'Never mind, we'll get another one'

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• Grasshopper and the pool of acid

  In brief: In an episode of 'Kung Fu', the blind master shows the novice Grasshopper a pool of 'acid' with bones at the bottom and a plank across it,…

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  I can't help but mention that story which is in "Opening the Door of Your Heart," about the TV story which I saw as a young man called "Kung Fu." I think with David Carradine, I think, if my memory is good. I remember this particular scene which was all about the power of fear. In this particular scene, they took this young monk, this novice monk, he's called "Grasshopper," and he had a master, this blind very very wise Buddhist monk who was teaching him all sorts of interesting things about life. But this was real Buddhism, it was not theory, it was actually life, practice. So in this one episode he took little Grasshopper inside a room, a secret room which was normally kept locked and no novice was allowed to go in. And as he opened the door and took little Grasshopper in, and obviously the camera followed, in this little movie-TV series. And when the lights became easy to see, the master asked Grasshopper, because the master was blind, he said "Grasshopper, what can you see, what can you see?" And Grasshopper, and I looking at the TV, Grasshopper said, "A swimming pool, it's like a pool." And the master said, "Be very careful, but go to the edge, and what you see in the bottom?" Grasshopper very carefully went to the edge of the pool and he said, "I see bones, lots of bones in the pool, master." "Exactly" said the master, "Those are human bones, because that isn't water, that is acid, strong concentrated acid, be careful." Of course Grasshopper stood back, because this is dangerous. "What else do you see," said the master. "I see a plank," said Grasshopper, "stretching from one side of the pool to the other side." "Exactly, said the master, "This is going to be a test for you, as all novices have to pass this test, you have to walk on that plank across the pool of strong concentrated acid, and I don't want you to fall in and add your bones to the bones of all the other young novices who fell in." Little Grasshopper looked very scared, and I must admit, watching the TV, I got scared too. [laughter] "But," said the master "come outside." And outside in the monastery courtyard there was another plank exactly the same size and length, only just put on two bricks. "Practice," said the master to Grasshopper, "you have 7 days, no other duties, just practice walking on this plank, because in 7 days' time you'll have to walk over the acid," strong concentrated novice-eating acid. So he practiced for 7 days, no problem at all, after half a day, easy to balance. But after 7 days it was a real thing, and the master took Grasshopper into the room once again, and the master ordered Grasshopper, "Stand on the edge of the plank." And you could see the novice's legs start to wobble out of terror, 'cause this was not just on a plank over hard concrete in the courtyard, this was over acid and one slip, one little error and he would fall in and die a horrible death. "Walk," said the master. And Grasshopper turned around, and you could read the look on Grasshopper's face, "Don't, please master, don't let me walk." "Walk," said the master, so Grasshopper started walking, unsteadily at first but as he got closer to the middle it was even more unsteady as his legs appeared to start to give way. You could see him shake, and then wobble and then sway, and it really looked like he was about to fall in, and that's when it stopped for the commercial breaks. [laughter] I hated those commercial breaks. So you had to watch stupid advertisements for soap powder and toothpaste before you could go back and find out what really happened to Grasshopper. So after an interminable wait on these stupid advertisements, you were back in that terrifying room. But usually just 3 or 4 seconds behind where they left off, you can start to see Grasshopper, he wasn't swaying yet, he was just wobbling. As he got closer to the middle of the pool, he wobbled and swayed even more and it looked like he was gonna fall in, you know what happened? He fell in, he fell into the pool of acid. And what did the compassionate master do? He just laughed as Grasshopper splashed around, and the master laughed even more, and Grasshopper realized he wasn't being burned. Master said, "Grasshopper, you found out now, it's only water, it wasn't acid, it was just water, and as for the bones, we just threw them down there for special effects, to make you scared. Why did you fall in, little Grasshopper? Fear pushed you in, fear made you fall, only fear.

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• Ajahn Chah's eyes stop on the four-year monk

  In brief: At Magha Puja at Wat Pah Pong, before thousands of lay people and some 150 monks, Ajahn Chah's gaze runs down the line of monks, passes…

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  Imagine this, this was in February after my - I had only been a monk for four years, and this was the second biggest festival in the whole Buddhist calendar in Thailand. The full moon of February. It was called Magha Puja. Second only to Vesak in its size. So together with all the other disciples of my teacher Ajahn Chah, we went to his monastery, Wat Pah Pong, where there must have been five or six thousand people, lay people, and all the monks were there as well. And in the evening after the chanting, it was time for the talk, for the sermon, and I was looking forward to hearing Ajahn Chah teach something inspiring. But sometimes he didn't give the talk. Sometimes he would ask his second monk or his third monk to give the talk. Sometimes he would ask for any monk to give the talk, and that was scary. And what he'd do, he looked down this line of monks, this line of maybe 100, 150 monks, and if his eyes stopped at you, you were in trouble. Big trouble. So I remember this very clearly, his eyes went down the line, past all these very senior monks who could give really good talks, and he came to me, and went past. Phew. I was so relieved he was going to choose someone below me, someone who could speak Thai, because the talk had to be in Thai. But then his eyes stopped and went up the line again - he was a sadist - and stopped at me. "Brahmavamso, get up and give the talk!" I'd only been four years as a monk and I had to give the talk on this huge occasion in front of about six or seven thousand Thais. As I tell the story, it was 6000. Now it has gone up to 7000. This is just what happens when you give talks. And with all these senior monks and in front of my teacher, how would you feel? You were trained it didn't matter. You just went up there and gave a talk in Thai. It didn't matter how it came out, because the whole purpose of that was teaching you how to overcome your fear.

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• White knuckles on the first bicycle

  In brief: Young Ajahn Brahm's father saves up for his first bicycle; he keeps falling off until he notices his white knuckles and plank-stiff body —…

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  This story I remember when I was young. I was young and my father, I begged him, and he saved up, I think, for a birthday or a Christmas. I can't remember what. He bought me a bicycle. The first bicycle I ever had. And, of course, being a kid with his first bicycle, you get on that bicycle and try to ride it and keep falling off. And I kept falling off and I never realised why until I looked at myself. I was holding on to those handle bars with so much fear that my knuckles went white. I was so afraid of falling off and my body was as stiff as a plank. And because I was so stiff, I was holding on too tight. Whenever the bike would move to the left, I would never be able to compensate. My body was too stiff to bend and to accommodate, which is why I kept falling off. It was fear that kept pushing me over. And it was only later on when I just relaxed, I found that I could stay on that bicycle with more ease. In fact, when you're really relaxed, you didn't fall off at all.

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• “Another hour!” — Ajahn Sumedho's four-hour talk

  In brief: Ajahn Sumedho gives an hour's talk in Thai to the overnight lay guests; each time he stops, Ajahn Chah calls “Another hour!” — through…

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  Ajahn Sumedho, it was him who was asked to give a talk, not on such a big occasion, but on the weekly talks, to all the lay community who were staying in this monastery overnight. So he gave a talk in Thai. It was sort of all right, but westerners giving a talk in a foreign language, it's difficult. Sometimes you say the wrong word and people laugh and you don't know what you've said, but you find out afterwards. You get very embarrassed. And after he finished the hour, he went to stop the talk and go and sit down, but Ajahn Chah said, "Another hour!" And he ordered this monk to give another hours' talk in Thai. You know, that's very difficult. You end up repeating yourselves, telling the same stories. You know, I tell the same stories, but I usually wait two or three weeks, you know, before - and that's why I really like - what I really like talking to is old people who haven't got such a good memory, because then they can always laugh at my talk jokes every week, even though it's the same joke. So he had to do another hour. And when finished the second hour, you know, he said, "Now the talk is over", and Ajahn Chah shouted out, "Another hour!". And at that point, many people got up and left. It's very embarrassing when you're giving a talk and people leave, but he had no choice. He had to keep on speaking. And now, of course, you get lots of pauses. You think, "Well, what am I going to say and how am I going to say it?" And eventually he finished. He finished the third hour. By that time, many people had left. And those people who were still there had their eyes closed, snoring. They weren't paying attention. But he got through the third hour. And then Ajahn Chah said, "Okay, another hour!". And the poor monk had to give another hour of talking. The worst possible talk you can ever imagine. Just mumbling, saying anything when everybody had left, except Ajahn Chah probably. And then Ajahn Chah finally, after four hours, let him off. And he said after that experience, he was never, ever afraid of giving a talk ever again.

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