Stories about unconditional love
9 Buddhist wisdom stories about unconditional love from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- All his questions vanished before Ajahn TateStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Tate, a famous monk once sent home from hospital to die of cancer (he lived another 25 years), is so revered that young Ajahn Brahm waits two days for an appointment, full…
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I went to visit this famous monk called Ajahn Tate in Sri Chiangmai on the Mekong River over in Nong Khai Province, the north of Thailand. He was supposed to be an amazing monk. In fact, when I first became a monk, he was dying of cancer. He was in the main hospital being looked after by the King of Thailand because he was a famous monk. And the doctor said okay, waste of time looking after you anymore, there’s nothing more we can do, you’re going to die. So he said, well I might as well die in my temple in Bangkok. So he went back to his temple and he died about 25 years later. [laughter] And he was an amazing monk and of course he had such a good reputation that, I could speak Thai, and I just wanted to go to these great masters and ask all my questions. It was just like, you know, we all have these questions inside of us, you get these incredibly wise beings and you just wanted to ask questions from someone who knows what they’re talking about. And so, you know, he was very famous, had to make an appointment, went up there, spent about two days waiting. When I went into his room, and you know what happened, all the questions totally vanished. My mind was so blank but what I felt instead, was this incredible, and I mean just this incredible unconditional love. I was a young monk. I still had my fantasies, my defilements and all that sort of stuff. And this guy he loved me for who I was, I didn’t have to become enlightened. I didn’t have to sort of be a good monk. I didn’t have to clean up my act. You felt totally accepted for who you were with all your faults. And that’s the feeling I had. As soon as I got a feeling like that, the next feeling I had, I don’t want to move, I want to stay in here. for the rest of my life. I’m not going anywhere because it was such a beautiful feeling of having this total, absolutely hundred percent acceptance. This guy would not criticize me at all and he never would.
- Grandma's chips, any timeStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Young Ajahn Brahm could visit his grandmother any time of day or night and she'd cook him chips. His mother scolded her for spoiling his appetite; Grandma said if he wants chips,…
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My grandma I could go at any time of the day or night and she'd always cook me some chips. English. Okay. My mother would tell her off, you know, you know your my son is he won't eat his meal. It's bad for himself. And grandma said no. If he wants chips, he gets chips any time of the day. It wasn't the chips which I loved. It was just her unconditional love.
- “I never stopped loving you, George”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Cockney friend of the monastery leaves his wife of about 40 years for a much younger woman; his wife is devastated. Some years later, split from the second partner, he visits…
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Just one which comes to my mind. This man, he was a good friend. He used to come to our monastery. He’s a bit of a Cockney. I was the only one who could really understand him when he came to our monastery. And, you know, after a while he decided he wanted to leave his wife. And he found another a girl much younger than him and he divorced his wife, went to live with this other girl. You know, he broke up. His wife was devastated. But later on, you know after three or four, five years, he was a good guy, you know he sort of split from this second wife. And about that time his first wife got very sick. And he went to visit her in hospital and held her hand when she died. She said “even though you left me, I never stopped loving you, George. I’d always forgive you.” And when I heard that, I thought, wow, that wife you had and he said, “I was so wrong to, to have, left you. I was stupid. I didn’t realise just how beautiful your love was. It was unconditional, even though I caused you pain. And just after about 40 years of marriage, I decided to, you know, go with somebody else.” I know the other girl, she’s a really good girl. You know you can’t really criticise people. But, that woman he married first of all, she was, she understood what love was, totally unconditional and forgiving.
- Meeting the monk who could read mindsStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: As a very young monk Ajahn Brahm is afraid to meet a reputed mind-reader in case his thoughts are exposed. When he finally goes, he feels so completely accepted and loved —…
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you know I was really afraid once it was this monk this monk who was supposed to be very very powerful could read minds and people actually told me examples he he was doing this to other people and I was only a very young monk at the time I said you want to see this monk I said no thank you you I was afraid he'd read my mind and find out what I was really thinking about and tell other people do you want your mind red really red and me tell you all the things you're thinking about or thought about today all your weird fantasies and ideas oh no thank you but what actually happened you know I've got the courage to see this MK and straight away you know my mind was so peaceful because this mon was so kind so kind and accepting and even though I was a really young monk you know full of all defilements and just not trained at all it felt so accepted it felt so accepted that was one of the first times I just wanted to sit down and never leave I just want to stay there forever CU it's so rare to be with a person who accepts you 100% totally without any criticism at all and I knew I wasn't perfect I knew I had lots and lots of faults and I knew he knew that too because he was going to love me unconditionally anyway that's just a wonderful feeling there you are a person who is going to feed all my faults not with anger get out you don't belong you're not good enough which is yeah you're not perfect that's good enough it was a beautiful moment of spiritual peace being with someone who would just accept you and that's why I just wanted to be there forever unfortunately there's many other people wanted to be there forever as well so they got got kicked out for the next person to coming
- Puppies for young offendersStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Brahm reads that Western Australia gave repeat juvenile offenders, aged 16 or 17 and beyond the reach of counsellors, a puppy each to train. Every session the puppy jumped…
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I read it in the newspaper in the local Western Australia. There's some really smart person here in this state, there're lots of smart people in government. Rare, but there are some. [laughter] Decided to take some of these juvenile offenders who got into all sorts of trouble with the law. Instead of like bagging them up in a jail again, or giving them counsellors because sometimes the counsellors can't do anything either. Instead, they gave them dogs. They assign every one of these really bad juvenile offenders, a little puppy to look after, to train. And the results were incredible. And they were saying instead of like a counsellor, another human being. Yeah, they've been there. They've done that. They went to sort of to that little puppy little dog to train and to get to know and every time they went to this session with their puppy, the puppy would jump all over them and lick them. No counsellor ever does that. [laughter] Not even a monk does that. I'm not going to lick you. But, these dogs would do that. And they just melted some of these really repeated offenders. And they were just only 16 or 17 and gone through just a lot, a lot of therapies, and that really got to them.
- Seven monks in a caveStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Seven monks practise loving-kindness in a jungle cave: the abbot, his brother, his best friend, his 'enemy', a very old monk, a very sick monk, and the useless monk who snores,…
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And that was the story of the seven monks meditating in a cave. This is in the Opening the Door of Your Heart. And I had great fun telling this story when I was in the USA a couple of years ago, and listening to me was a bishop, an Episcopalian bishop, Similar to an Anglican bishop. I told this because I was feeling a little bit cheeky, See if I can catch him out, and he fell into the trap, but he thanked me for it afterwards. And he said, can I please use this in my sermon? I said, oh, please do. And it was this story of the seven monks meditating in a cave. They were meditating on loving-kindness which I hope you all know, May all beings be happy and well. May all beings without distinction, without discrimination on species or race, gender, sexual orientation, my loving-kindness goes to everyone. And the seven monks meditating in this cave, listen carefully because there's a question coming at the end. And if you've heard it before, you have to promise to please shut up. Don't spoil my fun. So, the seven monks were the head monk, the boss, the abbot. The second monk was his best friend. They'd grown up together, they loved each other, just like the third monk who was his brother. They loved each other. The fourth monk, however, even though they ordained, was an, he called him his enemy. They just had personality clash, they just didn't get on. Even though they were really good people, they just, you know, whenever one said one thing, it just always grated on the other. You know, really good people, they still can't get on. I see that quite often when people come to marriage counselling. Really good people, why don't you get on? There's something I still can't understand. You see the woman, the wife, she's just a beautiful girl, known her a long time. See the guy, amazing fellow, just be getting into bad habits, that's all. So this was a typical bad habit, this monk, two monks, didn't get on together. And the fifth monk, number five, was a very old monk. He's so old, so advanced in years. he could die any day. Just waiting for just his last breath. And the next monk was also, he was a sick monk, very ill, so ill, they never thought he would recover, no monk would know who was going to die first, the old monk or the sick monk. They were both at the end of their life. And the last monk, number seven, is what we call the useless monk. The useless monk, whenever they tried to meditate, he would always be the first one to fall asleep, which wasn't that bad, but he'd snore really loudly. Whenever they did any chanting, he would always chant out of key, if he could remember the words anyway. And even when he was wearing his robe, his robe always tended to fall off. I wonder what that useless monk is. And he was a useless monk, and as I often say when I mention this part of the story, and this is actually true, every monastery has one. (audience laugh) You can find out who it is. (audience laughs) No... He's a good monk. (laughter) He's supposed to be my attendant for the weekend. If I didn't say that, he wouldn't feed me. Look after me. Ask Ayya Hasapanna Nunneries as well, the same, they always have the useless one. Anyway, and the useless monk was number seven. And what happened next was this gang of robbers, these thieves, they found this cave deep in the jungle, and they thought, this is a great place for our hideout. After we've robbed and maybe killed, we can take all of our loot, all of our stolen goods into this cave. And they didn't have money laundering in those days. I was going to say sort of overseas banks, Panama, but I bet I'll get in trouble for that. So they didn't have overseas banks in those days, so they just had to hide their ill-gotten goods. This is a brilliant place to hide our goods. And also, they found it first. So, let's kill all the monks, so none of the monks can say the location of this cave to the police. That was what they wanted to do. But the senior monk, the senior monk was such a great talker, so convincing, if he hadn't taken the robes, he could have been the treasurer of a country like ours. I better not go further on that one either. So, the senior monk managed to talk and convince the head of the thieves to letting all the monks go except one. Because the only reason he wanted to kill everybody, or kill all the monks, is so they didn't tell where the location of the cave was. So the head monk said, look, we're monks, we keep our promises, we won't tell the location of the caves, let us go. And the head bandit said, no, I've got to be sure, I'm going to make an example, I'm going to kill one of the monks in front of the rest of you, in front of the other six, as a warning. Because if you tell the location of this cave, we'll find you, we'll come for you, and the same will happen to you. And that's the best deal the head monk could do. That one of them had to be killed in front of the others, so the rest could go free. So now the question is, who was chosen? And before you answer, I've got to go through the list again. Head monk, brother, best friend, enemy, old monk, sick monk, both at the end of their lives anyway, it was a day or two, 60, 70 years matter. And lastly the useless monk, and the useless monk had never done anything for anybody, never done any good karma in his whole life, maybe this was his chance. So if you were the head monk, who would you choose? Answer? If you know the answer, please be quiet, don't spoil it. Who did he choose? Thank you for that wrong answer because that's what the bishop said. (laughter) And when I tell the story, that's what most people say. He sacrificed himself. And that is the wrong answer but there's a reason why I tell this story which is coming up soon. Any other suggestions? Who else? Anyone for the useless monk? yeah, there at the back, I thought that. No, of course not. The answer is, those people who have heard the story know, it's a very good story once you find out what the answer is and why the meaning of telling this story. The answer was that the head monk's love for his brother was no more, no less than the love for the best friend. If you love two people just the same, you just can't choose between them. And his love towards the enemy was no more, no less than the other two. Even the old monk and sick monk and the useless monk, he loved everybody equally, he just couldn't judge between them, no matter who they were and what they did. His love was unconditional, all beings, no matter what gender, what race, what religion, what they did or what they didn't do, his love was given to everybody equally. And most importantly, his love towards himself was no more, no less than his love to all the other six monks. And that's where I told the Bishop, I said, didn't your teacher, Jesus, tell you to love your neighbour as yourself? He said, yeah, doesn't that mean to love yourself as your neighbour? No more, no less, that's what the word "as" means, to love your neighbour as yourself means to love yourself as your neighbour, equally Yes, he said, he gave me the Buddhist respect. He said that's why he wants to teach that in his sermons.
- “The door of my house will always be open to you”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Remembering his father, dead almost 50 years, at a Thai New Year merit ceremony: when he was 13, his poor father stopped his old green second-hand car near Churchfield Road in…
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At least I remembered my mother and especially my father just how much he taught me. Even though he's been dead 50 years now, actually 50 years next month. I'll never forget him, never will. Especially some of the beautiful things he said to me. One of which was that great story which fits in here. Taking me aside in his old second-hand, just about managing to go, car, it would probably be banned from the roads if it was on the roads in West Australia these days. He was a very poor man. Taking me aside, I still remember the place, in Acton, just off Churchfield Road, I remember it just to this day. I'm looking at it now, even the colour of the car was green. And he stopped the car, turned around to me and he said, son, whatever happens to you in your life; I was about 13 at the time. whatever happens to you in your life, however you turn out, please I want you to remember this. You know I did remember this so clearly. He said, whatever you do in your life, wherever you go, however you turn out, the door of my house will always be open to you. It will always be open to you. I'll never shut the door in your face. You always welcome. Only 13. Didn't really understand how deep that meaning was. Only later on when you became a monk. One of the nice things about being a monk or a nun, especially as the young monk or nun, you have so much time, you can reflect, figure things out, understand what these things mean. And that's where, in Thailand, I remembered that and understood what it meant was the door of his heart was open to me. Not his house, his heart. Oh that was such a beautiful, beautiful teaching. It was unconditional love. Telling me, son, whatever you do, you turn out to be a criminal, you turn out to be something which most people will be embarrassed about, but not me. The door of my heart is always open to you. You're my son, that's enough. Whatever you do.
- The three rings of marriageJoke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Wedding joke: the three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring — and the suffer-ring. Told here with the audience supplying 'suffering' and him correcting it…
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What are the three rings of marriage? You remember that story? The three rings of marriage. First ring of marriage is the engagement ring. Second ring. Dennis knows this one because he used to be the marriage settlement of the Buddhist society. Did this many times. I even remember once when we did a marriage and we just he was just about to declare the husband and wife uh husbands and wives your marriage is complete. Then I had to nudge him. Do you remember that Dennis? When I nudge you said you forgot to exchange the rings. Oh yes thank [laughter] you. But anyway we did that before you actually declared them husband and wife. So thank you Dennis. But anyway, the second ring of marriage is the wedding ring. And what's the third ring of ma marriage? I can't hear you. You say suffering. No, Dennis. Caring. [laughter] I've changed to become more soft in my old age.
- “This is my son, the monk”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: On his first visit home after seven years as a monk, when monks in London were seen as weirdos, Ajahn Brahm asks to join his mother on her Saturday shopping, expecting her to be…
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My own story, it’s my own mother’s love for the kid. I went to visit my mother for the first time after seven years as a monk, that’s thirty three years ago, what year would that be, 1980 something and you know, this was time in London when monks weren’t cool. You know, we were just weirdos, real strange people. And so when I went to visit my mother, her weekly routine was, on a Saturday morning doing her shopping, (she was working as a secretary), so she hadn’t time to get sort of the groceries and other stuff while looking after the apartment. So Saturday morning, will be shopping time. Saturday afternoon going to the hairdressers, you know, routine. And I went all that way to spend time to hang out with my mother, haven’t seen her for seven years. So I asked, “Can I come with you, you know, on your shopping on a Saturday morning?” And I thought I was ready for her to say no because she might be ashamed to be seen with this son, dressed like a girl, brown robes, bald head, that was really weird. And of course, she said, “No, no, come.” And so, when we walked to the shops again, I thought she would, like teenagers walking a couple of metres in front of mom and dad, couple of metres behind, you know, I’m not associated with these, moms and dads aren’t cool. But no, she was right beside me. And then for those people who know London, the streets are very narrow, full of traffic, and they have a small side walk. And in order to protect the pedestrians on the pavement, the side walk from the traffic, they have railings and it’s the railings where, people when they enter the shops, they usually leave the prams with the kids inside and they tie the dogs there, and I thought that’s where my mother would leave me, [laughter] with the dogs and the babies, you know, not to take me inside the shop because I think these are her friends she sees every week. They know each other and she’d be embarrassed to see me, but no. She dragged me into the first shop, the news agents, where she got me some weekly magazines. And to my surprise, she introduced me “This is my son, the monk.” [laughter] She was proud of me and that was something I never expected because I never knew just the love of a mother for the son was what we call unconditional.