All stories, A–Z
1,224 Buddhist wisdom stories, analogies and jokes — page 4 of 13. Browse by theme or life situation, or describe your situation to get a match.
H
- How to hold a glass of water still — Demonstration simile: however hard you try to hold a glass of water still, it trembles, and more…
- Hypnosis made the ice bath feel warm — On a TV hypnosis show a man sat in freezing water convinced it was a warm bath and enjoyed it —…
I
- “I always wanted to become a monk — but not now!” — At a 2,000-strong talk in Singapore, a man challenges what a monk could know about real-world…
- I am the Thai pirate — Early in his monkhood Ajahn Brahm was spun around by a poem of Thich Nhat Hanh from the…
- I can't believe how much my father has grown — Mark Twain (as Brahm tells it) runs away at ~18, returns years later and writes with satire that…
- I can't opener — What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? I can't opener.
- “I can't understand Thai ghosts” — At an open-air cremation in Thailand (of Ajahn Chah's brother, he thinks) all the monks leave as…
- 'I claim my prize!' — Ajahn Sujato (he thinks) tells him: walking through Sydney in his robes, he is stopped by a man…
- I could only see the names of the stars — In the Cambridge Astronomical Society he learns the names of stars and constellations. In Thailand…
- I demand my right to bow to Jesus — Invited with Chaplain Canon Frank Sheehan to Christ Church Grammar School's morning assembly, the…
- I don't hit sleepy meditators — I send them to bed — An audience mention of a Japanese Soto (captioned Hai/Dogen) monastery that hits sleepy monks…
- “I don't think I deserve so much happiness” — An Australian nun ordained in the UK visits Perth and comes right to the edge of the jhānas —…
- “I feel like a newborn baby” — One old man complains that ageing is terrible — aches everywhere, can't do what he used to. His…
- I finally realised I didn't need to win — A British schoolboy champion long-distance runner never loses — until one day he does. Asked why:…
- “I forgive. No payback.” — At a Curtin University human-rights course, Dennis Eggington (later head of the Aboriginal Legal…
- “I haven't got a tail — I'm not a dog” — A parent tells Ajahn Brahm that their bullied son used a Thai teaching he'd brought back: if…
- I knew you'd wake me for alms round — An old Scout friend visiting him in NE Thailand skipped the 3 a.m. wake-up but trusted Ajahn Brahm…
- 'I know all about it' — A boy tells his teacher 'I know all about it' — she gives him $5 not to tell the headmistress. A…
- I know you, Māra — Buddhist scriptures: Māra the mischief-maker is overcome not by fighting but by recognition — 'I…
- I know your little secret — A boy learns a pocket-money trick: tell sister 'I know your little secret' and collect $20; try…
- I lied about my age — I told her I was 90 — Seventy-year-old marries a young woman; friend asks if he lied about his age — yes: he said he was…
- “I never argued with anyone” — A fit 90-year-old says the secret of his long life is that he never argued with anyone. “That…
- “I never expected to see you in here” — Feeling awful and waiting at the local doctor's surgery, Ajahn Brahm is greeted by a friend from…
- “I never stopped loving you, George” — A Cockney friend of the monastery leaves his wife of about 40 years for a much younger woman; his…
- I noted jewelry going out, going out, going out — Joke about a meditator whose house is burgled: he was very mindful — noted burglar going in,…
- I put my hand on his knee — we could always solve our differences — As a young monk, Ajahn Brahm meets former Thai PM Dr Sanya Dharmasakti (later the King's chief…
- I realized I didn't have to win — Olympic-prospect distance runner loses his first race; asked why, he says he realised he didn't…
- I refused my girlfriend's meat curry — As a strict vegetarian layman his girlfriend cooks what she thinks he wants — a meat curry; he…
- 'I sent you two boats and a helicopter' — In a flood in southern Malaysia, a monk devoted to Kwan Yin, the goddess of mercy, climbs onto his…
- I think I'm enlightened — I don't feel myself — Monk wakes claiming enlightenment because he 'didn't feel himself' — Fennel Chan / anattā punchline.
- 'I thought you couldn't talk' — When he first came to Perth, Ajahn Brahm was the second monk; Ajahn Jagaro gave all the talks…
- I want happiness — scrub I, scrub want — Cartoon: angry man brings a monk a sign 'I want happiness'. Monk scrubs out the I (let go of…
- I want to be a dog next life — Man wants rebirth as a dog: no boss, lie around, good food, free health care — only job is walking…
- “I wish I could do that” — Ajahn Brahm hates braving the noisy shopping centre to buy flight tickets. Once the monk…
- 'I would' — Asked in Q&A what he's been most afraid of: at a friend's wedding reception while at Cambridge,…
- I'd rather die in the monastery — 25 more years — Famous monk in Thai royal hospital, told nothing more can be done for cancer, asks to die at his…
- I'll explain patience tomorrow — At a China retreat someone asks him to explain the importance of patience. He says he will let…
- I'll only go to work on Fridays — A man works hard Monday to Thursday with no paycheque, thinks of quitting, is forced in by his…
- I'm 888 months old — Bored of turning 74, he counts age in months — 888 — an auspicious number in Singapore, and jokes…
- “I'm doing nothing — and I'm not finished yet” — Someone asks the monk to come and chant to bust a ghost in their house. “Sorry, I'm busy.” “Doing…
- I'm going to marry you — she knew his name — On a Jhana Grove retreat a couple cannot keep apart despite the eight precepts. They explain:…
- I'm leaving — but there's only ocean — Janice and her husband, finishing a mining contract in WA, sold their house, bought a yacht with…
- I'm leaving — with five Singapore dollars — Singapore psychotherapist recognises his leaving-home story: at six she packed a suitcase, got…
- 'I'm marrying your best friend tomorrow' — Dennis, the Buddhist Society's marriage celebrant, came home and told his wife, 'I'm marrying your…
- 'I'm only going to tell you this once' — At a suicide-bomber training camp, on the last lesson the instructor gathers the recruits: 'I'm…
- I'm talking to the duck — Wife calls out whether tonight's dinner should be chicken, lamb or beef. Husband answers 'Chicken,…
- I'm the treasurer — I can squeeze five more drops — At a Northbridge pub an ex-Olympic wrestler offered free drinks to anyone who could squeeze five…
- 'I've been underneath him all my life' — After interring a man's ashes in the wall around Bodhinyana Monastery, Ajahn Brahm jokingly asked…
- I've been waiting for you for hours — get out — Five years a monk, walking without lifts, Ajahn Brahm asks Ajahn Suwat for a cave toward Sakon…
- I've lived in this castle 300 years — Tourist asks castle guide if he's seen a ghost; never, in all his time there — how long? 300…
- If I were President Bush after 9/11 — A week or two after 9/11, asked in Singapore what he would have done as President Bush, Ajahn…
- “If my daughter didn't have those faults…” — A newly married man tells his father-in-law that everything his bride does is charming — even how…
- “If only my house were this small” — Showing a visiting local women's group his small monastery hut, Ajahn Brahm hears one woman say…
- If she looks at you again, go for it — At about fourteen he asked his father how to find a girlfriend. Dad said: if a girl looks at you…
- If they flush the holy book — call a plumber — After Guantanamo Quran-flushing news, someone asks what he would do if a Buddhist holy book were…
- If you retire, you will die — Paying respects to Ajahn Ganha, Ajahn Brahm asks to retire from talks and travel. In front of…
- If you understand, you can explain it to the barmaid — Heisenberg (via Brahm): if you really understand quantum physics you can explain it to the bar…
- “If you're going to sweep, give it everything you've got” — A busy Sydney man flies to remote north-east Thailand just to ask Ajahn Chah his life questions,…
- Imprisoned in a six-star hotel — On a conference tour in Japan, his hosts put Ajahn Brahm in what he later hears was a six-star…
- In Laos, war stops for lunch — A monk friend, in Luang Prabang during the war between the communists and royalists, is eating…
- In Thai law the bus driver was guilty — Outside the Thai monastery a drunk villager on a bicycle, no lights, wrong side of the road, is…
- “In the building trade we call it a feature” — After Ajahn Brahm tells the two-bad-bricks story at the Cancer Support Association, a builder…
- In the loving arms of another man's wife — Ajahn Brahm 'confesses' that he spent some of the most wonderful times of his life in the loving…
- In this jail — no BS — On an early prison visit (Bunbury, then Fremantle while it was still open), a prisoner tells the…
- In Vietnam Adam would have eaten the snake — Archbishop Roger Herft's joke: if Eden had been in China or Vietnam there would have been no Fall…
- Income: nil — Renewing his low-income health care card, Ajahn Brahm writes 'Nil' in every income box. The first…
- Insure the house — live in a prison — Sydney man told to cut insurance premiums with screens, cameras and bars until home feels like…
- Interrupted by the radio — A former caretaker of the Perth centre retired to Beverley for a peaceful life but fell into…
- Interviewed on shipping because he had nothing to do — At a transport conference with minister Alannah MacTiernan he skips the late lunch; a reporter…
- IQ and thongs — A Vietnamese-Australian comedian's joke: as a schoolboy he asked his dad what IQ meant. 100 is…
- “Is this heavy?” — Ajahn Chah and the stick — Walking back from alms round, Ajahn Chah picks up a stick and asks the young Ajahn Brahm whether…
- It was only a cough — Ajahn Brahm coughs; within days the rumour spreads that he is dying of some terrible disease and…
- “It was only two murders” — A prisoner near the end of his sentence reads about the two bad bricks and goes around saying of…
- It wasn't the flag or the wind — your mouths were moving — Two monks argue whether the flag or the wind is moving; a Zen master says their minds are moving.…
- “It's a bit OTT, isn't it?” — Dragged along to the Taj Mahal on an India pilgrimage, Ajahn Brahm sits at a distance wondering…
- “It's about time you took the pansil” — As a young man who has been visiting a temple for some time, he's taken aside by a monk: it's…
- 'It's nice to cry' — A woman who comes to the Buddhist Society told Ajahn Brahm about her mother, who went every week…
- It's not the cough that carries you off — Mother's line: it's not the cough that carries you off — it's the coffin they carry you off in.
- “It's only fat” — “Same thing” — Travelling through the US with only his one small bag, a customs officer asks where the rest of…
- Itch on your head, scratching your bottom — Ajahn Chah's one-liner on blame, applied to the newly built monastery wall a backhoe pushed over:…
J
- Jack Kornfield waited outside Elizabeth Arden — Jack Kornfield back in the US still in robes visits his sister; she is in Elizabeth Arden; he sits…
- Jamaica drive-in needed a concrete screen — Visitor to a Jamaican drive-in wonders why the screen is thick concrete; locals shoot along with…
- Jeremy Horner — overnight monk, Pali Text auntie — Backpacker Jeremy Horner visits a NE Thailand monastery where Brahm is staying, asks to spend one…
- Jimi Hendrix drowning out Dad's Frank Sinatra — Ajahn Brahm's father, whom he loved deeply, died when Ajahn Brahm was 16. As a 14- or 15-year-old,…
- Jimmy Hendrix cured the student cold — As a student with a terrible cold he puts on music he loves (Jimmy Hendrix); excitement and joy…
- Joke: everything hurts — A man tells the doctor his whole body hurts: he touches his head, it hurts; his nose, his mouth,…
- Joke: four monks with a vow of silence — Four monks take a vow of silence. One sneezes. The first says, 'Bless you.' The second says,…
- Joke: round the meditation menu — A beginner on retreat can't do breath meditation, so he teaches them anapanasati; that's too hard,…
- Joke: the famous-quotations test — An American high-school teacher offers to let anyone who identifies a famous quotation go home…
- Joke: the tortoises escaped — After one of his retreats, a student goes back to his job at Perth Zoo so peaceful he can barely…
- Joke: the young man who couldn't keep a job — Friends find a bright but jobless young man work as a waiter; he quits after half a day — serving…
- Joke: tickets for the policemen's ball — A New South Wales policeman pulls over a speeding woman driver. She asks if he's stopped her to…
- 'Joy at last to know there's no happiness in the world' — A favourite image of Ajahn Chah's, which he used when visiting England about 25 years earlier: a…
- Judy and Richard Gere in Dharamsala — Judy, a BSWA member, goes to Dharamsala hoping to interview the Dalai Lama. Meditating one morning…
- Juggling machetes for the police — Police find machetes in a man's car; he says he juggles them in the circus, so they make him prove…
- Jumper leads on the prison road at dawn — Driving the monastery road between the prison and the dam at dawn, the monks find an elderly…
- Junior-monk suffering, senior-monk suffering — As a skinny young monk Ajahn Brahm resents the senior monks: they get the cushions while he sits…
- Just add water — baby powder — Before the Berlin Wall fell, a man from communist Eastern Europe walks into his first Western…
K
- Keep the cage door open — Analogy: lock a bird and when the door finally opens it never returns; leave the door open and…
- Keep your hands off — I'm on workers' compensation — An Englishman, a Singaporean and an Australian buy Jesus beers in a pub. Jesus heals the…