Story · Ajahn Brahm
The last animal I killed — a warm mouse
Content note: animal death
The story — as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)
the last animal I ever killed in my life was a mouse just after my father died. I was just 16 and my mother was staying alone and a mouse was in the house and she was terrified of mouse of mice and then I caught it in a trap and killed it and to this day I felt so bad about that. That was how many 50 46 years ago. Is that right? Yeah. No, 56 years ago. And I can still see that mouse, a mouse or not quite sure which, but it was a beautiful animal. It was still warm when I took it and took it to the uh the bin where I supposed to go. And I felt so guilty for that. I was stroking it when I was taking it to the the rubbish bin. And I shouldn't have done it. Shouldn't have killed it. And if I did kill it, I shouldn't have taken it to a rubbish bin
▶ Watch Ajahn Brahm tell it from 31:30 (to 32:36)
A reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)
At sixteen, just after his father died, Ajahn Brahm trapped a mouse for his frightened mother. He stroked its warm body on the way to the bin and has felt guilty ever since. It was a living being, beautiful and worth more than that. Now he suggests feeding mice until they're too fat for the holes. Live in harmony with small creatures.
In brief (our summary)
Age 16, just after father dies: traps and kills a mouse for terrified mother. Decades later still sees it — warm, beautiful — stroked it on the way to the rubbish bin; still guilty.
Teaching point
One kill can haunt fifty years — stroke what you cannot undo.
When this story may help
Themes
Source & credit
Told by Ajahn Brahm in How to Manage Responsibilities | Ajahn Brahm | 21 June 2024 · 2024-06-22 · ▶ watch from 31:30 to 32:36 · Buddhist Society of Western Australia
7 other tellings of this story
- Why I Became a Monk | Ajahn Brahm | 28 March 2025 · 2025-03-29 · ▶ watch from 46:39 to 47:21 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaMar 2025: after father died, kills mouse for terrified mother; still-warm body — last animal he killed.
- How to Make Difficult Decisions | Ajahn Brahm | 28 June 2024 · 2024-06-29 · ▶ watch from 2:51 to 3:15 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaJun 2024 decisions: age 16 after father died; trap kills mouse; guilt while stroking it.
- Virtue and Kindness | Ajahn Brahm | 30 May 2025 · 2025-06-10 · ▶ watch from 15:49 to 17:24 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaMay 2025: last kill — trap for terrified mum after dad died; still strokes warm mouse; won't tell kitchen caretaker.
- The Essence of Vesak | Ajahn Brahm | 24 May 2013 · 2013-06-02 · ▶ watch from 51:46 to 52:29 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaVesak 2013: after father dies, traps mouse for terrified household — still warm, never again.
- Guided Meditation | Ajahn Brahm | 2nd April 2022 · 2022-04-02 · ▶ watch from 1:03:34 to 1:04:17 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaApr 2022: father dead; traps mouse for Mum; still warm, strokes fur — guilt of killing it himself.
- Vesak Day (Afternoon) | 11 May 2025 · 2025-05-11 · ▶ watch from 2:04:54 to 2:05:32 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaVesak 2025: after father's death, traps a mouse; still warm, strokes it.
- 2023 April (3/19) | 9 day Retreat | Ajahn Brahm · 2023-04-26 · ▶ watch from 47:50 to 48:22 · Buddhist Society of Western AustraliaApr 2023: age 16, looks after his mother, sets a trap, strokes the dead mouse on the way to the bin because it is so soft and beautiful.
Caption notes: YouTube auto-captions with machine-added punctuation; words left exactly as captioned.
The narrative is Ajahn Brahm's own telling, quoted from the talk captions. The summary and reflection are Being Mindful Stories's editorial notes. Please credit the teacher and link the original talk. Markdown version