Being Mindful Stories

Joke · Ajahn Brahm

Calendar method — odd days she is right

As told by Ajahn Brahm in Menangani Kelelahan | Ajahn Brahm

1 min read

The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I always tell this story when I do weddings, another wedding tomorrow afternoon. There's no way you can convince someone they're wrong, so how can you actually make a decision and actually get on in life but not always having to submit. That really sucks doesn't it? He's always right, why do I always have to agree with him? Why does she always have to be right? So the calendar method, the solution, which allows people to live harmoniously with their partners, the calendar method is that when you have an argument, don't argue who's right and wrong! Let the calendar decide! On the odd days of the month she is right. [laughter] The girl is always right on the odd days of the month. On the even days he is right. So that's fair. Today is the 19th, so today all the girls are right! Yay! Be careful, tomorrow he is right. [laughter] That way you don't have to argue anymore. The calendar decides who's right without any arguments and you can make a decision. It's never that bad if the other person makes a decision, not you, at least it's fair. And people have already figured out, you girls have already figured out, you get more days right a year than he does. Only about four or five, but guys, give it to them, it's worth it. The trouble is, people say, what happens if you're in a gay relationship? [laughter] Then you've got me stumped, it doesn't work. Both of you are right on one day, the next day both of you are wrong

▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 52:06 (to 54:06)

A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Ajahn Brahm's recipe for marital harmony: on odd days of the month the wife is right, on even days the husband. No need to argue; check the calendar. She gets a few more days a year, so give them to her. When someone insists you're wrong, you don't have to fight it. Let them say it, and let it go.

In brief (our summary)

Marriage-harmony joke: on odd days of the month the wife is always right; on even days the husband is. No need to argue — check the calendar. Fair, fair, as they say in Indonesia.

Teaching point

Sometimes the fight ends when you stop needing to win every day.

When this story may help

Themes

Source & credit

Told by Ajahn Brahm in Menangani Kelelahan | Ajahn Brahm · 2019-08-13 · ▶ watch from 52:06 to 54:06 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia

2 other tellings of this story

Caption notes: Manual (volunteer) captions; occasional misspellings kept as is.

The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version

  • Something with diamonds in it

    In brief: Asked what she wants for Valentine's Day, a wife says, “I need nothing, I've got you.” “Yes, but what do you want?” “Something, anything…

    Read full story

    Like that one of my favorite jokes like the person who asked his his wife, he said, "Valentine's Day tomorrow, darling, what do you want?" And she said, "I need nothing. I've got you." He said, "Yes, but what do you want?" He'd been married long enough to know women. And so she looked at him and said, "Something, anything with diamonds in." So when she opened her present the following day, she found a pack of playing cards. It has 13 diamonds in it.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • 'Become a monk and I'll cook for you'

    In brief: In the early years in Perth, before Sister Vayama came, Thai women married to Australians brought delicious food to the two monks. Some…

    Read full story

    We had complaints in the first years when I was a monk because sometimes we had these Thai ladies married to Australians, and they'd come and bring food to the two monks who were there. This was before Sister Vayama came. And sometimes the Australian men, the husbands, would complain. They'd say, "My wife never cooks anything like that for me! This is unfair!" And the Thai women would say, "You should become a monk. Then I'll cook for you."

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • Why the bride wears white

    In brief: Wedding joke he tells at ceremonies: why does the bride wear white and the groom black? White is the symbol of purity — so now you…

    Read full story

    one of the jokes was now why is it in a marriage that the bride wears white and the groom wears black and the answer is you know this is the answer I've told before it's because why is a symbol of Purity and that's the bride so now you understand why the boy wears black but I heard another another reason why the why the the bride wears white at a at a wedding ceremony and that's because all domestic appliances are white

    Open story page·Watch this telling

  • The three rings of marriage

    In brief: Wedding joke: the three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring — and the suffer-ring. Told here with the audience…

    Read full story

    What are the three rings of marriage? You remember that story? The three rings of marriage. First ring of marriage is the engagement ring. Second ring. Dennis knows this one because he used to be the marriage settlement of the Buddhist society. Did this many times. I even remember once when we did a marriage and we just he was just about to declare the husband and wife uh husbands and wives your marriage is complete. Then I had to nudge him. Do you remember that Dennis? When I nudge you said you forgot to exchange the rings. Oh yes thank [laughter] you. But anyway we did that before you actually declared them husband and wife. So thank you Dennis. But anyway, the second ring of marriage is the wedding ring. And what's the third ring of ma marriage? I can't hear you. You say suffering. No, Dennis. Caring. [laughter] I've changed to become more soft in my old age.

    Open story page·Watch this telling

All stories·Find a story for your situation