Newton's plague year was his most fruitful

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• The hermit of the Nullarbor

  In brief: Ajahn Brahm's monk's fantasy: living as a hermit in a deep Nullarbor cave with water beneath. Then he imagines what would follow — someone…

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  I always had these fantasies like going in deep caves. This was my fantasy. Coz when I first came over here I heard there’s some brilliant caves in Nullarbor. And they’ve got water underneath as well. So you’ve got your water, you’ve got seclusion. And I felt sure I can get someone to give me some food somewhere. And I thought I would become like the hermit of Nullarbor. That’s my fantasy. This is what monks dream of. They don’t dream of winning the lottery or finding a beautiful girl. They dream of being a nice hermit in a deep cave in Nullarbor. But then I started fantasizing further: what would happen next? Imagine, if you were like a monk and you’re staying in a deep cave in Nullarbor, sooner or later somebody will find you. And the soonest they find you, they will tell Channel 9. (laughter) And Channel 9 will go out there with their reporters to do like a human interest story about the hermit of the Nullarbor. “And why did you run away? Was it because of a broken heart? (laughter from the audience) Was it because… was it because your business went pear-shaped? Or because some other reason why you just didn’t like the world anymore? Because the Eagles kept on losing, was that the reason why you why you went to be a hermit?” (Ajahn laughing) And then they do an interview, and of course it would go on the TV and of course as soon as the TV would go there and they tell you that there’s a hermit at their Nullarbor, and of course all these tourists will start to come and visit you on the way across the Nullarbor Plain they make a diversion to go and see the hermit of the Nullarbor. Coz that’s very rare to see like a hermit. And so I’ve got all those tour busses coming to see the hermit of the Nullarbor. And then soon they would have to have toilets outside my cave and a little gift shop which has devontiontees. And before long you get those little dolls like the hermit of the Nullarbor with a shaky head. (audience laughing) And so you’d be a tourist attraction. Just like everything else. And that’s what happens with the hermit of the Nullarbor

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• Six months alone, and the kangaroos ate the pizza

  In brief: Sometime between 2000 and 2008 his year's sabbatical shrank to six months. Instead of touring, he stayed in a hut in the Serpentine forest…

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  I spent six months without seeing any human being, without talking to anybody else. What had happened was, I was supposed to have a sabbatical, a year off, but then it, one thing led to another, I can only have six months off, so you go anywhere in the world, where would you like to go for six months? I could go touring here, visiting this monastery or that monastery, but I said, "No." Why do people always have to seek for happiness somewhere else? Why can't I find that happiness right where I am in that monastery where I worked so hard to build it up? So I said, “No, I'm not going to seek for happiness contentment anywhere else,” I could go wherever I wanted to, but I decided to find the best happiness and truth and freedom and wisdom right here. So I had a hut in the forest in Serpentine and I stayed there for six months, never went anywhere except deeper and deeper inside.. And it was arranged that we had a box…, actually where's that box now? The box which…, I think it's over… Okay, still is there somewhere, anyway, we had a little box there, and in the morning, at a certain time, about 10:30, one of the monks would actually put my bowl with food in the box, and I'd know the time they were coming, so I knew to be in my hut, and afterwards I will go to the box, open it up, eat the food, and then wash the bowl, put it in the box there for the next day. So I never, it's much better than Uber Eats, it was “Monk Eats". I never got charged, I never saw anybody. So there I was, and they knew I was alive because they see my bowl, and the food was eaten, so and it could have been the Kangaroos, I suppose, eating the food, but no it was me, although sometimes, those kangaroos…, you know, that they're really really really smart, and they soon found out that I was, you know, in that hut, and sometimes you'd leave your food outside on the veranda, it's a walking path, and leave the bowl there just for a few minutes to go inside to get something 'cause I liked eating on the veranda at first, and you know what happened? You find a kangaroo with it's head inside my bowl, (laughs) taking the first choice of food before I ever got to it! And so I from that time I decided to, to eat inside my hut, and so even inside, but, you know, the window was open and the kangaroo will come up onto my path, and look at me through the window, and ahh… a poor kangaroo, so you know, you felt sort of some compassion for this poor.. They had plenty of grass, but then, I started by putting some healthy food outside, I remember, like a carrot, or some…, but you know, they weren't interested in that, you know the food they liked the most when I was on retreat? Pizza! Honest! (laughter) Like…, it was, I don’t know if it's healthy for them, but, you know, that's what the Kangaroos decided they wanted to eat, see a little kangaroo with a little pizza in their mouth, they loved that

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• Half of what we teach you is wrong

  In brief: A doctor driving Ajahn Brahm to a retreat recalls the welcome speech at his Sydney medical school: the head of the school told the new…

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  he was the head of warp in Salford Hospital in Sydney head of the Medical School and I heard this from one of the the doctors who's taking me driving me to a retreat who said there are the beginning of his years as a as in medical school the head of the department giving the welcome speech to everybody who was gonna spend the next four years in war pins half-wit Hospital Medical School who said 50% of what we're going to teach you in the next four years is wrong this was the professor saying what we're gonna teach him next for you is 50% of it is wrong the problem is he said we're not quite sure which 50% it is

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• The ornamental hermit found in the pub

  In brief: Someone showed Ajahn Brahm a book of oddities: in England, wealthy estate owners once made it fashionable to keep their own hermit. They…

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  somebody went on the internet and they had this little book of weird things and one of the chapters of this book was a chapter in United Kingdom in England about 120 30 years ago where actually being a Hermit was a profession and in the newspapers that would actually adverti for Hermits because what was happening all these really rich people with their Estates in England they would start you know they had the big house and it was a fashionable thing the in thing was to have your own hermit and they would actually build these grottos in their grounds of these these country homes and they make little caves and they'd actually advertise in the newspapers for a Hermit and of course once they got a good one after dinner you know served by their Butlers in his Rich homes then they take their guests for a little walk in their Garden to see their hermit and of course the hermit would give you a little bit of stupid words which everyone think was wise and it would impress your friends in those days every rich person should have one is one of those must have things and I remember one of the stories about this person was advertising they built their Grotto had a big home and they called them ornamental Hermits it's true that's what they're called ornamental Hermits they adverti the newspaper and it's actually really good job because they were describing this one person you'd don't have to work for three years that was your contract and as part of the contract you weren't allowed to cut your hair nor cut your nails nor wash the smellier the better but whatever you wanted to eat they'd actually you know whatever you wanted they'd actually send the best food from their kitchens to feed you and at the end of three years they give you a huge sum of money for being the ornamental hermit but it was actually very difficult to find real Hermits because one story was this guy came in he looked really weird enough really long hair freaky enough to be a real hermit and he would sit in his cave and when the people would come they would he give them sort of wise advice so he was like a professional hermit but apparently he got the sack after four weeks when they found him in the pub after work because that's not really what a Hermit should be doing going to the puff after work you know it's like a full-time hermit it's supposed to be wise and you know but anyway that that was a fashion which lasted about 10 years I think in 1860s and 1870s in England

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