Stories about mistakes
31 Buddhist wisdom stories about mistakes from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- “But I'm alive — it was my husband who died!”Joke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a funeral Ajahn Brahm eulogises the wrong parent; the very-much-alive mother stands up at the back to correct him.
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I was telling the funeral director about one of the funerals I did once for a couple who comes here. One of their parents died. I'm doing the funeral service and saying, "Oh, it's such a shame that your mother passed away, she was such a good Buddhist, and she'd done so much." Then this old lady stood up at the back and said, "It's not me, it's my husband. I'm alive! It's he who's dead."
- Can I have a pineapple, please?Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At poor Wat Pah Pong, requisites were kept in a big water jar and you asked Ajahn Chah for what you needed. Needing soap, the new monk asks in his halting Thai — but mixes up the…
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And of course, you know, the first time I learnt the Thai language, many of the Thai people know this story. That very early days in Thailand, all the monasteries were very poor. Wat Pah Pong where Ajahn Chah lived when I first went was really poor. So whenever you got anything, they had a big water jar. And you just put those things in the water jar, maybe toothpaste or toothbrushes, or anything you needed, like a towel. And so if you needed something, you just go and ask Ajahn Chah and say, "I need some toothpaste" and he just look inside there and said, "There is some. " and just give it to you. So this time I needed some soap, obviously you know to wash. But you had to ask in Thai so you know my Thai was not that good. So, the word for "soap" is S̄bū̀, not "S̄ạbpard". It's hardly any differences there, "S̄ạbpard" ,"S̄bū̀" but apparently "S̄ạbpard" means pineapple. So, I asked my great master, "Can I have a pineapple, please?" [laughter] And he said to me, he's very kind, he said, "What do you want the pineapple for?" I said, "To wash!" He never let me forget that. He said, "Oh, you know people in England, you know, they don't use soap like us. They are far more advanced, they use pineapples. [laughter] This Western culture is way ahead of ours."
- Christopher Nightingale and the tin-can bombStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At age ten, Ajahn Brahm and his chemistry-wizard friend Christopher Nightingale make a bomb in a tin can and set it off in the local park. The park keeper catches them. He…
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I know one of the most stupid things I did as a kid, only 10 years of age, and one of my best friends, I still remember his name, Christopher Nightingale. He was a wizard chemistry and together we made a bomb. We made a bomb in a tin can. And my goodness, it worked. We let it off in the local park. It went bang. And we thought we were so good and so wonderful. I was so proud of just how loud that went. Until the park keeper caught the both of us. We were in big trouble after that. But you know, those were the days when it's just kids being kids. You know, if I made a bomb these days, kids made a bomb these days, they get sent to Guantanamo Bay as terrorists. Those innocent days of my youth. But it was dangerous. I could have killed myself or blown off a hand or something.
- Engine running in NorthbridgeStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: On a day out on business, a driver takes Ajahn Brahm to a Northbridge shop for 'the best pies in Perth' (just okay, he says — the only pies he doesn't like are magpies).…
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he decided to take me into this little shop in Northbridge, in Newcastle Street, which sold, he said, the best pies in Perth. So he took me in there, and just after it was it was okay pie, not that great, but you know, it was good enough. I'm very easy to please. The only pies I don't like are magpies. Don't [laughter] eat them. No, they're okay, little magpies. But anyway, that was a joke, by the way. Pies, okay. So anyway, the There I was uh uh After we After we finished the meal, then the driver, he couldn't find the keys to the car. He said, "Where are they?" And so we I really can't find them. So we decided now to retrace our steps, go to the car to see if he dropped them somewhere. You know what had happened? When I got to the car first, the car doors were open. The engine was running cuz the keys were still in the ignition. This was in Northbridge. [laughter] And I don't know what it is. Sometimes if a thief had gone past, he thought, "This can't be happening. This can't be real. No one This must be a trick. This must be a trap." Because who would leave the car doors open for about half an hour, probably a bit longer, half an hour with the keys in ignition and the engine running? [laughter] In Northbridge.
- Fifty strokes of the catStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A new postulant confesses to secretly making an afternoon sandwich and, refusing Ajahn Brahm's gentle advice, insists on a penance or he'll do it again. Fresh from reading 'The…
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is a story many years ago of one of the anagarikas one of the people in white who's trained to be a monk at Bodhinyana Monastery in Serpentine. When you become a monk you have to train for a minimum of two years beforehand, one year wearing white keeping eight precepts, the next year in brown keeping ten precepts, and afterwards after two years maybe you can ordained as a full monk. There was one young man, an Australian man who was starting his training as an anagarika, eight precepts. One of those precepts is you're not allowed to eat any solid food from noon until the dawn the following day, you can't eat in the afternoon or night time. So I was the abbot, one afternoon this new anagarika, a young man, came up to me and said, "I have something to confess, I've done a terrible crime. I know you're gonna probably throw me out of the monastery and not let me be a monk, because one afternoon I was hungry, I went into the kitchen with no one seeing me and made myself a sandwich." [laughter] And to him it was like some capital offense. And so what did I do? I told him, I said, "It doesn't matter, thank you for letting me know, now maybe eat some more food at lunchtime, you know before lunch when we have our meal, eat some more so you won't be hungry in the afternoon. If you are hungry you can have some cup of tea with some sugar, some fruit juice or some chocolate, so you don't have to eat in the afternoon. So it was a mistake, you admit it, have some strategies in place so it doesn't happen again. Okay, you can go now." This young man looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, that's not good enough." [laughter] He said, "If you don't punish me I will do it again." [laughter] "I need a penance." Because he knew himself, he spent all his life only being trained by punishment. He said, "If you let me go like that I'm sure one day I will do it again." So I had to think very quickly of a solution to that problem. As it was, I'd been reading a book, a very well-known Australian book called "Fatal Shore" by Robert Hughes, which was telling the early history of Australia. I got to that point about the convicts who were here in Australia, and the harsh punishments meted out to them. So I looked at that young man in white clothes with a bald head and I said, "If you want a punishment I will give you a traditional Australian penance... "50 strokes of the cat." This young man, his face went whiter than the clothes he was wearing. 'Cause he didn't know too much about Buddhism and he thought, "Oh, my god, Ajahn Brahm is gonna whip me, he's gonna lash me." [laughs] But then I told him what "50 strokes of the cat" means in a Buddhist monastery. We have three cats in our monastery, choose whichever one you want and stroke it 50 times, "there cat, there pussy ... three, four." Learn some compassion and kindness 'cause that's the only thing which will overcome your need for punishment and pain. It's because you don't know kindness and compassion that you think that fear is the only way to train you. I said, "We don't do fear, we do compassion and kindness."
- Funeral chants at a weddingStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Too tired, Ajahn Brahm starts the chanting for funerals instead of a wedding blessing — and once you start you can't stop. He never tells them; they're still happily married. The…
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I was doing marriage chants for somebody and I got it wrong because I was too tired. I gave the chanting for funerals instead of marriage. True. And once you start you can't stop. So I gave the chant. And I never told them I they're still happily married.
- “He's not my husband, he's my dad”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a Malaysian retreat a young woman does all the talking in an interview while the quiet man beside her listens. Ajahn Brahm asks if that's her husband; both burst out laughing…
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this was last december when i was giving a retreat over in malaysia because i'm just giving her a treat now it's already almost nine months so you should have forgotten it by now 10 months ago and these couple came in boy and girl came in for the interviews and the girl she did all the talking she did most of the speaking and i thought that's a sure sign because the guy was really quiet sure sign they're married i jumped i'm in trouble again stereotyping but that's what i thought rightly or wrongly so she did all the talking but every now and again when she said something she looked at the guy sitting next to her and at the end at the end of the interview i just happened to say oh is that your husband it's very quiet at which point both of them burst out laughing almost hysterical so what's so funny and the girl said he's not my husband he's my dad and she actually looked in her early 20s but she was actually only 16. and he looked about 30 even though he's over 40. and when i explained why i thought you were well you look you know in your 20s you look 30 and then they weren't upset at me because you tell a teenager 16 year old she looks about 21 22. she really loves that that's flattery and i always say flattery gets you everywhere and him imagine him you know in his 40s thinking he was he was young enough to look like a 30 year old oh he thought that was brilliant they really love this western monk so instead of criticizing me and telling me off they went outside and they came back in five minutes with a hundred australian dollar donation that is how to pay the bills for the buddhist society but there was a note on the donation saying please use some of this for ajahn brown to go to the optometrist and check his prescription on his glasses
- Penance: a carrot for the rabbitStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A postulant who broke a minor precept is very upset with himself and asks for a penance. Ajahn Brahm tells him to take a carrot from the kitchen to the hungry wild rabbit…
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a beautiful little wild rabbit at our Jhana Grove retreat centre turned up a few days ago. And one of the Anagarika's broken a little precept. And he's really upset about himself. And so I said, I'll give you a penance. So what's the penance? What do I have to do? There's a, there's a hungry rabbit over in Jhana Grove, go and take a carrot from the kitchen and go and give it to the rabbit. It's a wonderful little thing, a little wild rabbit is just hiding there. Because it's really hot in the forest. Next to the wall by the Japanese garden, those of you who know Jhana Grove, he's just been hanging out there to get away from the heat of the forest. And so just go out to him and just give him a carrot. And it's just so cute. And you know, even if you're a multiple murderer, it will soften you just seeing a little rabbit, just twitching its little face, and smelling the rabbit and then really getting into it. And apparently, he eats it really fast. It's a very guzzly rabbit.
- Seven out of tenAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: As a maths teacher he set exams aiming for an average of seven out of ten: scores of three or four discourage children, and nines and tens hide the weaknesses he needs to address…
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It was a simile.. when I had to set my first exam paper as a teacher I was a school teacher for one year. I often say that anyone who teaches at a high school after one year, any one would think about being a monk or a nun (laughter) I actually did it. Teenagers are really hard ... But any way... So I was teaching and I had to set the first examination It is not easy to set an examination What are you supposed to do? So I went to one of the senior teachers and he said look try and set the level of difficulty so the average score becomes 70 percent He said if everybody gets top marks so we get 100 percent or 95 or 90 percent it's waste of time, it is not a real test it is too easy. If everybody gets 30, 40, 50 percent that means they get discouraged, they lose motivation and they give up They think 'I can't do that subject' so he told me "please set the level to be about 70 percent" Because that would encourage people. If they get about 70 percent right that's the average, they'll be encouraged yes they can do that subject. And the 30 percent where they make mistakes He said, that's where you, their teacher can see their weak points. So in the next lessons you can address those areas where they haven't understood what you have been teaching. The mistakes.. And I took that to be a wonderful metaphor for life. If any of you get 100 percent in life you are learning nothing. It's not a test, you don't grow. If you get 40, 50 percent in life or less that's where you get depressed and view yourself hopeless and lose all your self-esteem. If you get about 70 percent in life that is the best. You are encouraged. Yes you are having happiness, you are having some success, you feel good about yourself you can do some things. but you are making 30 percent mistakes. Brilliant! Because that's where you learn. So if you got a partner, they're 100 percent they are a waste of time, dump them. (laughter) If they're 50 percent, Oh that's hopeless that's too difficult if you've got a partner that's 70 percent nice and loving and 30 percent they nag you and criticize you That is the very very best! That is the right level. Because that's where you can learn to grow together
- The baby washed in wall acidStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Building Bodhinyana's kitchen, Ajahn Brahm spends a morning acid-washing the brickwork. At lunch Ben Anson and his wife Hupa bring food with their newborn; the baby soils her…
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when we built our kitchen after you know I did a lot of the work on that building the dining room kitchen the lower building there and when you do brickwork you have to sort of acid the walls to clean up the marks of the uh of the cement so I was working all morning just brushing all the walls with acid to actually to clean them to make them look good it was time for lunch so we went out for lunch and we had the lunch was given by uh I don't mind saying the name some of you know that Ben Anson and his wife Hupa bought the lunch and with their two daughters oh they only had one daughter just a newborn baby and after giving us the lunch the baby sort of pooped in the uh in their their diapers so she had to take it off was looking for some water to wash her bottom the acid this poor little girl started screaming it didn't really hurt her because it was all watered down it wasn't like concentrated but she certainly went red but it did the job it really cleaned her backside
- The BBC cricket commentary blooperStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Brahm recalls the famous BBC Test Match Special blooper when, introducing an over with a bowler named Holding and a batsman named Willey, the commentator said the names in…
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And there was this famous BBC commentator called Johnson. Anyway, he was just the one who was considered to be the best BBC commentator. And it did happen that England were playing the West Indies. And as he was commentating and actually got through the BBC sensors before they realized it had gone to where. Because the Englishman who was actually bowling was I think something, was it Jack Willie? I think his name was. And anyway, the West Indian batsman was William Holding, a very very famous batsman for the West Indies. And so he introduced the start of the over “the batsman's holding the the bowlers willie.” and it went on BBC!
- The chanting worked too wellStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Invited to chant for a dying Chinese man in Royal Perth Hospital's ICU, Ajahn Brahm chants his strongest — and the man goes into remission. The family scold him: the funeral was…
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But this was the story of when I got called to go to Royal Perth Hospital, by a family of this Chinese fellow who was passing away. They said ‘you've got to come quick, he's really really sick, he's in the ICU, maybe only an hour or two to go’. So I rushed into the hospital, got up to the ICU, saw the family, just said ‘hello, I’ve arrived, I’ll see what I can do’. Went into the ICU, stood by the bed of this guy who was totally unconscious, obviously close to death. And I really gave full power chanting. Now this doesn't always work, but that day I was really on song. You know, that’s just like people playing football or tennis, sometimes you just ‘crack!’ - the ball always goes in. And this was one of those days I was just really on my game. And I chanted and chanted and chanted… He came out of coma. It was like a miracle. And it doesn't always happen, very rarely actually, but this time it actually did. He came out of comma, the daughters were amazed, he was gonna survive now. So when I went out, feeling all good about myself, and then went out to see the family, and said ‘oh well, I really did it, he came out of the coma, he's probably gonna live now'. And that's when the S.H.I.T hit the fan. Because these were the family who'd come from Taiwan, Hong Kong, mainland China. They stopped all their work, they got these expensive flights, a moment's notice; they came over to be with their patriarch for the last few hours of his life, they had already arranged the funeral service. [Laughter] Now they're gonna have to stop it and cancel it and they say ‘you have cost us a lot of money, Ajahn Brahm’. He's gonna die again, maybe in another six months, he comes back again and dies properly, but this time - no. [laughter] So they were not happy with me at all. All that way - stopping.. [laughter] I got no donations for the monastery, not even for the cost of the petrol in the car [laughter]. I never heard from them again. [laughter] So that was my mistake. What would you do, when you make mistakes like that, you learn. So now, when I go to the hospital, [laughter] I ask first of all, ‘what type of chanting do you want?' “Get-better” chant, or “die-peacefully
- The coffin stuck halfway downStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a Chinese disciple's burial the ornate knobs on the coffin catch on the way down the grave; it sticks halfway. Ajahn Brahm has to chant about five times while they struggle to…
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don't put so much knobs on the outside of the casket because they had this this um burial and they had so many ornaments on the outside of the coffin which they stuck on there. It looked really just very very like a little palace this fellow was being committed to. But when they lowered it into the hole, had so many knobs on the outside it got stuck halfway down. And there was your coffin. It hadn't got to the bottom. It wasn't to the top. They tried to move it and it was stuck stuck fast. And I, you know, do some chanting as it was being lowered down. And it hadn't been finished lowering down. So I did the chanting again another time. About five times I had to chant while they were trying to dispose this coffee which had got stuck halfway down
- The corpse in the elevatorStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Funeral directors collecting a body from a top-floor old apartment find the gurney will not fit the stairs or elevator, so they hold the corpse upright between them. Murphy's…
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there's no way you can get sort of like the the little it was not coffin yet a little um trolley they put the dead person on so strap him in there and just you know to try and take him take him down the stairs but even in the elevator the elevator was too small and he was on the top story so what to do that is it'd be it'd be like some comedy show but this was real life you know real life is much more funny than anything they can invent on the TV so what they did you know they decided well the only thing to do is actually just carry him down ourselves so that they forgot about the trolley that just his two Funeral Directors you know in Black they look pretty sort of weird already and with the dead person in between just holding on to him standing and of course it's one of these though one of these old apartment blocks where everybody knew one another so they knew this guy has died so top story about six stories or something down to the ground floor where the horse was waiting they were praying please nobody pressed the button halfway down but of course there is some law which is even the most powerful law in the whole universe which you can rely upon it's called Murphy's Law it's something can go wrong it does go wrong so the elevator stopped on the third floor halfway down they couldn't do anything about it and when it does open there's this little old lady who'd also lived in the apartment block for a long time and you can imagine what she saw this guy who she knew was dead standing between these two guys in Black and my friend the funeral director he said we don't know how this happened but we lost control of him and he started Falling Towards the old woman she just dropped out what should we do next so they thought they had to say we can do they they grabbed on the guy again and pressed the button and they just hope they didn't have another customer they ran up the stairs afterwards and she was okay she was a bit shocked but you know when it can happen it does happen
- The deliberate mistake on the blackboardStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: School maths teacher, caught in an error on the blackboard, claims he put it there on purpose to check the class was paying attention — 'well done' — modelling how hard it is to…
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Blackboard and we pointed out that's wrong you know he made a mistake they said exactly I put that on there on purpose to make sure you were all paying attention you know that the deliberate mistake to keep you all awake
- The glasses on top of his noseStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Halfway down Kingsbury Drive on the way to a Friday talk, Ajahn Brahm tells his driver to turn back for the glasses he needs for committee papers; after searching his bag and the…
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this was some years ago, you know when I started wearing glasses. Amandus wrote this in I think my biography book. I was leaving Bodhinyana monastery to come here on a Friday night. And it was halfway down Kingsbury drive and I said Amandus was my driver. I said you gotta turn around. I looked in my bag I left my glasses in the monastery. You've got to turn around. I need that you know read all the documents for the committee. And he turned to me and said “Ajahn Brahm, have you checked on top of your nose?” I looked in my bag, I looked in the glove box, I looked everywhere. Except where my glasses actually were: on the top of my nose.
- The honey and the milkStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In parallel supermarket checkout aisles, at almost the same moment, one child drops a jar of honey and another drops a carton of milk — two big messes. One mother says, “You…
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And this was an example of the two children at the supermarket checkout, they were in parallel lanes. And almost exactly the same time, one child took out a carton of milk from the trolley, and he dropped it on the ground, and it went "splat" all over the floor, making a whole mess. And his mum said, "you stupid child". Almost exactly the same time in the parallel aisle, another child, they picked up the jar of honey. And it was slippy they dropped it. And they went "smash" all over the floor. But that mother, because she must have come to the Buddhist Society in Nollamara. That mother, she didn't say, "you stupid child". She said, "that was a stupid thing you did." And we emphasise the huge difference between those two responses. Now, if you examine it, you call, that's your "stupid child", it's as if they are totally stupid. They're, like, totally sort of corrupt, that when they were made, there must be some genetic malfunction that they are actually stupid. They're permanently stained with stupidity. And that's that first child. And many of you can recognise, such reactions when you make a mistake, and someone calls you stupid, someone calls you dumb. Someone calls you all these things. And what they're saying is, you're fatally flawed. There's nothing worth redeeming in you. And you know what it's like when that happens to you. You feel totally diminished, totally hopeless. You lose all your self esteem and that's no way to bring up a child. The other child received "that was a stupid thing you did". You're not a stupid kid. But, you had a moment of stupidity. And what that means is that you're recognising the truth, that was the sort of a silly thing to do to pick up that jar of honey making it all slippy. But, you're not a stupid person. There's more to you than that.
- The jarrah boat coffin that stuck halfwayStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A white-water rafter's family make his coffin as a boat with paddles — out of jarrah, so heavy ten people lift it. At the committal the conveyor belt stalls and the glass…
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Because there was an open funeral at Fremantle cemetery, you know. Not one of the chapels you've got like… you do the ceremony here and you take the box over to Fremantle. They're just outside. They've got a little conveyor belt. You put it on there, do your stuff and it just goes inside and gets cremated. But at the time it's actually my fault. Because I found out legally you don't have to buy a coffin. You can make your own. But it has to be a certain size. And because this fellow was into white water rafting he made it in the shape of a boat with little paddles on the top. It was him. It was who he was. The trouble was they made it out of jarrah which is incredibly heavy wood. So just getting it out of the the hearse and onto the it took about 10 people to actually lift it up and put it on there. That was okay. But after the saving when you do the commitment of the coffin you press the little button and the conveyor belt sort of goes and the little glass partition moves back, all synchronized, it goes through and the glass partition closes. What happened, it was so heavy that poor motor was struggling to move the conveyor belt. So it only got halfway through when the glass door closed and jammed against it. Halfway in, halfway out. You know what the wife did? The wife grieving for a lovely husband, she jumped on the conveyor belt and started to push. And everyone said “are you trying to get rid of him that much?” And it was a big mistake. But instead of getting embarrassed everybody started laughing. One of his friends reminded everybody that, you know, he knew him before he got married, you know, when he first got his first car he crashed his first car on his first day driving it. Just like the first day and his coffin is crashed out too. Typical of Steve. That was such a memorable funeral.
- The miner who thanked the man who cost him his legsStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In early WA mining, a worker about to set explosives has nowhere to hide when a brakeless iron trolley rolls at him. It severs both legs; hours later he is found alive. He later…
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There was one guy working in the mines a long time ago and his job was to be the explosive guy. So in those days it was dangerous. So dangerous that he'd just work at nights when everyone else stopped working in this mine. I forget where they were mining. He would go there to the end of the shaft, you know, drill the holes, blur the explosives and detonate them when no one else was there for maximum safety. So he was so good at his job, he didn't mind doing that. It's just by himself, nice and quiet, take his time, do it well. And then that would fracture the rock and in the morning they'd come and sort of dig out the rock for the next day. That was his job. And so he's very very good at his job. But this one day he got a premonition that something was going wrong. And actually what actually happened was you know he checked everything that you know everything was fine. Nothing wrong with the explosives. He made these holes in the the rock and was about to put the explosives in when he heard something rumbling towards him. Someone on the previous shift had forgot to put the brakes on these big iron trolleys on the rails. And one trolley, you know, solid iron, really big and heavy, was rolling towards him to the end of the shaft. And as it was rolling towards him, he'd done such a good job with these explosives. There was no place to hide, no place to get out. He knew he's going to be crushed by this trolley. And he said what he did was just jump. So the trolley hit him at the legs and when he you know came to both legs were cut off and you know because someone had made a stupid mistake and he was there for quite a few hours before the next shift came. He actually survived and he said it was an amazing experience. He said he can't explain this but laying there with legs severed blood pouring out of he survived somehow I don't know how he had this wonderful spiritual experience you know come into peace with himself and the whole life so much so that he's when this guy who was responsible came to see him and say sorry he said no need to say sorry thank you so much you know what you've given me was birth, losing those legs, finding peace inside my own heart. Thank you so much
- The runaway car at ByfordStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Years ago, while Ajahn Brahm and a driver queue in the Byford post office, someone asks whose car is rolling down the South Western Highway. The driver forgot the handbrake on a…
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that some years ago just uh the local post office was over in Byford. And you know, it wasn't so busy in those days, that road, the Southwest Highway. So, I remember we had to go to the post office. And so I went in there with the driver, different driver, but just the same same stupidity. I don't know why I was picked. Oh, the driver took me this morning is sitting over there, so I better not say this. But we went into the post office, and then trying to get in the queue, waiting for to do the um the business. And then they somebody came and said, "Oh, who's that Who's the owner of that car outside which is rolling down the Southwest Highway?" The driver forgot to put the brake on. And you wouldn't believe there was a gradient there. I know today it is a totally You know, you wouldn't believe it was going down a hill, but it certainly was because the car was going down the hill. And so in those days I was much fitter than these days. I was running after it. The Venerable Garrick, he was just way behind me. I had to run behind it and jump in and put the brake on. It was halfway down, and maybe went a hundred to two two hundred meters. And I wasn't the abbot then. In those days I was Ajahn Jagaro was the boss. So we never told him about that.
- The Thai dancers and the sprinklersStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a big Jhana Grove ceremony, Thai dancers in full costume were performing on the grass when the reticulation came on and soaked them. Ajahn Brahm knew where the switch was and…
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people were dancing on the grass and then the the the um reticulation system came on and they all got terribly wet. That's one of the funniest experiences cuz all these people there tie dancers all dressed up you know in their tie dancing garb and they were dancing. Well, I can't do tight touching, you know, just this and that. And then and then they were just really getting into it and as all the water started coming up. I think that was one of the greatest um exhibitions of tie gun tie tie dancing gone wrong I've ever seen. It was so funny. Not for them, of course. But anyway, I knew where the switch was and I should have turned it off much quicker, but I must admit I indulged in that. I apologize
- The toilet frame with no holeStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: For Western visitors, the monastery made a sitting frame to place over squat toilets. An 18-year-old English visitor sits on a frame standing to the side — with no toilet under…
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I remember there was this one girl, this one girl came from England. She was like 18 or 19 years of age, came to visit our monastery. And you know the squat toilets we have in Asia where you squat down on them? So some people have a hard time squatting down on the toilets. You know, they fall over and that's not such a good thing when you want to go. So instead of actually down, we built, especially, out of compassion for all these visitors from places like England and Australia, we built like a frame so you can put it over the squat toilet and actually sit on it. You know, because most people use the squat toilet, so we just put this frame just to the side. And that's the toilet which this girl used. It just had no hole in the bottom. No water. It was only a frame. But she sat on it and did her business and it went all on the floor. [laughter]. Exactly! That's what you did. That's what Ajahn Chah did. That's what I did. I thought it was terribly funny. "Oh thank you for doing that. You gave me another story!
- The wedding without ringsStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a Yanchep wedding, celebrant Dennis is about to pronounce the couple husband and wife when Ajahn Brahm hisses “Dennis, Dennis!” — he has forgotten the ring ceremony.
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We did one up at Yanchep once and oh he's just… he was just to announce “I now pronounce your husband and wife.” and I: “Dennis, Dennis!” He said “what? What? What?” You forgot the rings. He hadn't done the ring ceremony, put actually the rings on people. Yeah Dennis knows, he doesn't worry about me telling that because I tell that to so many people. Big mistake, getting married without any rings.
- They lost the plot (Guildford Cemetery)Joke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After the joke about funeral directors who 'lost the plot', Ajahn Brahm recalls it really happening at Guildford Cemetery: walking ahead of the hearse, the funeral director…
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I know you don't heard the joke about you know the funeral Directors, you know who couldn't find the gravesite They lost the plot For that actually happened to me once I think in Guildford Cemetery and As we're doing the procession from the gates and when they were going and just now we're going in the front end and the hearse was following myself and the funeral director and the northern mourners behind and they Were going and I said, no. This is a long way. He said you know. I don't know where it is And we looked over there maybe about 300 meters away and that people were waving at us there's over here
- “This must be your dad”Joke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a wedding blessing Ajahn Brahm assumes the older man beside the young man is his father — and is corrected, to the older man's displeasure.
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Last Sunday I was doing a marriage service for one of the people who comes here regularly, and she's married to a nice young boy. You always have to get married to a boy, I suppose, if you're a girl. [laughter] Ajahn: I don't know why I said that, but anyway she was getting married... [laughter] Ajahn: ...and after the service, doing the blessing service, and I said to him... That's right, this elderly man came to stand next to him, and I said, "Oh, is that your father?" And the old man said, "No, I'm the best man." [laughter] Ajahn: He was not very happy at me.
- Two bad bricks in the wallStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Building the broke new monastery at Serpentine, the ex-physicist monk lays his first brick wall with painstaking perfectionism — then sees two crooked bricks. He wants to…
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The story of the two bad bricks in the wall, twenty six years ago, twenty seven years ago when we moved to Serpentine to build that monastery down there we had no money, we were broke, and because... we owed money for the land, there were no buildings on that property. So I had to learn how to build. And I was theoretical physicist before, ok, in my head doing sums all day. Now I had to get out there and get my hands dirty and mix concrete and lay bricks and put on a roof and do plumbing. Everything we did. And even to this day, if any of you going into that main hall in our monastery, I am the builder. My name is on the building license for that. And it's still standing so that's pretty good. [LAUGHTER] So in particular, this story I had to learn how to lay bricks. Laying bricks was not a simple thing to do, it may look easy but it's so hard to get everything level. But, as most people would be I was a perfectionist. I had to make sure that brick was perfectly level before I went onto the next one. Sometimes one corner was high, you'd knock it down and another corner would go up. You knock that corner down then it would go out of line. You knock it back into line thinking it was finished, you notice one of the corners was high again. It was just one of those jobs which, where you couldn't get everything in the right place but you kept on trying until you got it. It took a long time but it didn't matter cause I wasn't being paid. So I could take however long I wanted. And when I finished that wall, that first brick wall, like anybody else you were proud, finished, you stood back to look at it and admire it, and it was only then when it was finished I noticed that two bricks were crooked. All the other bricks were straight, two bricks were crooked. So what would you do? What I did was try and scrape the mortar out so I could reset the bricks so they could be perfect. But the mortar was hard, you couldn't scrape it out. And the other monk who was with me at the time, Ajahn Jagaro, I asked him look can we afford, can we please afford some dynamite so I blow it up and start again? Bulldozer would do, push it over. Because...that spoiled the whole wall. Those two bad bricks, they ruined the whole thing. But we couldn't, I was stuck with it, we were too poor to do anything with it. So for three months, every time I went passed that wall I saw my mistakes and I felt so sad. I'd stuffed up. And the worst thing about stuffing up when you're building everybody could see it, you can't hide it. It's a big wall, out there in the open. So, every time there was a visitor, I would actually volunteer to take them around so I could, you know, take them somewhere else so they wouldn't see my mistakes. At night time I'd have nightmares about that wall. I would, I'd dream of it, because I'd really made a big mistake and everybody could see it. And it was three months, roughly, I'm not quite sure it's a long time ago now, about three months somebody else was with me and they saw that wall and they said that's a beautiful wall. And I just couldn't believe what I'd heard because for three months I'd been suffering so much with that wall and they said it's a beautiful wall. My first reaction was to ask them are you visually impaired, are you blind, did you leave your glasses in the car? Can't you see those two bad bricks, the crooked ones. And what they said next just changed much of the way I look at life and stopped a lot of inherent depression in myself. What they said was yes I can see the two bad bricks, but I can also see the nine hundred and ninety eight good bricks as well. And that really hit me, because I realised for three months I was blind. All I ever saw was my two mistakes and I just could not see all the beautiful perfect bricks which I had laid. And when that guy told me what about the nine hundred and ninety eight good bricks that was the first time in three months that I could actually see the bricks above, below, to the left and the right of my two mistakes. And I had to agree with the fellow, it was a beautiful wall, once I could see the whole picture.
- “We've never heard a talk in Sanskrit before”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A group visiting from Thailand asks for a talk in Thai, so Ajahn Brahm, fluent after years there, gives one. Afterwards they're very impressed: “We've never heard a talk in…
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I remember once giving a talk to a group of Thai people. And they travelled all the way from Thailand to visit this place and to give some donations and they wanted a talk in Thai - so I gave them a talk in Thai. And after the talk in Thai, because I was in Thailand for many years, I was fluent when I lived there. They all said, wow, that was so impressive, we've never heard a talk in Sanskrit before [laughter]. And I said, actually that was in Thai.. "Oh!" said the Thai people, we didn't know
- “What type of chairman are you?”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a Buddhist Society committee meeting an old chair collapses under a committee member; Ajahn Brahm quips, “What type of chairman are you? He broke the chair instead of taking…
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because we were having a committee meeting a couple of years ago and he was sitting on one of these old chairs of the Buddhist society. I shouldn't really say this because occupational health and safety will probably fine us. He was sitting on one of the chairs and it collapsed. I said “what type of chair man are you?” He broke the chair instead of taking the chair.
- Who left the hammer out?Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Newly abbot and very strict, Ajahn Brahm finds a donated hammer rusting in the grass at Bodhinyana. He gathers the monks and scolds them fiercely about wasting donors' gifts,…
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One of my famous mistakes was, oh this is so embarrassing, but there was this one case many years ago in our monastery down at Serpentine. I was the abbot, I'd only just taken over from the previous monk Ajahn Jagaro, so and I was trying to do the best thing, and try to make sure our monks were really trained. And for those of you who don't know the way that the monastery is supported. You know, we don't have any cash as monks but people offer the things which we need, whether it's robes, whether it's glass of water, or glasses for my eyes, or whether it's the tools to build the monastery, whether it's the bricks to build that monastery, whatever. And because everything which we have as a monk is donated, even this robe I wear, was donated, don’t buy it yourself. I was taught to really respect everything which you are given. Even my robe, you know, I tore it on the aircraft a couple of weeks ago, so you don't just throw it away, just put a patch on it. Even my bag has got heaps of patches on it. Even though you get a new one, no no, patch it, because this comes from the generosity of all our supporters. We really want to make these things last as long as possible out of respect. So you can imagine what I felt when I was walking through Serpentine monastery and I saw a hammer lying in the grass, which was going rusty. Now obviously someone had left that hammer out there for quite a while, because you know, it had the orange rust on it. And I thought that's not acceptable, because someone, someone had saved some money up and brought a hammer to give it to the monks, to help build our monastery so you can come there and we can live there. So I was going to give a talk that evening and so I got all the monks together and instead of giving a talk on the subject I thought I was talk on, I talked on “looking after these things”. Now, all of the stuff which you are given monks comes from hard-working laypeople, and not everyone is rich, these ordinary people, some people are actually just on pensions and they still come and help and you must respect those people and their generosity. And you've not allowed to leave thing out in the garden to get rusty as if they're worth nothing. Yeah you never bought it but you got to respect these things. I was really tough on the monks, you know, not like I am now really laid it in. Actually the monks were all sitting dead straight. You know what it's like when you tell somebody off. Sitting dead straight and the colour was drained from their faces because I really hammering it with the hammer. And I didn't mean to say that, sorry, and when I finished the talk, you know, okay I gave them a hard time, but it wasn't that hard and I really thought that one of the monks, you know, the monk responsible put their hand up and say it was them. And no one would admit it, and that was the most disappointing thing of all. Okay leaving the hammer, that was a bad thing but not actually confessing and acknowledging and owning up, now that actually really hurt me. And actually I left that hall feeling very miserable and I thought that what type of monks am i living with? or maybe did I sort of shout at them too much that they wouldn't admit it? it was, actually only when I got out the hall, I actually understood why no monk admitted that they left the hammer there because I suddenly remembered who had actually left the hammer out there. It was me. I'd left it out there a few days ago. I meant it to come and collect it and put it away but I've totally forgot about it. Now fortunately, it was only when I scolded everybody else that I remembered who it was. And I had to go back in the hall, I said sit down again I've got something to say. It was me who left the hammer there. It’s very embarrassing but very good fun because it showed that even the monk said I make mistakes as well, I do stupid things. Now did I feel embarrassed? Really embarrassed about that? No, I thought wow this is another story I could use on a Friday night.
- Wrong cemetery, and a hearse with three heavy passengersStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A former Sydney funeral director tells how hearses sometimes go to the wrong cemetery, and how on one body-collection run with three very heavy people in the back, the rear…
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one of the friends over in Sydney He was a funeral director before and he said sometimes sometimes. They actually do Go to the wrong cemetery So you know they've got no two funerals one is they a Fremantle one is up in a row when they arrive there They should be a few at Fremantle. Yeah, you should be up in away Well that's when they had to collect the bodies You know it's it, and so just to be able to to get enough. You know to make it worthwhile They had had to be three three bodies in the back of the hearse one So just taking it to the funeral parlor not there to the funeral well They took it there know some of the people you know a bit sort of you know just overweight and had three really heavy people and so the poor hearse It was actually so heavy in the back the metal of the front back bumper was actually scraping on the bitumen And you can't actually stop and unload somebody and pick him up later, so they're in big trouble there
- “You must be the father-in-law!”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a wedding of a young Thai bride and an Australian man, Ajahn Brahm greets the elderly Australian as the father-in-law — he is the groom.
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An important occasion like that marriage I did once. It was a Thai girl. She was very, very sweet and very young, maybe 19 or 20. And I had heard she was marrying an Australian guy. So when they came in here for their wedding, I saw this young Thai girl coming in with this elderly Australian man. And I said to this Australian man, "Oh, you must be the father-in-law!" "No, I'm the groom!", he said. That wedding didn't go down very well.