He died of the blunt knife and the running tap

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• The ghost at the toilet door

  In brief: After a funeral, a terrified 11-year-old novice stays in the hall all night; at 2 a.m. he dashes to the outdoor toilet, hears scratching…

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  I remember this story - this poor little novice staying in our monastery in Thailand. Because it was a cremation monastery that day was the moon day when we would meditate all night...that poor little novice, we did a funeral that day, and were supposed to meditate all night... in the hall. Now usually, little novices, they are only about 11-12 years of age, there is no way they would stay up all night, they would sneak off in the middle of their night back to their house. We knew they did this, it was breaking the rules, but they were only small little monks, so we didn't mind. And we've go to be kind.. Not this day. This night, that little novice, he would not leave the hall. [Laughter]. Because he was just so afraid of the ghost. See even the [Laughter]. Those dogs must have been reborn in Thailand. Last night. [Laughter]. Great special effects. Now these, here they go again. [Laughter]. Shut up, dogs! [Laughter]. There, they're going now. Now these ghosts, or rather this little novice, the poor little novice, stuck in that hall, you know 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, 12 o'clock, too scared to go out. When it got to about 2 o'clock in the morning he just couldn't hold his urine any longer. He had to go to the toilet. And the trouble is the toilet was about 20 meters outside the hall. [Some laughter]. In the darkness. So this poor little, you can imagine what he felt like, he had the pain in his bladder against the fear of that ghost getting him. So he made a run for it - desperation. He ran and he got to the toilet, locked the door. He'd only been in that toilet for about a few minutes when he heard the steps. [Laughter]. And it came right to the toilet cubicle he was in and started scratching. Can you get a scratch..? [Scratches tissue box]. I tried to get some special effects.. for the tape [Laughter]. A scratch at the door..and this poor little novice didn't come out of that toilet cubicle for about 3 hours. [Laughter]. And when he came out he was telling us - the ghost came to get him! The ghost! And he heard it, he heard it scratching. Another monk saw that ghost.. You know what it was? It was a civet cat. Like a possum. Those of you who've been to Asia know they've got squat toilets. The toilets are actually on the floor, and that little possum, civet cat, every evening he would go into that toilet cubicle to get some water to drink from the toilet bowl. That was his drinking place. And so that evening all that happened was this little possum walked to that toilet and was scratching the door - "please let me in, I'm thirsty". [Laughter]. But that little novice [laughs], he was a ghost coming to get me! And you can actually see how because of wrong thinking, and because there was a funeral that day, thinking all day, thinking all evening, and what was just a little jungle cat, just coming for a drink, he thought it was a ghost and he was in that toilet for about 3 or 4 hours - poor little novice.

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• The tiger that was a mouse

  In brief: Meditating alone at night deep in the Thai jungle, Ajahn Brahm hears rustling. As a Cambridge-trained scientist he assesses it: a small…

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  so I was meditating in the jungle really dark no lights had a sort of flashlight but it was you know had to conserve the power and there was no mobile phones no one took court if there was any danger there deep in the jungle alone meditating now the jungle can be really peaceful at first especially you know when they see Carters you know start to die down after Sunset you'll be very peaceful and very cool you know Tyler is a very hot country but in the forest the shade of the trees maybe it's just the oxygen which they give up gives a beautiful atmosphere it's really cool and very peaceful and so secluded hardly any disturbances at all so I was getting into some really nice deep meditation until I heard a sound there's always something in the jungle crawling around and so I was mindful as you know I've been practicing this for years I was very mindful I didn't need to open my eyes if I did I couldn't say anything it was pitched dark I just listened and and assessed I was brought up as a scientist in Cambridge University so I did some like assessment gather some data and use some reason and by the sound of this animal it was only just you know not really crushing leaves it was just a little bit of rustling in the leaves so I assessed it and said oh it's only maybe a small little animal just you know walking through the jungle nothing to be afraid of so then I started meditating again but then after another couple of minutes I realized it was coming much closer and as it was closer I could hear it more clearly and I realized no no it's not a small animal it's a medium-sized one you could tell by the way it was actually crashing the leaves and breaking the Twigs but still nothing to be really afraid of and then when it got really close wow that's not a medium-sized one that's a big one because the way it was making a noise it must be something really heavy to actually to break not tweaks but like almost like small branches and crushing the leaves on the forest floor because you can't walk in the forest without any noise there's too much undergrowth and too much leaves litter on the ground this was a big animal that was dangerous and I got really scared and I picked up my flashlight and you know the waste of time for that really was a tiger that just tell you the tiger where you were but that's how stupid you are you pick up your flashlight and you look for it where's the big tiger and then I saw it I saw it just not that far in front of me this tiny Mouse about this big that's what it was and that tiny Mouse had been making us more noise but it was my fear with an exaggerated that sound into thinking it really was a tiger

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• The benefits of dying at 30,000 feet

  In brief: Ajahn Brahm lists the 'benefits' of dying in an aircraft explosion: instant painless death, instant cremation (no backlog), ashes…

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  if you die in an aircraft explosion, you know, up in to get shot down or something, there are three benefits. The three benefits of dying at 30,000 ft up in the air. The first benefit, it's, you know, it's an instant death. So there's no pain or no problem there at all. Just bang and that's it. So it's painfree. Number two, it's instant. That's actually four benefits. Instant cremation. [laughter] Oh, come on. Be realistic. Sometimes, you know, there is a backlog of people needing to be sort of cremated. I've seen the hab done many cremations say we can't do it today. We have to do it sort of on Monday or Tuesday or something public holiday or whatever. This is done on the spot. Number three, you know what you what do you do with the ashes? This is a big problem we're just talking about even today over in Bodana Monastery. All the spaces in the wall are getting full and sometimes in the ground there's no place to put your ashes. What we going to do next? But if it's an aircraft explosion, your ashes are scattered automatically. And the best the best part of this Oh, no. It's actually two more benefits. Keep in mind as I go along, honestly, how expensive are funerals? This is not just for free. It is you get money back from this with the insurance. The aircraft company gives you [laughter] a big compensation. But the best part of it not the finances. Finances are so worldly spiritually spiritually. Imagine dying at 30,000 ft. You're so close to heaven. It's easy to go

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• “What if a tree did not fall when we were underneath it?”

  In brief: Walking home from Rabbit's house through a storm, little Piglet freezes as trees crash around them: “What would happen if a tree fell down…

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  So Winnie-the-Pooh was with his friend, Piglet. And Piglet was a very small being. Very kind. Very loyal. But being very small, was usually subject to a lot of fear. And then one day, they were walking back from Rabbit's house in a storm like we had today and yesterday. And as they were walking through the forest, trees were coming down around them, branches were crashing to the floor and even whole trees were being ripped off and smashing around them. That was very dangerous. So dangerous, so scary, that little Piglet could stand it no longer. He froze and he looked at his best friend, Winnie-the-Pooh, and said these words: "I can't go on any longer. I just can't. What would happen? What would happen if a tree fell down when we were underneath it?" And that was a possibility. And for a second, but only a second, the great philosopher and enlightened bear, Winnie-the-Pooh, was afraid, but only for a second. And then his wisdom kicked in and he looked at his terrified friend and replied with these reassuring words: "What would happen if a tree did not fall when we were underneath it? And that was also possible. In fact, even more possible. And that was the key to overcoming little Piglet's fear so he could move on with the thought, "What would happen if a tree did not fall when we were underneath it?" And that's exactly what happened, so he could go back safely.

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