Stories about expectations
22 Buddhist wisdom stories about expectations from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- Anita Moorjani: “I'm cured”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In Hong Kong, Anita Moorjani, riddled with cancers and expected to die, dies on the operating table. She sees and hears everything said (the doctors confirm it), floats out of…
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her experience while she was in hong kong she was uh indian but working in hong kong and brian joseph um walker was the her gp but she had so many cancers inside of her and all of those cancers which she had were literally killing her she had many operations and this operation was you know they think last chance for her they thought she was going to go and she did die on the operating table and when she died on the operating table she obviously came back again and then she told the story what it was like being first of all being able to see and hear everything which was being said the doctors confirmed it how the heck do you know that you were unconscious at the time and not only being able to see and hear everything but then floating out of her body and to this big beautiful light and those of you who heard me teach the deep meditation on retreats we call those nimiters in meditation beautiful lights what it is is a manifestation of your mind that's one thing which i disagreed with her on not sort of god who might feel like that but it's actually your own mind and when it's freed from the five senses it's very powerful and extremely blissful like being in the middle of pure love or pure bliss those meditation experiences which i said earlier they're such powerful happiness and and joys literally is blissing now very deeply and then when she came out afterwards she came out afterwards she didn't know how long she was in there she came with what we called in buddhism insight understanding but her main concern at the time obviously was her health her sicknesses her cancers and when she came out and became conscious again to the surprise of the doctors and they thought she would have died and then the first thing she said to the doctors is i'm cured and the doctors thought she was just being hallucinating because you know she had big tumours inside of her what do you mean you're cured and that's when afterwards she mentioned because i've understood the cause of my cancers and the cause of the cancers was the emotional stress of trying to live up to other people's expectations all the time like you your partner in life your children's expectation of you as a mother as a father as a grandparent your parents expectations of you your boss's ex expectations of you and more powerful your own expectations of you what do you think you should be doing how do you really feel that inner stress inside trying to live up to some standard and you don't know where those standards are from and when she saw that she was success a very successful woman when she saw that that was what was causing the stress which manifested in the tumors in her body she understood that was the reason why she had the cancer now she saw that and could understand the main cause of the cancers then she said i'm not going to try and live up to other people's expectations anymore i'm going to relax and just be me and you know that as soon as you if any of you ever do that you find out the you you end up being is much much much better than the you that you try to be all of that force you're not working well enough you're not good enough you're not trying hard enough you're not successful enough you could do more you could do better that is a terrible burden on your body which means that you work too hard injury don't work much at all you're still just trying too hard you still have that stress inside of your body and mind and she said that was what's causing my cancer
- Buddhism in a minuteStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Singapore gentleman asks Ajahn Brahm to teach him what Buddhism is — he has only a minute before work. Challenged, Brahm answers: suffering is asking from life what it cannot…
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when a singapore gentleman he came up to me many years ago and he said no i hear that you're a very wise monk so can you teach me what buddhism is i've only got about a minute because i've got to go to work so you know that sometimes when people just want really deep teachings and they've only got a minute instead of saying that's impossible i always like to challenging myself and just finding sort of see what you can do in such a short time and what i came up with i often repeat to people if i just stuffed it and failed and got something stupid of course i wouldn't remember it wouldn't repeat it what i said is like the suffering is asking from life what it can't give you is asking from life something which you cannot have that's called suffering so learning the limitations of life for yourself
- How to be happy — no one is happyJoke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A self-help cartoon: open the book How to Be Happy and it says 'no one is happy — next question'. The reader hugs it with a huge smile — that's the secret.
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the book was entitled how to be happy on the outside the happiness industry you go go to a Bookshop there's sections on how to be happy now how to be happy is mindfulness the latest thing just a craze how to be happy and they opened the book and the book said uh no one is Happy next question problem solved and then the fellow was hugging the book with a huge smile on his face ah no one is happy that's the secret of happiness
- “I never expected to see you in here”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Feeling awful and waiting at the local doctor's surgery, Ajahn Brahm is greeted by a friend from the temple: “I never expected to see you in here.” As if he were in a brothel or…
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Years and years and years ago, I had, I think, some sort of sickness and never found out exactly what it was about, over 20 years ago now, the last time I was really sick.. And I went to the doctors and I was sitting there in the doctor's surgery in Byford waiting for the doctor to call me in, and somebody who knew me came into the doctor's surgery and they saw me, this monk, who meditates, who lives a nice peaceful lifestyle, who doesn't get involved in the stresses of normal life, and they looked at me and they said “I never expected to see you in here!” [laughter]. And I felt really guilty - maybe I wasn't eating enough brown rice, maybe I wasn't exercising.. I'm supposed to be a monk! I'm supposed to be healthy, living a good lifestyle, and he made me feel guilty about being in a doctor's surgery. Okay, if I was in a pub or a brothel or something then and I should feel guilty [laughter], but what's wrong with being in a doctor's surgery!?
- Looking for a tortoise with a moustacheAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Chah used to say that looking for a happiness that doesn't exist is like looking for a tortoise with a moustache. Just because you haven't seen one doesn't mean it doesn't…
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Ajahn Chah used to make that uh statement, and he would keep on repeating it. And when we were like looking for some sort of happiness that didn't exist, he said that was like looking for a a tortoise with a mustache. Have you ever seen a tortoise with a mustache? Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Just you haven't found it yet. So, what many people do, they spend their whole lives looking for a tortoise with a mustache, realizing such things just don't exist.
- Looking for the perfect partnerStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A rich, gorgeous, double-first graduate decides he's so perfect he must marry the most perfect girl. In Sydney he finds a magazine-cover beauty, but she can't cook. In Melbourne…
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there's a person over in sort of Australia over in Sydney and this guy he was you know very very wealthy he inherited a lot of money from his grandfather and he was about 6' three blue-eyed really strong great pecs he was actually dropped dead gorgeous and he thought you know he had a a double first from from Cambridge and he thought look so what a great guy I am I'm absolutely perfect Rich goodlooking well educated cultured he said I'm So Perfect now I'm going to choose the most perfect girl in the world you know to marry and I'm not going to I'm not going to choose settle for second breath she has to be really perfect so I went over to Sydney and found this really really gorgeous girl you now the sort of girl you see in the front cover of magazines and he went out with her for a while but just she wasn't perfect enough for him cuz he found out she couldn't cook she was hopeless and so she said no no I want someone who's beautiful and can cook so he went down to Melbourne and he met this girl she was even more beautiful than a girl in Sydney and this girl owned her own restaurant she was a perfect cook so you thought wow this is perfect girl for me but after going out with her for a few weeks know he dumped her too cuz she was stupid you know know he had to double first from Oxford he tried to relate to her and she didn't know anything so she wasn't perfect enough and so where did he come next to Perth and there he found the most beautiful girl in the whole world oh she was really really gorgeous she was like Heavenly it's like an angel and she owned five restaurants and her cookie just would just make just make sort of all these celebrity chef STW they were nowhere near as good as this cook and she was so intelligent she had a double first not only from Cambridge but from Harvard and Oxford and Y and everywhere and from uwa she was so intelligent she was the most perfect girl but he couldn't marry her either you know why because she was looking for the perfect guy
- Lower where you should beStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Just before a talk at Nollamara a woman shows with her hands: 'this is where I should be, this is where I am,' and the gap is making her miserable. Ajahn Brahm's solution: stop…
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this is where I should be they use their hands to try and describe it this is where I should be this is where I am right now and I'm trying so hard to move myself up to where I know I should be it's caused me so much stress and difficulty in life and that's where I said okay you know I can understand your problem and the solution is very simple it's very simple here is where you're supposed to be here is where you are and you're trying to push your where you are up to where you're supposed to be how about lowering where you're supposed to be to coincide with Where You Are
- Number three after the Quran and the BibleStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In Indonesia a bookseller tells Ajahn Brahm his books are always number three in the big Gramedia chain — beaten only by the Quran and the Bible. He is delighted; he is not going…
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your books are number three sort of in the in the grand media books uh store as a chain of bookshops and so they're the biggest booksellers over in Indonesia and they said it's always number three and I said what beat my books and he said what beat what was number one was the Quran what was number two is the Bible and you're next I said that's pretty cool it's like I'm not going to try and beat those two books in Indonesia but it was actually pretty impressive
- On the birth of my son — may he be stupidStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Brahm quotes Su Dongpo (as 'Sung Po'): parents want a child to be intelligent; having wrecked his own life through intelligence, the poet only wishes his son stupid — then…
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Su Tung-Po, the famous Chinese poet. And if I remember as best I can, it was called 'On the Birth of my Son' that was the title. And it went something like this: "On the birth of a son most parents want them to grow up intelligent. But I hope my son turns out stupid Because I, through intelligence, have wrecked my whole life. If my son is stupid, then he'll have a very tranquil life and complete his peaceful existence by becoming a cabinet minister
- Parents who argued, then made upStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In a tiny London flat Ajahn Brahm watched his parents argue until they would not speak for an hour or two, then make up in front of the children. Seeing both the quarrel and the…
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living in a very very very small apartment with my mother my father my brother I remember always say my mother and father arguing arguing and sometimes they'd argue so much they wouldn't speak to each other for about an hour or two and then afterwards they'd make up I saw that as a little kid so straight away I learned my expectations of mother and father being perfect are just ridiculous my expectations that a mother and a father would love each other 24 hours a day sort of three six five days a year it's just a stupid but what I did see that yeah arguments happen and they're beautiful especially when you see them making up it's as if the arguing was worth it to see the just the tenderness and the Beautiful forgiveness of two people who would speak to each other for a couple of hours coming together and reconciling and making up that was really Beauty
- Perfect partner? Get a TV — or a dogJoke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Advice: want someone always there, listening, entertaining, quiet on demand — get a TV; always happy to see you — get a dog; don't expect a human to be that hospital-perfect.
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perfect partner then just what one person told me years ago if you want a real perfect partner somebody who's always there for you you can always listen to you or sometimes speak to you as always can entertain you there can be quiet when you want them to be quiet then get a TV well if you want someone who's just always happy to see you then get a dog
- “Suffering is asking from the world what it can never give you”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A rushed executive in Malaysia or Singapore demands a quick answer: “Four Noble Truths, suffering — what is suffering? Come on, quickly.” Put on the spot, Ajahn Brahm rises to…
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again I think it was another of the Malaysia or Singapore one of these executives who was in a rush you know what people are like they're busy they can't spend all no even's you spending an hour listening to a talk is amazing most people want to get it quickly I often thought of getting like a driving Buddhist temple you know just go in there you order what talk you want and I give you advice anger depression or whatever and you go and go to the window and it's a few nice wise words thank you very much pay your money and leave I mean that would be a wonderful thing to have a driving Buddhist temple these days but so this person was doing that instead okay this this Buddhist teaching Four Noble Truths suffering what is suffering come on quickly and actually that there's sometimes I'd like it when people put me on the spot like that because when you put on the spot often you rise to the occasion and I was rose to the occasion I said what suffering is asking from the world what it can never give you I was actually credibly profound I was actually quite amazed at myself where do you get that word from but no investigator asking from the world but it can never give you and how much do you suffer because you continue to ask either from your partner from your boss at work you know from your 40 team or even worse from yourself asking from yourself what you will never be able to do that's called suffering
- The bank robber who sat down to waitStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: True-story newspaper item: after robbing a bank the man sits in the foyer and waits to be arrested — expectations/surrender image.
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After he robbed the bank, he went into the the foyer and just sat down on a chair and waited to be arrested. And sooner the police came and they said, "You know, you're the guy who robbed the bank." He said, "Yeah, here's the money. I confess." And when he went to trial, they asked him, "Why did you do that?" "Well, I told my wife it's it's so noisy. I had I had such a difficult time living in the house with you. I thought, you know, I could go to jail instead. It'd be more peaceful
- The day after England lost to PolandStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: As a 22-year-old teacher, Ajahn Brahm watches England fail to qualify for the World Cup after Poland's late goal. Next day all 900 pupils and the staff are so depressed there are…
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One of the experiences I had as a kid, no not as a kid, I was a school teacher, twenty two, just before I went off to Thailand to become a monk, and this is very apt right now because this was World Cup in 1972, 73? Must have been 72. 74? It was World Cup, I don't know. Anyway, around that time. I will never forget this, it was a qualifying match, England versus Poland. Remember I was English. We were watching it on the TV. England only needed to draw to go through to the finals. And it was a close match, they were winning 1 - 0 and at the last moment, Poland scored. And England got knocked out. There was a match, it was a good match, exciting and I enjoyed it. Next day I went to school, all the kids, there were nine hundred kids in that school, and all the staff were all looking down at the floor. You know kids are usually, you know teenagers are usually sometimes naughty in class, this day there was no discipline problems at all because they just couldn't bear to be naughty, they were just so depressed. And I thought it's a bloomin' football match, what are you getting depressed about, it's only soccer, why are you going to spoil a whole day about that?
- The Muslim woman who said 'oh…'Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A young woman in hijab asks him to sign her book; she watches him on YouTube. As soon as he signs, she puts her hand over her mouth and blurts 'oh…' — so excited she forgot…
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one young lady come up to have her book signed and totally ruined my expectations of what a Muslim should be because she came out she was younger and in her hijab very devout woman so can you sign my book and I said yeah I can she says she watches me on YouTube great she might be watching me tonight but if you do please excuse me for letting people know this because as soon as so she signed my book as soon as I signed she said no I signed her book I'm tired come on as soon as I signed her book she put her hand over her mouth and said oh he's signing my book it's the first time I've heard a Muslim say oh she was so excited she's forgot herself and so all my expectations of Muslims being different than Australians totally vanished
- The sandflies weren't in the brochureStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Invited to teach in New Zealand, Ajahn Brahm gets a brochure of Alpine mountains and placid lakes — just the kind of place a monk loves. But in the South Island he can't stand…
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I remember to seeing a cuz I was invited to give some talks in New Zealand and so I got a brocher on New Zealand the most beautiful countryside there and know his mountains you know like the lakes with his like the Alps with his beautiful Placid lakes and there wonderful scenery there and I thought wow that is the sort of place a monk likes to go to mountains lakes beautiful Forest but when I went there I couldn't stand still for one minute sandflies for those who've been to New Zealand you know what I'm talking about and the South Island sandflies everywhere and so it was very tranquil on the pictures but the glossy u crossy pictures in the magazine they couldn't show you the sandflies
- The taxi that made him miss the planeStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A man who later visits Ajahn Brahm tells him what changed his life. In Bombay, his taxi to the airport gets lost; he reaches the airport just in time to see his flight to Europe…
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I remember this guy years ago he came to see me and the thing which changed his life and made him far more more spiritual he was in India he was in Bombay at that time still Bombay before it was changed to Mumbai and he got in a in a taxi to take him to the airport he was flying back to Europe On A Plane taxi got lost and uh his time was ticking away he didn't know he was going to make his plane or not in the end he was just hoping there was a delay in the uh takeoff of the plane cuz it was going into the time of takeoff and as he actually managed to find IND the airport Bombay Airport he actually saw his plane take off and so he's cursing the driver you know he missed his plane he left the city in plenty of time but the stupid taxi driver got lost and he was so upset and then he saw the plane fall down and crash with I don't know most people dead I'd imagine and then he was taking the taxi driver thank you so much
- The three rings of marriageJoke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Wedding joke: the three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring — and the suffer-ring. Told here with the audience supplying 'suffering' and him correcting it…
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What are the three rings of marriage? You remember that story? The three rings of marriage. First ring of marriage is the engagement ring. Second ring. Dennis knows this one because he used to be the marriage settlement of the Buddhist society. Did this many times. I even remember once when we did a marriage and we just he was just about to declare the husband and wife uh husbands and wives your marriage is complete. Then I had to nudge him. Do you remember that Dennis? When I nudge you said you forgot to exchange the rings. Oh yes thank [laughter] you. But anyway we did that before you actually declared them husband and wife. So thank you Dennis. But anyway, the second ring of marriage is the wedding ring. And what's the third ring of ma marriage? I can't hear you. You say suffering. No, Dennis. Caring. [laughter] I've changed to become more soft in my old age.
- This is not what I signed up forStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Years earlier, midway through a two-hour Indonesian book-signing and photo queue, Ajahn Brahm thinks this is not what a monk should be doing — he wanted a cave. In that moment he…
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I still remember this one time years ago where I thought what the hell am I doing this for this is not what a monk should be doing signing books and smiling and sort of having a photograph taken this is not what I signed up for I want to go into a cave and meditate I want to just be simple I just want to be disappear from the world and then I realized that that was my expectation when I first became a monk and it's because you have expectations that you suffer so in that one moment in the middle of you know signing about two hours of books in that moment I decided no no expectations let go of all those things you mentioned you should do once you become a monk let them all go and just be because in those moments there were so many people are getting a lot of happiness and joy and that was really what a monk should be doing giving happiness and joy in whatever way you can it was service it was giving I got nothing out of this at all instead just a sore arm two hours of signing books makes you sore two hours of smiling for photographs that makes my jaw sore and I did hear that in Indonesia in Java the Buddhist Monument bubble door they have asked people to refrain to stop taking photographs of that Monument because all those flashes are degrading the stone and now they're degrading me
- Weeping at the grave of his wife's first husbandJoke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A man sobs at a grave in Karrakatta, “Why did you die?” Asked if it is his father or son, he says no — it was his present wife's former husband.
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I remember this one story of disappointment which I read the other day about the person who was, they found him just in Karakatta and he was weeping over a grave. And he was just so disappointed. Why did you die? Why did you die? Why did you die? And someone came up to him and said, what's wrong? They saw it was a male grave, is that your son or your father? He said, no, I'm just so disappointed he died. Well, who was he? He said he was the husband of my present wife, the former husband that was. Why did you have to die? Why do you have to die?
- What is two plus two?Joke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Three candidates for preselection in a safe Australian seat are asked the same question: what is 2 + 2? The first uses a calculator: 4. The second says 4 at once. The third: '2 +…
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A preselection for a safe seat somewhere in Australia. And there were three candidates, once they interviewed everybody, the last three candidates. And so the people who are going to select who's going to stand for the election in this seat. They called in the candidates, one after the other. The first one, who came in, they said: We're gone ask each one of you the same question, a very simple question. Please tell us the answer. The question is: What is 2 + 2? And the first candidate got out his calculator. Punched in the instructions and he said 4. Very good. Don't call us, we will call you. And they called in the second candidate. Same question to keep it fair. What is 2 + 2 ? And straight away he said 4. Very good. Don't call us, we will call you. They asked the third candidate. What is 2 + 2 ? And this candidate said: 2 + 2 is whatever you tell me it is, boss. You got the job. [laughter]
- Why the bride wears whiteJoke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Wedding joke he tells at ceremonies: why does the bride wear white and the groom black? White is the symbol of purity — so now you understand why the groom wears black. Another…
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one of the jokes was now why is it in a marriage that the bride wears white and the groom wears black and the answer is you know this is the answer I've told before it's because why is a symbol of Purity and that's the bride so now you understand why the boy wears black but I heard another another reason why the why the the bride wears white at a at a wedding ceremony and that's because all domestic appliances are white