Stories about conflict
12 Buddhist wisdom stories about conflict from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- Can we build that hall your way — and can I be the builder?Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Brahm's last real argument was with then-abbot Ajahn Jagaro over the design of Bodhinyana's meditation hall — notes left outside each other's huts for a week. Brahm came to…
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and the last real argument which I had are very proud of this argument that's why I keep telling people about it words with the former output of voting the other Monastery because I didn't I was always there but there was another Monk who was my boss when I first went over there and for those of you who see our meditation Hall in bodinana Monastery that was his design my design was much better much cheaper much to this day I still think that he was his he wanted his way I wanted my way and I wasn't going to give in no this was important this is a monastery it's really important the buildings are going to be there for years we've got to get it right and so for a week we argued but we didn't the way we argued is actually instead of actually looking at each other we would just like man or wife I think just you said no's to each other you know I don't know this is the reasons why we should build a hall this way and I left it outside his Hut and next a few hours later I got another night if I had to buy that all these reasons what we should do his way it's crazy stuff there's many many years ago and in the end you know hopefully you do come to your senses the conflict what are you doing that for and that's what I came to record this is ridiculous and I'm a monk I shouldn't be doing this so actually I went to his Hut instead of actually putting a note in front of his store I knocked on his door come in and I said sort of I I'm sorry I asked forgiveness and I did the full ceremony bowing offering flowers and incense and Buddhist ceremony of asking forgiveness and he was very touched by that and he thought wow this is beautiful this is what monks should be like and then you know there's some making up and then we didn't kiss no we don't do such like that we just you know do the same thing so afterwards and I said to him and said once we did a sermon he said and he said oh that's really beautiful what you said that's very high minded of you and said oh thank you can I ask for two favors and that's where he he stopped and thought what's he up to is this going to be another argument and what I said next I'm always very proud of you know I don't mind saying the good things which I've done I say the bad things what you do but the good things are inspiring and they so inspire me I told him said now I've asked forgiveness so far I can read through my first favor I want to ask of you can we build that Hall your way they said yes or that very quickly I said my second favorite is can I be the Builder I want to spend about a year and a half which I did building that place your way I said wow that's really inspiring and inspired me as well it wasn't just okay you do it your way you know I'm out of here I'm not going to help you that stupid hole so I built that hole my name's actually on the building license on that Hall and I spent a long time doing that because I thought that's a beautiful thing to do because the harmony the peace the inspiration was something more important than arguing with people and having conflict they're learning how to work together yeah you can have differences of opinion you can talk it out and you know find a sensitive Moment by really listening deeply and finding out the right time to talk about these things and then actually just amazing the right time and place you can have this beautiful beautiful outcomes because for me you know what is a monastery anyway s not the buildings it's a people you know if you go to boating down a monastery I'm sure you can find more inspiring buildings in other places but it's the atmosphere it's the people the monks that's more important this place over here not a marvelous and I'm sure you can find a much more comfortable place to spend the Friday evening than just sitting on the floor with your legs aching now squash in the chairs not trying difficult to find power parking there's many more comfortable places to come but there's something else happening in the atmosphere the goodness the kindness the people that is what makes a monastery so I got my priorities right a marriage
- Christmas cards to the adversariesStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Huge clay trucks with trailers thunder down the steep, narrow road past Bodhinyana; Ajahn Brahm sees one tip over and realises anyone in front would be killed, so the monastery…
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many years ago, this is part of the history of Bodhinyana Monastery, we had a huge problem with clay trucks past our monastery. It was noisy but that wasn't the main problem as I keep on mentioning. It was the danger of those huge trucks with trailers down that steep, narrow road. And once, I saw one of those trailers tip over. They lost control. And I saw that and that was very scary. Because I knew if any one of you would come to visit our monastery or a monk was visiting the monastery or going or if I was coming or going, if we'd been in front of that truck, we'd have no chance, we'd be dead. So because of that I thought, we have to actually fight this, this is wrong. But I was very impressed with the secretary at the time, it was actually Ajahn Sujato. Because during all this time, in court cases and legal wranglings, because it had to get to that. During this whole time, it came to Christmas, and our secretary wrote Christmas cards, Happy Christmas, may you have a wonderful new year to all our adversaries. That really shook them and undermined what they thought of us. If you're having a legal case with someone and you send someone a Christmas card they think, 'My goodness what's going on here?' We even got told off, I think because we're only supposed to legally contact our adversaries through our lawyers. We should have sent the Christmas card to our lawyer who would have given it to their lawyer who would have then given it to the adversary. [laughs] Crazy system. We just sent it straight to them. So that, even actually your adversaries, you're actually giving some loving kindness because we realised it wasn't our, it was a common problem, it was our problem so we have to work together somehow or another. Even during a legal battle, no ill will.
- Come have some sake — the old man on the trainStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Martial-arts student on a crowded Japanese train is about to fight a drunk who shoved a pregnant woman; an old man offers the drunk sake, speaks kindly of his late wife — the…
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Japan studying martial arts and of course real martial arts should only be used after training out of compassion not sort of using aggressively and he was in a crowded train and he knew I forget what particular martial arts it was Taekwondo or when it was karate but anyway he was highly sort of skilled in that art but you know had some restraints only use it for kindness or for personal training but he saw this drunken Japanese guy come on the train and just push his way past the pregnant woman the pregnant woman fell on the floor and he thought that this now is a justification he can actually show off his martial arts so he went up to this guy and this guy sort of squared up to him and you know he said you shouldn't do that and he said I'm going to teach you some manners and it's about to be a fight and this Old Gentleman in the back of the the train so came up touched this drunken man on the shoulder and said come and have some sake with me had a little bottle with him and so the drunkard you know would always like some more sake so he left the American the martial arts expert alone and sat down on a chair with him and he started saying something like you know my wife who passed away some time ago we always used to sit out in the afternoon in the late evening having little sake together it said it with much kindness and this drunken man started to cry and he said his wife too had died only a few months ago and he was so depressed and upset he'd lost his job and that's why he took solace in alcohol and saying the story there why the violence started finding another way of dealing with it
- I am the Thai pirateStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Early in his monkhood Ajahn Brahm was spun around by a poem of Thich Nhat Hanh from the boat-people years: I am the refugee, the pregnant woman, the woman raped by the Thai…
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poem by Venable tikat Hanan now you know he was a Vietnamese Monk and he was in his early years before he became famous he was really looking after the Vietnamese Community who had escaped from Vietnam on boats risking their lives many of them didn't make it the boats were even worse than they are these days most people died at Sea those people who survived were raped by Tha Pirates their money their collections disappeared it was a terrible terrible time and there any Vietnamese people here you know you understand what I mean and this monk wrote this poem which was both shock it just span me around but gave me an insight into how such conflicts can be resolved I can't remember the poem properly but it was something like I am I am the refugee in a boat tossed on the waves I am the woman pregnant in that boat I am the woman raped by the Thai pirate I am the Thai pirate raping this woman I am the Tai pirate stealing the money I am all of those people
- I'm leaving — but there's only oceanStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Janice and her husband, finishing a mining contract in WA, sold their house, bought a yacht with another couple and sailed for Vancouver. Mid-Pacific the engine failed; the two…
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Janice was uh from Canada came with her husband he was working up in the mines somewhere some engineer here on a contract when it finished they had to go back home to Canada the young couple and they were very smart very wise instead of doing what most people would do get an air ticket they decid no no let's sell the little house we have and use the money to buy a boat so they got a yacht idea let's sail to Vancouver in Canada when we get there sell the the yacht we got our deposit for the next house a brilliant idea you have an adventure of a lifetime imagine that my sailing from Perth you know over to the north of Australia and then through the South Seas over to you know maybe up the Atlantic coast eventually up to Vancouver like a journey of a lifetime and on the cheap too because you know you buy the boat you sell it when you get to the other end brilliant idea and of course you know they wrote to us when they arrived safely back in Vancouver but what Janice said in the story you in a letter a brilliant thing happened in the middle of the ocean their engine stored that actually I should have said that Janice and a husband they teamed up with another couple two married couples you know to help on the journey so in the middle of the ocean so the engine store they will be calm they couldn't go anywhere now this was 26 years ago in the middle of the Pacific Ocean you can't call up the RAC you're stuck you have to fix it up for yourself no satellite phones so you're in big trouble but you know they had a good tool kit and they knew what they were doing and so the two guys went into the engine room to sort out the the problem with the engine the two girls apparently were on Deck reading magazines sexist but that was 26 years ago so two guys in the engine room now any of you guys who've ever tried to fix up an engine you know that sometimes as I said in the book it just does not want to be fixed up and they were getting more and more frustrated maybe you haven't tried to fix up an an engine of a boat but maybe you try to fix up your computer and you start swearing that's what these guys did they started swearing cuz they're getting frustrated and frustration led to blaming each other it's your fault stupid and blaming each other soon led to a full on argument and the argument got to such a high level of conflict that one of them threw down their wrench in anger and said right that's it I'm leaving and this actually occurred he was so mad with his rage he went to his cabin he actually changed cleaned up he's all dirty changed into his best clothes packed his bags and appeared on Deck carrying his two suitcases and the two women almost fell off the boat laughing cuz he looked around and there was ocean in all directions as far as you could see there's no place to go so he had only one choice red in the face with embarrassment he turned around went back to his cabin got back changed back into his work clothes back into the engine room to help out and they ended that Voyage as they began the best of friends I love that story CU that's like our world we like a boat in the ocean there's nowhere to go you may think right that's it I'm leaving where you going to go to instead go back into the anent room help your enemy fix up the problem
- It wasn't the flag or the wind — your mouths were movingJoke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Two monks argue whether the flag or the wind is moving; a Zen master says their minds are moving. Unsatisfied, they ask a Theravada forest ajahn, who says they are all wrong: it…
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the conflict of the two monks who were watching the flag latter and one monk said look at that the flag is fluttering and the other one said no the wind is moving not the flag and they had an argument this is I'm going to use this as a metaphor later on and they couldn't solve the argument was the wound wind moving or the flag moving so they went to see the Zen Monk and the sand monk said you were both wrong it wasn't the flag moving it wasn't the wind moving your minds were moving and they weren't satisfied with that either so the three of them the two monks and the Zen master went to go and see the theravada forest adjun and he said you are all wrong it wasn't the flag movie it wasn't the wind moving it wasn't your mind's moving the problem was your mouths were moving and that is that the important part that's actually a little bit of a joke and I was actually saw that in a list of jokes not because your mind moves because your mouth moves that's where the conflict starts from
- 'Miss, can we have quiet time now?'Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A deputy principal who learned meditation with Ajahn Brahm teaches her Year 6 class 'quiet time' every morning, from five minutes at the start of the year to fifteen or twenty by…
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one of the uh the people who learned meditation with me uh she was a a deputy principal of one of the schools primary schools she's retired about 10 years ago now so it shows you how old the story is but she would uh be teaching meditation in her class of kids and there were year sixes grade sixes and know grade sixes you know they're starting to you know get close to puberty and starting to be a bit Troublesome but she started teaching the meditation from the very beginning of the year now she called it quiet time rather than meditation cuz now meditation is uh looked upon as being Buddhist and for a good reason cuz basically Buddhism invented meditation now we started it off so it has that Association even though that you know anyone can meditate you don't have to be a budhist to meditate and you even some people say that when they sit down meditating at home they the dogs meditate too which is one of the other nice areas they they sit quietly next to you and I'm sure that people who meditate next to their dogs their dogs bark less and they're much quieter maybe that could be could be a study on how to quiet down dogs but the uh she was teaching quiet time starting off with 5 minutes at the beginning of the year and finishing off with 15 or 20 minutes as a group activity which started every morning of the school year and she told actually it wasn't her but it was her principal because I remember going to the school once and obviously having some tea with the principal and he was he was not a Buddhist but he was praising sort of this lady and how that her meditation introduced in this year 60s the changes which he saw happen which was not just the children's intellectual ability increased because their attention was strengthened and but also and their academic uh results increased and he could see this having been a principal looking at it from objective position but also he found out some other things which were happening that the social interaction of the children in that class improve they are more sensitive more compassionate and less aggressive towards each other which was an important part of what happens when you do become more attentive more sensitive just the the mindfulness develops the compassion and the understanding and I remember her giving an example of what happened and many many times she said that sometimes in the class of kids in our modern schools sometimes there'll be some sort of argument or some sort of altercation and usually whether that would be a fight or a big argument now that one of the kids in the class would put up their hand and say Miss can we have quiet time now and when they had quiet time just for 5 minutes just doing a simple relaxation watching the breath calming the Mind down afterwards the altercation finished and there was no sort of big argument or big problem not only that that people were sensitive to each other because of their digital development of meditation year sixes they could actually tell when somebody was in a bad mood or someone was sick or someone was unhappy and because of that they had this beautiful little mini Society in their classroom which had been enhanced by doing a tiny bit of meditation every day
- Mortal enemies who go out to dinnerStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Jerry Hansen, who built the retreat centre, told Ajahn Brahm he would fight publicly with union representative Kevin Reynolds for the media, then go out to dinner in the evening…
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I remember know this I don't mind saying he told me this you know the fellow who built our Retreat Center Jerry Hansen you know he had his fights with Kevin Reynolds you know with the the union sort of Representative but he told me Percy said I yeah and we have these fights you know for the media but then we go out for dinner in the evening quite quite admired that you know the sort of you know what the what the newspaper say is mortal enemies but you know then they sort of they have dinner again they s establish a friendship
- Put a sticker on it — seven daysStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A friend's workshop driveway is blocked by an illegally parked car; the ranger can only ticket and wait seven days. The owner parks across the shire council car-park entrance and…
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there was a car illegally parked across his driveway and I can't even get my own car into the workshop let alone get any people any business cars coming in or or you know the fixed cars coming out so you rang up the local council a ranger came and it stuck a sticker on the car no report it says that are you gonna do said yeah that's the law you have to keep the sticker one after seven days so we can take it away after seven days I've got my business you mean I can't do any business works of law so sorry can nothing we can do about it so this was a very smart person always think outside the box don't get angry just be wise so what this guy did he got his car I couldn't get into his workshop anyway he went to the local shire council offices and part his car the driveway of the car park at which point they said come you can use your you can't park your car there it's illegal you know the the counselors can't come in now even though Mary can't come out and this guy said put a sticker on it really [laughter] it's seven days and [laughter] of course both cars would move pretty quickly after that so I thought that was actually pretty neat
- Seven blind Australians and the kangarooAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Brahm adapts the blind-men-and-elephant into seven blind Australians feeling a kangaroo — tail like a snake, legs like a boomerang, pouch like a handbag, joey like a teddy bear —…
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once there were seven blind Australians and they've never ever seen a kangaroo before even living in this country but they always they've heard about a kangaroo and they wonder what a kangaroo actually is so they decided you know the seven blind Australians so go and find a kangaroo and feeling find out what a kangaroo really is so one of them managed to find a kangaroo and felt the tail and fair oh the tail that's like a snake and the one who felt the legs said oh no no elephant is a boomerang is this way the bent the one who felt the pouch said oh an elephant is a handbag a lady's handbag one who felt the Joey inside said an elephant is a teddy bear I'm making this up as I go along by the way the one who felt the if you ever seen the kangaroo's pores it's a back scratcher you know if you're using a bathroom it's scratch the one who fell how where am I going now one of felt the the ears what's the ears like the ears like a radar because they go back and those are the ears actually move different directions and the one who felt their head wasn't going to be the head it's like it's like a deer isn't it so they all argued one elephant was an elephant because elephant is a boomerang no it's not it's a snake that's a back scratcher it's a Hermes bag handbag for women now it's got two heads one of the top one at the bottom oh the middle rather and they all argued about what an kangaroo was now the point of that similarly you know it's usually just a simile of the no blind man and the the elephant the purpose of that simile is to point out that each one of these were people were right you know the one who felt the tail actually felt the tail they weren't imagining this it wasn't some sort of Illusion on drugs or something it actually felt it it was real and to them it did appear like a snake and the one who felt sort of the the pout it does feel like a lady's handbag if you've never actually seen it before and it's nice and soft it's beautiful every one of those thought they were right because they had person experience and now you can understand why we argue with one another because we always really believe that we are right and we've got reasons for that our experience our knowledge our research on the internet I've researched it it's right you research something else other people on the Internet is find something totally different now this is a problem because we always think we're right just like we think just because it goes quack quack it has to be a duck we found that later on we are wrong how many times have you been wrong in life how many times you really really really really really really thought you were right and you turned out to be wrong each one of us has I have many times
- Seven days without food ended the monks' quarrelStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At Kosambi (he places near modern Allahabad) monks argued endlessly; lay people stopped offering food for seven days until the starving monks settled the dispute. He maps it to…
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there's a big Monastery they're having an argument they couldn't settle it so all the lay people decided okay we're not going to feed the monks seven days later the argument was settled the poor monks were so hungry and starving okay we're not going to argue anymore
- The anger-eating demonStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A monster sits on the emperor's throne and grows bigger with every angry word from the guards; the returning emperor welcomes it, the court follows with kindness, and the demon…
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It's a great story of the demon who came into the emperor's palace. Demon coming into an emperor's palace, and emperor was away. Because he was away there was a monster, a big, ugly terrifying demon came and strolled right into the palace! He was so frightening, so terrifying! Everybody froze in horror at this ugly, disgusting, slimy demon, allowing the demon to go right through, into the heart of the palace and sit on the emperor's throne. As soon as he sat on the emperor's throne, that was just too much for the guards and the ministers. They came to their senses. They said, "Get out of here! Who do you think you are? This is our emperor's seat, not yours!! Get out, or else!" At those harsh words, the demon grew an inch bigger, more ugly, more smelly and the language got far worse.. That made the soldiers and ministers even more upset. They got out their swords. They got out clubs. They clenched their fists. But at every unkind word, every angry deed, even every unkind thought, the monster just grew an inch bigger, more ugly, more terrifying, more smelly, and the language from the monster got worse and worse and worse. This had been going on for quite some time before the emperor came back. At this time that demon was so huge he took up half the throne room. He was massive, and talk about ugly and frightening. I've never seen "Alien," the movie, but people said the alien is pretty terrifying. Imagine the alien, multiplied by a thousand! This was so terrifying, not even DreamWorks could manufacture such a terrifying, horrible spectacle as this ugly demon. According to the story, the smell, the stench coming off this demon's body would make maggots throw up. [laughter] It takes a lot to make a maggot sick. [laughter] And the language coming from this demon was worse! Was worse than you'd hear in Northbridge after both the Eagles and the Dockers lose. [laughter] So this was a problem, a real difficult being coming into the palace. But when the emperor came back...the reason he was emperor was he'd been to Nollamara, heard the talks and was wise. [laughter] I always change these stories every time. Embellish them this way and that way, so you can always hear a new angle. The emperor had also read "Opening the Door of Your Heart," which is available at the book shop for $25 [laughter] Ajahn: I've also learned marketing. I was at an entrepreneurship business conference this afternoon. But anyway, the emperor said, "Welcome. Oh monster, thank you so much for coming to visit me. Why have you waited such a long time to come and pay me a call?' At those few kind words, the monster grew an inch smaller, less ugly, less smelly, less offensive. All the people in the palace realized their mistake. Instead of saying, "Get out of here, you don't belong! What are you doing here? You don't belong in here!" they started to say, "Welcome." One of them said, "Actually, do you want something to drink? We've got some orange juice, freshly squozen." Squeezed...squozen? I don't know, who cares? [laughter] Ajahn: "Would you like something to eat? We've got some nice curry puffs." Are they available this evening? I don't know, I didn't see what's out there. "They got some curry puffs. We've got some sandwiches." Someone said, "Would you like a pizza? I can ring up. Monster size of course for someone like you." [laughter] Ajahn: Someone gave the monster a foot massage. Have you ever had a foot massage? Imagine a monster, with such big feet. It took about 10 of them to give each foot a massage. Someone else, "Do you want a cup of tea? We have English tea. We have peppermint. It's good for your health. Or a cup of coffee? Latte, cappuccino, or Brazilian?" I don't really know what I'm talking about with coffee. [laughter] I just drink whatever I'm given. Ajahn: So anyway, at every kind word or kind deed or kind thought the demon grew an inch smaller, less ugly, less offensive, less smelly. It wasn't such a long time even before the monster's pizza arrived he was back down to the size when he first began, when he first came in. They kept laying on the kindness until that demon got so tiny one more act of kindness and that demon vanished completely away.