# Parents who argued, then made up

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-parents-argued-then-made-up
- Themes: family, forgiveness, expectations, beauty
- Life situations: parents arguing, learning about relationships

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

In a tiny London flat Ajahn Brahm watched his parents argue until they would not speak for an hour or two, then make up in front of the children. Seeing both the quarrel and the reconciliation taught him not to expect perfect parents — and to see the beauty in forgiveness.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

living in a very very very small apartment with my mother my father my brother I remember always say my mother and father arguing arguing and sometimes they'd argue so much they wouldn't speak to each other for about an hour or two and then afterwards they'd make up I saw that as a little kid so straight away I learned my expectations of mother and father being perfect are just ridiculous my expectations that a mother and a father would love each other 24 hours a day sort of three six five days a year it's just a stupid but what I did see that yeah arguments happen and they're beautiful especially when you see them making up it's as if the arguing was worth it to see the just the tenderness and the Beautiful forgiveness of two people who would speak to each other for a couple of hours coming together and reconciling and making up that was really Beauty

## Teaching point

Lowered expectations of family life make room to see its real beauty.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

In a tiny London flat, young Ajahn Brahm watched his parents argue, stop speaking for an hour or two, then make up in front of the children. Seeing both taught him families aren't perfect, and that forgiveness is beautiful. If children see you quarrel, let them see you reconcile too. That's the real lesson.

## Source

- [Expectations | Ajahn Brahm | 15 April 2016](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV0wiAuOqik) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 28:32 to 29:42: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV0wiAuOqik&t=1712s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Reasonable Resolutions | Ajahn Brahm | 2 Jan 2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5qjJqqtk9A) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 10:12 to 10:44: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5qjJqqtk9A&t=612s