the interviewer asked him 'aren't you afraid of your health, aren't you worried with your lifestyle , you smoke you drinks alcohol, you eat fatty food, you are out late at night ; aren't you worried about your lifestyle? And his reply was 'no I am not worried about my lifestyle my wife was worried about my lifestyle and that's why she died 20 years ago.

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• Grasshopper and the pool of acid

  In brief: In an episode of 'Kung Fu', the blind master shows the novice Grasshopper a pool of 'acid' with bones at the bottom and a plank across it,…

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  I can't help but mention that story which is in "Opening the Door of Your Heart," about the TV story which I saw as a young man called "Kung Fu." I think with David Carradine, I think, if my memory is good. I remember this particular scene which was all about the power of fear. In this particular scene, they took this young monk, this novice monk, he's called "Grasshopper," and he had a master, this blind very very wise Buddhist monk who was teaching him all sorts of interesting things about life. But this was real Buddhism, it was not theory, it was actually life, practice. So in this one episode he took little Grasshopper inside a room, a secret room which was normally kept locked and no novice was allowed to go in. And as he opened the door and took little Grasshopper in, and obviously the camera followed, in this little movie-TV series. And when the lights became easy to see, the master asked Grasshopper, because the master was blind, he said "Grasshopper, what can you see, what can you see?" And Grasshopper, and I looking at the TV, Grasshopper said, "A swimming pool, it's like a pool." And the master said, "Be very careful, but go to the edge, and what you see in the bottom?" Grasshopper very carefully went to the edge of the pool and he said, "I see bones, lots of bones in the pool, master." "Exactly" said the master, "Those are human bones, because that isn't water, that is acid, strong concentrated acid, be careful." Of course Grasshopper stood back, because this is dangerous. "What else do you see," said the master. "I see a plank," said Grasshopper, "stretching from one side of the pool to the other side." "Exactly, said the master, "This is going to be a test for you, as all novices have to pass this test, you have to walk on that plank across the pool of strong concentrated acid, and I don't want you to fall in and add your bones to the bones of all the other young novices who fell in." Little Grasshopper looked very scared, and I must admit, watching the TV, I got scared too. [laughter] "But," said the master "come outside." And outside in the monastery courtyard there was another plank exactly the same size and length, only just put on two bricks. "Practice," said the master to Grasshopper, "you have 7 days, no other duties, just practice walking on this plank, because in 7 days' time you'll have to walk over the acid," strong concentrated novice-eating acid. So he practiced for 7 days, no problem at all, after half a day, easy to balance. But after 7 days it was a real thing, and the master took Grasshopper into the room once again, and the master ordered Grasshopper, "Stand on the edge of the plank." And you could see the novice's legs start to wobble out of terror, 'cause this was not just on a plank over hard concrete in the courtyard, this was over acid and one slip, one little error and he would fall in and die a horrible death. "Walk," said the master. And Grasshopper turned around, and you could read the look on Grasshopper's face, "Don't, please master, don't let me walk." "Walk," said the master, so Grasshopper started walking, unsteadily at first but as he got closer to the middle it was even more unsteady as his legs appeared to start to give way. You could see him shake, and then wobble and then sway, and it really looked like he was about to fall in, and that's when it stopped for the commercial breaks. [laughter] I hated those commercial breaks. So you had to watch stupid advertisements for soap powder and toothpaste before you could go back and find out what really happened to Grasshopper. So after an interminable wait on these stupid advertisements, you were back in that terrifying room. But usually just 3 or 4 seconds behind where they left off, you can start to see Grasshopper, he wasn't swaying yet, he was just wobbling. As he got closer to the middle of the pool, he wobbled and swayed even more and it looked like he was gonna fall in, you know what happened? He fell in, he fell into the pool of acid. And what did the compassionate master do? He just laughed as Grasshopper splashed around, and the master laughed even more, and Grasshopper realized he wasn't being burned. Master said, "Grasshopper, you found out now, it's only water, it wasn't acid, it was just water, and as for the bones, we just threw them down there for special effects, to make you scared. Why did you fall in, little Grasshopper? Fear pushed you in, fear made you fall, only fear.

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• “Fear killed twenty thousand”

  In brief: Plague demons meet in a forest clearing to compare tolls: one killed 1,000 in Paris, another 2,000 in London; the third says he killed…

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  I remember reading that in a great story by Edgar Allan Poe, "The Mask of the Red Death," only a short story. I remember it was a story about the plagues which hit Europe during the Middle Ages, which devastated 20%, 30%, 40% of the population of cities. And then this little scene from the play... there were the demons, the devils who were supposed to be spreading this plague, and they met together in a clearing in the forest, and one asked the other, "You've been to Paris, how many people did you kill there?" "1,000." "You've been to London, how many you kill there?" "2,000." "You've been to some other city, Frankfurt, how many killed there?" "I only killed about 50, but fear killed 20,000.

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• What if it doesn't come back?

  In brief: At the opening of a new campus of the Cancer Support/Wellness Association in Cottesloe, Ajahn Brahm is the second VIP guest after the…

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  I always go to the Cancer Wellness Association over in cottesloe I'm well known over there I go there once a year they come to Monastery once a year and just last year when they built a huge complex there a new campus they call it in Railway parade in codisloe having a big opening and the premier was the first VIP guess who the second VIP was and I said why are you inviting me well it's not the archbishops you know no rabbis no movie stars no Hugh jackmans or any models or anything just actually Empire why and it's because they told me that I've been going to that place for over 26 years and always being of service to them and they really value me there so much so I said I said well why and that's when they told me the very first time I went there I talked about fear and how to overcome it and that had a huge impact on the people who attend that place because what happened there was one woman there she had been through cancer in remission but there was a problem her problem was what happens if it comes back again and she was so terrified of that that was her fear and and you can understand you know if you've been through a Cancer all that treatment which is really harsh and you beat it but do I have can I do this again and so that was a fair what would happen if it happens again but I came along apparently that no one else could actually solve that problem answer that question until I came along and I answered the question for her and the question was you know what happens if he comes back and I told her what happens if it won't come back if it doesn't come back at all then what and this woman actually got it straight away yeah I never thought of that I was always so afraid of it coming back and even thought of what might happen if it never comes back and it never came back but she comes back every year to see me

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