Stories for workplace conflict
5 Buddhist wisdom stories for workplace conflict from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- Can we build that hall your way — and can I be the builder?Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Brahm's last real argument was with then-abbot Ajahn Jagaro over the design of Bodhinyana's meditation hall — notes left outside each other's huts for a week. Brahm came to…
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and the last real argument which I had are very proud of this argument that's why I keep telling people about it words with the former output of voting the other Monastery because I didn't I was always there but there was another Monk who was my boss when I first went over there and for those of you who see our meditation Hall in bodinana Monastery that was his design my design was much better much cheaper much to this day I still think that he was his he wanted his way I wanted my way and I wasn't going to give in no this was important this is a monastery it's really important the buildings are going to be there for years we've got to get it right and so for a week we argued but we didn't the way we argued is actually instead of actually looking at each other we would just like man or wife I think just you said no's to each other you know I don't know this is the reasons why we should build a hall this way and I left it outside his Hut and next a few hours later I got another night if I had to buy that all these reasons what we should do his way it's crazy stuff there's many many years ago and in the end you know hopefully you do come to your senses the conflict what are you doing that for and that's what I came to record this is ridiculous and I'm a monk I shouldn't be doing this so actually I went to his Hut instead of actually putting a note in front of his store I knocked on his door come in and I said sort of I I'm sorry I asked forgiveness and I did the full ceremony bowing offering flowers and incense and Buddhist ceremony of asking forgiveness and he was very touched by that and he thought wow this is beautiful this is what monks should be like and then you know there's some making up and then we didn't kiss no we don't do such like that we just you know do the same thing so afterwards and I said to him and said once we did a sermon he said and he said oh that's really beautiful what you said that's very high minded of you and said oh thank you can I ask for two favors and that's where he he stopped and thought what's he up to is this going to be another argument and what I said next I'm always very proud of you know I don't mind saying the good things which I've done I say the bad things what you do but the good things are inspiring and they so inspire me I told him said now I've asked forgiveness so far I can read through my first favor I want to ask of you can we build that Hall your way they said yes or that very quickly I said my second favorite is can I be the Builder I want to spend about a year and a half which I did building that place your way I said wow that's really inspiring and inspired me as well it wasn't just okay you do it your way you know I'm out of here I'm not going to help you that stupid hole so I built that hole my name's actually on the building license on that Hall and I spent a long time doing that because I thought that's a beautiful thing to do because the harmony the peace the inspiration was something more important than arguing with people and having conflict they're learning how to work together yeah you can have differences of opinion you can talk it out and you know find a sensitive Moment by really listening deeply and finding out the right time to talk about these things and then actually just amazing the right time and place you can have this beautiful beautiful outcomes because for me you know what is a monastery anyway s not the buildings it's a people you know if you go to boating down a monastery I'm sure you can find more inspiring buildings in other places but it's the atmosphere it's the people the monks that's more important this place over here not a marvelous and I'm sure you can find a much more comfortable place to spend the Friday evening than just sitting on the floor with your legs aching now squash in the chairs not trying difficult to find power parking there's many more comfortable places to come but there's something else happening in the atmosphere the goodness the kindness the people that is what makes a monastery so I got my priorities right a marriage
- Coffee for the new bossStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A listener's former colleague is promoted and becomes a harsh, scolding boss. Advised by Ajahn Brahm to look at the boss's beautiful side, the woman goes up to her and simply…
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recently somebody said I'm sure they're probably here but I can't remember it was last week or two weeks ago they say they tried this with their boss in the office they just got a new boss actually the new boss was was one of their colleagues before now got promoted it's amazing when someone gets promoted they actually change from being a friend to being like a Margaret Thatcher uh you know I always remember Margaret Thatcher she said cabinet ministers there are some you can beat down there are some you can wear down and the others you grind down that's a really amazing woman grinding cabinet ministers down wo but there are some people like that in your office but instead of looking at that aspect of her boss I told her to look at her beautiful side and so this amazing woman she went to her and the boss usually being scouting at her and complaining just asked her do you want a cup of coffee I'm just going down to the coffee machine and the boss was so taken back apparently changing the attitude to a person looking at the kindness
- He punched the art teacher for smiling — then called him a friendStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: An Armadale-group artist who taught at Claremont smiled at a difficult colleague; the man punched him and flattened him. Years later the same man greeted him as an old friend and…
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one of these artists who used to come to our Armadale group so many years ago, he was an art teacher at Claremont, I think it was. And he said one of his colleagues was just a bad person, and this art teacher was quite a spiritual guy, he smiled at this colleague one day and the colleague just punched him in the nose and flattened him for smiling. And he met the guy years later— he had to leave the school after that— and met him years later and this friend came up and said, "We were such good friends in those days," and the teacher said, "What? You flattened me!" He said, "Oh, yeah, I forgot about that." His perception of the relationship was totally different than the other person's relationship; the guy who hit the art teacher was going through some very, very difficult time, but recognized the art teacher was actually trying to be kind to him. And even though he couldn't express that he'd recognize this, and even just it looked like he was angry at this art teacher, it is still the kindness had got in there somewhere, and it stayed with him for all those years
- Mortal enemies who go out to dinnerStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Jerry Hansen, who built the retreat centre, told Ajahn Brahm he would fight publicly with union representative Kevin Reynolds for the media, then go out to dinner in the evening…
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I remember know this I don't mind saying he told me this you know the fellow who built our Retreat Center Jerry Hansen you know he had his fights with Kevin Reynolds you know with the the union sort of Representative but he told me Percy said I yeah and we have these fights you know for the media but then we go out for dinner in the evening quite quite admired that you know the sort of you know what the what the newspaper say is mortal enemies but you know then they sort of they have dinner again they s establish a friendship
- The filthy ragStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In front of the other monks, a monk angrily tells Ajahn Brahm that wiping his bowl with that filthy rag is a filthy habit. Tempted to argue — even to punch him — Ajahn Brahm…
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There's one case this monk of all people got really angry with me in front of other people in the monastery. And this monk and I was actually wiping my bowl with a rag said that's a filthy habit. You shouldn't wash your bowl with a filthy rag like that. Was that impressive? No, not really. Okay. [laughter] I don't usually get angry. But anyway, he was so angry at me and I realized I had a choice. I could get angry back, which was fair. But no, I want to try something else. And I remember just this was done with a lot of willpower. I must admit, I don't usually use willpower, but I really wanted to punch him or something. But instead, instead, I just went over to the rag bag. I changed over and got a proper cloth and started wiping my my bowl. And all the time I could see all the monks gone quiet. They want to find out what happens next. We didn't have TV in monastery. I didn't sort of see anything interesting and this was actually, you know, drama, something happening. So anyway, I went over there and I just uh changed my my bowl lid. They changed the the the rag I was using and then I looked up at him and so did everybody else and he went red in the face, bright red embarrassment and he walked away and he never got angry at me again.