Stories for grief
18 Buddhist wisdom stories for grief from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life' at a funeralStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At the funeral Ajahn Brahm conducts for a regular member, Mike Wright, the last piece of music — chosen by Mike, who told his wife — is 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life'…
Read full story
except for that funeral service I gave for one of our members a couple of weeks ago, Mike Wright. Many of you if you saw him, you'd remember him— he was a regular here. And at the end of his funeral service— he told his wife this, apparently, that the last song, piece of music, at the end of his funeral service was from the 'Life of Brian', 'Look on the Bright Side of Life'. I really recommend that for funeral services for Buddhists. It made everyone laugh and happy at the very end.
- An email from beyond the graveStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A dying man in Singapore who had come to love Ajahn Brahm's talks asks to speak with him; his sister gets through and Ajahn Brahm talks with him on a couple of evenings. He dies…
Read full story
There was a Sri-Lankan lady. She's been listening to my talks a lot, I think she's been over here. And she called me. She had an emergency. During the Retreat time, you're not really supposed to receive many calls. She said 'Can you please help my brother? He's got a very, very bad blood cancer. We sent him to Singapore for treatment. But nothing is working. He's now paralyzed. He's only got a few days to live. Can you please talk to him?' So, of course, you don't worry about retreats and stuff. Of course you help out. So, for two evenings in a row I talked to him on the phone. And he was so weak. When he spoke to me he spoke very slowly and you had to listen very, very carefully to listen to what he was saying. But I gave him some advice about dying, and about letting go. And then the third night, he died... So I called him just in time, which is wonderful. Now, he was paralyzed, he could only.. they had to just... he could only just about speak. The next evening, his sister called me to tell me that he died the night before. But also to tell me: 'You won't believe this Ajahn Brahm This is absolutely true... that this morning, I got an email from him. Just saying 'Thank you'. And the email was sent about 6-8 hours after he died. The email, it's true, email from beyond the grave. So, you're actually wrong here, people actually do. They don't get cell phones, that's passé. That's the 20th century, i this is 21st century They send emails... Twitters, have you checked your Twitter account yet, to see if there's anything? So, now, I told people, 'Now I know what Gmail means'. 'Ghost mail
- Carrying coffins of dead momentsAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: He compares obsessing over the past to carrying coffins of dead moments: cultures bury or cremate the dead and walk on — do the same with past memories, good or bad, so the…
Read full story
Sometimes that I used to call the past by carrying so many coffins of dead moments from the past. One of the nice things about our culture, in all cultures, all traditions is that once a person dies they're buried or cremated, their bodies disposed of, we remember them, but we don't obsess with them, we walk on, we go forward. We never sort of linger too long in the past and that's the same with any past memories you have, good or bad, we try and let them go as fast as we possibly can
- Come have some sake — the old man on the trainStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Martial-arts student on a crowded Japanese train is about to fight a drunk who shoved a pregnant woman; an old man offers the drunk sake, speaks kindly of his late wife — the…
Read full story
Japan studying martial arts and of course real martial arts should only be used after training out of compassion not sort of using aggressively and he was in a crowded train and he knew I forget what particular martial arts it was Taekwondo or when it was karate but anyway he was highly sort of skilled in that art but you know had some restraints only use it for kindness or for personal training but he saw this drunken Japanese guy come on the train and just push his way past the pregnant woman the pregnant woman fell on the floor and he thought that this now is a justification he can actually show off his martial arts so he went up to this guy and this guy sort of squared up to him and you know he said you shouldn't do that and he said I'm going to teach you some manners and it's about to be a fight and this Old Gentleman in the back of the the train so came up touched this drunken man on the shoulder and said come and have some sake with me had a little bottle with him and so the drunkard you know would always like some more sake so he left the American the martial arts expert alone and sat down on a chair with him and he started saying something like you know my wife who passed away some time ago we always used to sit out in the afternoon in the late evening having little sake together it said it with much kindness and this drunken man started to cry and he said his wife too had died only a few months ago and he was so depressed and upset he'd lost his job and that's why he took solace in alcohol and saying the story there why the violence started finding another way of dealing with it
- Floating above the paddy fieldsStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: An Australian soldier in Vietnam, going to help an injured mate, steps on a landmine that blows off his legs. After the intense pain, he wrote, he found himself floating above…
Read full story
that was a story of one of the state mp no the government in peace a long time ago and now what was his name again but anyway he was in vietnam during the vietnam war australian soldier and he was helping one of his colleagues who was injured and as he went to help his colleague he stepped on a land mine and blew off his uh his legs and because he blew off his legs he described what happened next i remember reading the article which he wrote about this experience obviously immense pain but the next thing he noticed was so intense pain the next thing you notice in his words which i can always remember was floating above the paddy fields of vietnam without a care in the world one of the most happy peaceful blissful experiences of his life and of course this was written by a politician who was always trustworthy come on when they talk about worldly things maybe you can doubt what they're actually saying but this was actually real honestly describing what he felt one of the most blissful peaceful experiences of his life but then he recalled that his wife back here in perth had just given birth to his first child a son and the thought came up it is not a kind thing just to die for his wife who had just given birth he had to come back for her so he next thing he noticed was being pulled back into his body and when he was in his body it was enormous pain again so much that he uh fainted and when he came to again he was in the hospital getting treated starting the long journey to um being a recovery he had to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life and apparently that because of him in the federal parliament in canberra they did make sure there was adequate wheelchair access for everybody but anyway the important part of that story was just what happened when he left his body the first initial shock of the explosion which blew his legs off so peaceful so blissful so joyful
- Grandma's chips, any timeStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Young Ajahn Brahm could visit his grandmother any time of day or night and she'd cook him chips. His mother scolded her for spoiling his appetite; Grandma said if he wants chips,…
Read full story
My grandma I could go at any time of the day or night and she'd always cook me some chips. English. Okay. My mother would tell her off, you know, you know your my son is he won't eat his meal. It's bad for himself. And grandma said no. If he wants chips, he gets chips any time of the day. It wasn't the chips which I loved. It was just her unconditional love.
- 'It's nice to cry'Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A woman who comes to the Buddhist Society told Ajahn Brahm about her mother, who went every week to Chinese tear-jerkers in which boy meets girl but never gets her — the family…
Read full story
There is a lady who comes here, she's not here this evening, thank goodness [audience laughter], but she once told me that her mother would always love going to see these weepy movies, these Chinese movies and she described them to me. Apparently the Chinese movies, there's enough people here from Malaysia, Singapore here, Hong Kong that you know what I'm talking about -- boy meets girl, but boy never gets girl! Either the family or the Imperial Army or some other tragedy gets in the way [audience laughing] and in the end, boy and girl, are killed or separated. And they know that's going to happen! Every movie is the same. It's always a sad ending. So her mother would come back from the weekly trip to the movies, with red eyes, she'd been crying all the way through, all the way home, and she asked, "What the heck you do that for?" "Ah, 'cause it's nice to cry. It's so sad and so enjoyable to feel sad.
- Peter already knew — Mom had just visitedStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Peter in Australia answers the phone: sister says Mom's dead. He already knows and is not upset — Mom's mind-made form had just visited, smiling, giving love one last time across…
Read full story
having a cup of tea, Peter, and then telephone rang. Answered the telephone. Good. He says, "Sister, Peter, we've got some bad news for you." Yeah, I know. Mom's dead. What? How do you know? How come you're not upset? That's when Peter told his sister that his mom had just visited him. It's important you can't do that in just 1 second all the way from UK. It's a mile away in Australia in 1 second or less than that. He just was there, clear, just smiling, giving the love to him one last time
- She came back to see what her husband was up toStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A retreat participant tells how, dying in hospital while her husband raced to reach her, she was out of her body having a blissful time — and came back only because she wondered…
Read full story
I just remember one lady saying, "Oh, it was just so blissful and beautiful being out of my body," she was in a hospital with some terrible sickness. Her husband was racing to the hospital to try and catch her before she died, but she had already died, she was away having a wonderful time, but then she came back when she was wondering what her husband was up to. [laughter] I mean in a good way, I'm not saying that he was playing around, but you know whether he was worrying about her, whether he was coming, that brought her back. She told us afterwards, "That was the most wonderful experience of my life." I said, "Yeah, probably you like everybody else who's had those experiences are no longer afraid of death." "Yes," she said "I'm not afraid of death. Why should you be afraid of death when you know it's gonna be nice?
- Surrounded in Burma: “Sit down and make a cup of tea”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: An older fellow teacher tells young Ajahn Brahm how, as a frightened WWII conscript in Burma, his patrol was surrounded by Japanese troops; he wanted to fight out heroically, but…
Read full story
It was a story of the guy who was a soldier in Burma during the 2WW. This was a fellow school teacher in the one year I was a school teacher. This guy told me this story is very old about to retire. Because he had been drafted into the British Army during the Second World War and sent to Burma to fight Japanese and he wasn't a military man, he was like just a schoolteacher. Everybody had to join up in those days. So he found himself fighting a war in a foreign country which he didn't really understand with real bullets and he was very very afraid and what happened one day he told me that his fear got reached its peak. When he was out on patrol in the jungles with a small group of fellow British soldiers. And the captain or other Scout came back to tell them the news that they had stumbled into a huge number of Japanese troops. They were vastly outnumbered and now they were surrounded and there was no way out. He thought he was going to die. This was war, surrounded by the enemy, outnumbered, about to die. Now those of you have ever known people who've fought in wars or battles you will know from the tales of soldiers that no one ever knows who's going to be the hero and who's going to be the coward. These big strong guys sometimes in those terrible situations they just fall apart where these little guys you know you never think will be the hero stand out for the occasion and they become tall they're the heroes and this was this guy he said he had all this great heroism coming through his system, he decided to be the hero. He told the captain ''let's fight our way out''. the chances of anyone surviving, a zero but who knows sometimes you know somebody might survive, they certainly survive in the movies but against all the odd. Who knows? And anyway, even if we do all die we take some the enemy with us into death. That's the heroic thing to do that's what real men do. So he wanted to fight his way out. But his captain said no, we will not fight our way out. That's an order. and they had to follow that order instead said the captain I order you to all sit down and make a cup of tea and I often say at this point. It was the British army after all. And he couldn't believe this order ‘make a cup of tea ‘ when we're surrounded by Japanese troops at war, outnumbered, about to die. How could you think of having a cup of tea but an order was an order they had to follow it, he thought this was the craziest thing he'd ever done in his whole life. It was to save his life because what happened by the time even before they'd made their cup of tea the Scout came back whispers something in in the captain’s ear and the captain got all the troops together and said the Scout has said the enemy has moved there is a way through, put your stuff away quickly we can crawl through this gap and all escape and of course they all did. Which is why he could tell the story and he said he'd owe his life not just once but many times the wisdom of that captain when there's nothing to do when you're surrounded and about to die what should you do? Sit down and have a cup of tea, if you prefer coffee, coffee will do. I don't care, sit down and enjoy some honey because you know that things change the surrounding army never stays still they move and when they move if you have a scout called mindfulness awareness it will see gaps in the surrounding forces it will see a way through which wasn't there before, a way to escape. And if you've waited you'll find that gap and you will escape. The trouble with most people when surrounded by the enemy about to die when things are really going wrong. we just lose it, we get upset, we get angry, we get depressed. We don't know how to have a cup of tea and enjoy ourselves just before we're about to die and then we find we don't die. We enjoy ourselves, we wait situation changes and then we can make our move and escape with our life he said later on he had cancer, terminal cancer. He thought he was about to die, he remembered that story about when he was a soldier surrounded by the enemy, no hope by these tumors or whatever else he had. He didn't tell me what cancer it was and what did he do. Just relax and had a cup of tea and didn’t worry about anything. That's what he learnt in the jungles of Burma. Maybe because he didn't worry because he had tea and I know that tea has lots of T cells and T cells are supposed to (inaudible) you know it’s tea and T- cells. Okay, I'm not a doctor or medicine man. (Laughter) Why, the doctors are going crazy but no, he had a cup of tea just relaxed because he didn't worry the cancer vanished he saved his life he found a way through.
- The glass is already crackedAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Chah's simile, holding up a glass: it has a microscopic crack — the crack of impermanence. Because it will break if dropped or kicked, we care for it; if it were…
Read full story
This was a simile I just, I don't know, I give this every other week. The glass is cracked. Can you see the crack in the glass? I gave this at a funeral recently. Can you see the crack in the glass in the front? Because the crack is microscopic, that's why you can't see it. But it's there, this actually came from Ajahn Chah, this story. The crack is there because if I drop this or someone else kicks it, it will break. It's the crack of impermanence, anicca. I know this won't last. Because this won't last, because it's impermanent, that's why I care for it. I can't kick it or mistreat it, it will break. But if this was plastic, if it was unbreakable, permanent, I wouldn't need to care for it. I could kick it, drop it, squash it and it would just rebound again, being unbreakable. It's because it's breakable, that's why we care. Because relationships won't last. They're cracked from the very beginning, that's why we care for them. Always looking after them, just like we look after this cup or this glass, because we know it's fragile. Your body is fragile, it's cracked. One day it will break, you will die, that's why we care for it. So the idea of marriage, divorce, being karmic, it's because we never realise that match is cracked, we should have taken better care of it.
- The half sheet of paperStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At an old man's funeral his widow holds up half a sheet of paper he kept in his wallet all his life. In grade school, as two factions of boys were about to fight, the teacher…
Read full story
This was a story which I read of a funeral service, where the widow of this old man who had died, when she was giving the eulogy. They try to say a few words about the person who has died and some of the important things which happened to them in their life. And during the eulogy the widow, she held up half a sheet of paper. And she said: "My husband got this sheet of paper, when he was at grade school, before I even met him. And this peace of paper he kept in his wallet all his life and it saved him from getting angry so many times. And he told me the story of it. He said that, when he was in grade school, there was a big argument with two fractions of boys. And when it got so bad in the classroom there's about to be you know a fight. And the teacher ordered them, sit down! And get out your exercise books. In those days the discipline was strong enough, they would actually follow what the teacher said. Maybe these days, you known, been charging your luck. But anyway, they had to sit down, they were really angry, the fight would probably be delayed until after the recess, but they had to get out their exercise books. And the teacher said tear out one sheet from your books. Get out a ruler and draw a vertical line down the middle. On the top of the paper put down the name of the boy in this class you hate the most. And they all did that very easily now on the left-hand side of that line write down the reason why you're so angry at them. And they did that. Now, said the teacher, on the other side of the line, on the right-hand side, write down something you respect about that person. Things you admire about them. That was a very difficult thing for them to do. It took them a long time but they had to complete that. Now said the teacher, fold that peace of paper in half along that line. Tear it down that line very carefully. I'm now gone come around with a trash can. The left-hand sides put in the trash can. The right-hand sides, with the reasons you admire that boy, who's your biggest enemy, go and hand it to them. And the widow said: This is the peace of paper, my husband got from the boy who is his biggest enemy in that class. The one, who hated him the most. Who's so angry at him. Saying all the things he admired in my husband. And he kept that with him all his life, to stop him getting angry.
- The monkey who knocked on the monk's doorStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: An old monk living alone in a bamboo-and-thatch hut deep in the jungle hears a knock one night. At the door is a monkey from the forest holding her dead baby, as if asking him to…
Read full story
And there was a story this old monk told me. This old monk was he told some wonderful stories. He was living by himself in a bamboo and thatch hut in the middle of the jungle many years ago. He said even one evening late at night there was a knock on his door and he who's knocking on the door. No one comes here at nighttime. And he said that when he opened the door there was a a monkey who was holding a little dead baby. a dead baby monkey in her arms. And he realized this was one of the the monkeys in the forest around him who had lost her kid. And what does the monkey know what to do? He gave it to the monk or she gave it to the monk almost asking the monk, "Can you do something to bring my baby back to life?" And the monk just, you know, looked at the the baby monk. It was dead. no possibility of reviving it. But at least did some chanting and after doing the little chanting for the baby monkey gave the little baby back to its mom and the m monkey just obviously had very wet eyes just went away. which is like how sort of people live in the forest a long time. Actually, you actually the animals get to know you and somehow other this griefstricken mother monkey thought that maybe the monk could do something but it couldn't.
- The truckload of dungAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: You come home to find a truckload of manure dumped in front of your door. You didn't order it and no one saw the truck, so you're stuck with it. You can carry it around in your…
Read full story
because that was relating to a particular story that if you do have shit happens to you in life, you can dig it in and you can make these beautiful things out of the most unpleasant aspects of your life, there's always something you can do. Now I use that as an extreme example to show that when these things happen to you or happen nationally, the law of kamma means stop thinking why this happened and do something about it. Dig it in, yeah, it's tough to do, but the alternative which is in that story "who ordered the truckload of dung", is people carry the shit around with them in their pockets. And you find if you carry dung and smelly shit in your pockets or your bags you lose a lot of friends, and you understand what I mean by this.. When people really get depressed, angry and upset about what happens to them in life, no one likes to be around you, that's not the way to deal with these problems
- The tsunami ghost who gave a phone numberStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Three days after the 2004 tsunami, a Thai woman in Krabi dreams of a battered English girl from Phi Phi who names the Bangkok temple where soldiers have just laid her body, asks…
Read full story
True Story 3 days after the tsunami hit Thailand there was a Thai girl who lived in the town of gby had a dream in the middle of the night and the dream was of this English girl coming up to her but this English girl her hair blonde hair was all tangled and tousled and her face she must have been quite a young girl 19 20 or whatever was all bruised and gashed and her body was all broken with huge gases and blood in it IM made see that this bloody bruised corpse coming to in your dream but because it's in a dream you know you're too sleepy for actually to be too afraid and the ghost kept saying help me help me help me and the ghost said I was on peee Island when the wave hit I'm dead and at this moment she said Tai soldiers are lifting up my body and they're placing me in a temple a Buddhist temple in Bangkok and she said the name of that Temple and my mother who lives in London is desperately trying to call me on my mobile phone but my phone is at the bottom of the ocean please help me can you do two things for me said the ghost first I want a Buddhist funeral I'm not a Buddhist but I want a Buddhist clation can you arrange that for me this is my name this is the temple where my body is right now and number two can you please ask my mother not to come until the cation is over I don't want her to see me like this please can you do this for me and here is my mother's telephone number and she gave this long list of digits after which this TIG girl woke up middle of the night she was married to an English man maybe that's why this Ghost came to see her so she woke up her husband and told her the dream which she had perfect recall of and the husband was surprised because the telephone number was a legitimate London phone number so he said call it she said no call him so they rang the number middle of the night in Thailand late afternoon early evening in London a woman picked up that phone it's true story woman picked up that phone after a short conversation it was the mother of a girl who was missing on people Island it was that ghost mother the name description was perfect so the mother was thankful at least now she knew for sure what she expected deep in her Hearts if you are a mother sometimes you can feel whether your child is alive or dead when they go missing so she gave permission for them to do the funeral service and to let her know when it was completed so she could come and collect her daughter's ashes the next morning they went to puket found the temple found the body got permission through the ceremony and cremated the corpse it said that to the body looked exactly as it did in the dream and having done the creation the mother from London came on an aircraft from Heath Road they met at puket airport handed over the ashes cried and then the mother went home and the tig girl went home with her husband to graby and a couple of nights later they had another dream and in this dream the girl came to the this English girl came to this tire girl again in a dream but this time her hair was Immaculate as if she'd been to Elizabeth ardens or something I don't know are they still in business Elizabeth ardens been a long time since I went 20 hairdresser I do my own but I the best hairdresser in town just beautiful hair and her face no bruises no Cuts as if she had like makeover and her dress white and shiny Immaculate and she said in a dream look what's happened to me look what you've done for me I'm a Heavenly being an angel thank you so much for arranging that ceremony for me and thank you so much for letting my mother know I've come here one more time to say thank you to you thank you so much to express my gratitude said this angel in the dream here is another set of numbers which she also remembered when she woke up but they never tried to dial those numbers cuz if you all suspect that was not a phone number that was a lottery number which won and they made quite a substantial amount of money and that is a true story the mor of that story is if ever you see a ghost don't run away yet ask it for some numbers first and then run like hell we going to do dream don't get afraid come on let's have some numbers please but remember because you heard that story in DCA Buddhist center 10% of your winnings should should go to the temple
- The villages without griefStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Living nine years at a Thai cremation-ground monastery, Ajahn Brahm saw villagers bring their dead without grieving, which contradicted everything he had learned about loss.
Read full story
the monastery I was staying most of the time was a cremation ground. So all the villagers in the local area used that place for the funerals. So we'd do the funeral, we'd see all the villagers, they'd come, bring their dead, we'd do all the chanting and the services, we'd see them that afternoon, that evening, the next day. And there was something very strange, there was no grief, they just didn't cry, not just cry, they weren't even sad when somebody died. This was not suppressing their grief because you saw them every day, they just, wasn't there, it was a culture in which grief was absent and that really shocked me, and I was there nine years so this was no just, short visit, and I thought that was impossible because my learning had said that when you lose someone you love you have to have grief. The truth of the matter, there was no grief there.
- The whole household had the same dreamStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: The daughter of the monastery treasurer, in her twenties, dies of cancer. Some time later he arrives at dawn: at breakfast one daughter mentioned dreaming that her dead sister…
Read full story
because this lady died in Thailand. She and her father was a treasurer of our monastery. So, uh we knew she was dying, you know, cancer. She's a very young lady in her 20ies. Tried everything to look after her, but she eventually died. So, I knew the day she died, you know, we did the funeral ceremony for her. And it was, you know, sometime later, her father came really early in the morning and he actually came to speak with me and said, "Why are you coming to the monastery so early?" And he said, "Look, I had to come. I came on the first possible vehicle because something weird happened this morning." And he said that we were having our breakfast like in Asia, sitting on the floor with all the the dishes in front of you. And there was about 12 or 13 people or 14 people in the house. And he said, "My one of my other daughters, you know, just chatting around mentioned, I said, I had a really strange dream last night. I dream my sister came to me in my dream and said that she'd spent enough time here now she was taking leave and going and at that everybody stopped eating and one by one every person in that house said they had the very same dream same dream no difference and so you know the father the head of the house came to see me and said what happened obviously she's taken leave it's time for her to go and because I knew the whole family so well and the whole circumstance dances. Straight away I looked at the calendar and it was exactly 49 days.
- The wild horse that kissed the coffinStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Gerald in Hong Kong sent a photo-story: a man tamed a wild horse with only kindness and patience — no hitting or starving — until the horse would greet him with a mouth-kiss.…
Read full story
there was a horse which no one could actually tame a wild horse and he decided to give it a try but not training it by hitting it or starving it or punishing it in any which way but just being patient and being kind and of course it took him a long time but after a while this horse you know would allow him to ride on on the horse's back became like an ordinary horse people thought it could never be they used the word broken that's a terrible word to use to break a horse he just used kindness and patience and this horse you know would always you know be this guy's friend would would greet him you know when he would come home from some other business he would greet him by actually putting his mouth on the on the mouth of this owner was actually kissing him but then unfortunately after so many years the owner died and passed away and this guy in hong kong gerald sent this beautiful photograph with the story of when this guy was in the coffin dead the horse came up and kissed his friend kissed the coffin obviously even that horse recognized that this that was his friend i just gave it one last kiss and this is those sorts of stories