# “Sir, you're drunk” — “Madam, you're ugly”

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Joke
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-joke-drunk-and-ugly
- Themes: harsh speech, humour, ego
- Life situations: arguments, sarcasm, verbal sparring

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Ajahn Brahm tells the 'greatest put-down' he knows, which he attributes to Oscar Wilde: coming out of a bar completely drunk, at a time when drunkenness was a real stigma, he is told by a woman, “Sir, you're drunk.” He replies, “Madam, you're ugly — and the difference between us: in the morning I'll be sober.”

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

you can't beat that Oscar Wilde who's greatest put I ever heard: when he came out of some sort of nightclub or some bar, completely drunk, and of course this was a time when being drunk was even worse as a social stigma than it is today. Actually, probably in Australia it's not a social stigma at all. (audience chuckles) an accolade but anyway in those days, when being drunk was considered to be socially unacceptable, he came out drunk and this woman said to him "Sir, you're drunk" and he replied "Madam, you're ugly." (audience laughs) and the killing phrase was "the difference between us: in the morning I'll be sober.

## Teaching point

This is harsh speech — cutting and ego-driven; get into that game and someone sharper will always cut you down. Not the Buddhist way.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Ajahn Brahm calls it the greatest put-down he knows (it is usually credited to Churchill rather than Oscar Wilde), and then sets it aside. A sharp reply feels clever, but someone sharper is always waiting. Choose words that make friends, not winners. The world has enough division without our cleverness adding to it.

## Source

- [Talk Your Way To Happiness | Ajahn Brahm | 09-02-2007](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7d-KozmokQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 37:26 to 38:04: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7d-KozmokQ&t=2246s