# The last animal I killed — a warm mouse

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-killed-mouse-after-father-died
- Themes: ahimsa, guilt, animals, grief
- Life situations: grief, family

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Age 16, just after father dies: traps and kills a mouse for terrified mother. Decades later still sees it — warm, beautiful — stroked it on the way to the rubbish bin; still guilty.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

the last animal I ever killed in my life was a mouse just after my father died. I was just 16 and my mother was staying alone and a mouse was in the house and she was terrified of mouse of mice and then I caught it in a trap and killed it and to this day I felt so bad about that. That was how many 50 46 years ago. Is that right? Yeah. No, 56 years ago. And I can still see that mouse, a mouse or not quite sure which, but it was a beautiful animal. It was still warm when I took it and took it to the uh the bin where I supposed to go. And I felt so guilty for that. I was stroking it when I was taking it to the the rubbish bin. And I shouldn't have done it. Shouldn't have killed it. And if I did kill it, I shouldn't have taken it to a rubbish bin

## Teaching point

One kill can haunt fifty years — stroke what you cannot undo.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

At sixteen, just after his father died, Ajahn Brahm trapped a mouse for his frightened mother. He stroked its warm body on the way to the bin and has felt guilty ever since. It was a living being, beautiful and worth more than that. Now he suggests feeding mice until they're too fat for the holes. Live in harmony with small creatures.

## Source

- [How to Manage Responsibilities | Ajahn Brahm | 21 June 2024](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-E8GTX-NZkQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 31:30 to 32:36: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-E8GTX-NZkQ&t=1890s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Why I Became a Monk | Ajahn Brahm | 28 March 2025](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-U28g_SVuc) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 46:39 to 47:21: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-U28g_SVuc&t=2799s
- [How to Make Difficult Decisions | Ajahn Brahm | 28 June 2024](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMRRn0qzCLw) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 2:51 to 3:15: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMRRn0qzCLw&t=171s
- [Virtue and Kindness | Ajahn Brahm | 30 May 2025](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y529kJC6opI) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 15:49 to 17:24: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y529kJC6opI&t=949s
- [The Essence of Vesak | Ajahn Brahm | 24 May 2013](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBgBiZZA-g8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 51:46 to 52:29: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBgBiZZA-g8&t=3106s
- [Guided Meditation | Ajahn Brahm | 2nd April 2022](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XjciBaKEZI) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:03:34 to 1:04:17: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XjciBaKEZI&t=3814s
- [Vesak Day (Afternoon) | 11 May 2025](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T123BDNTy4Q) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 2:04:54 to 2:05:32: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T123BDNTy4Q&t=7494s
- [2023 April (3/19) | 9 day Retreat | Ajahn Brahm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPllNABzV_A) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 47:50 to 48:22: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPllNABzV_A&t=2870s