Stories about identity
14 Buddhist wisdom stories about identity from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- “Don't you ever take away my suffering”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a grief and loss seminar at Observation City, Ajahn Brahm teaches his 'concert' way of letting go of grief: his father's 16 years with him were like a beautiful concert — be…
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when I went to a pain and loss conference many years ago, and there was a person, they were very…, her daughter was one of the, the victims of the Claremont killer. Anyway, after I gave her some really nice advice about how to let go of her pains, she came up to me, and she, nose to nose almost, she was so angry, she said, “How dare you try to take away my grief??”
- 'I claim my prize!'Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Sujato (he thinks) tells him: walking through Sydney in his robes, he is stopped by a man claiming his prize. A radio station is running a promotion — catch the guy in the…
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I actually think it was actually Ajahn Sujato told me that he was walk Was it Ajahn Sujato? I think it was Ajahn Sujato. He was walking through Sydney. And one of the radio programs, they had this promotion. If you catch the the guy wearing the funny suit through Sydney, he'll give you a special prize. And this this guy came up to him and said, "I claim my prize." And I just And I just said, "What are you talking about?" He said, "You're the guy from, you know, the 2 AX or something." "What are you talking about?" So, "Aren't you the fellow who's dressed in a funny suit and I ask the question and then I get the prize." I said, "No, I'm not. I really am a monk." See, that actually happened, you know.
- Married 25 years and strangers on holidayStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After about 25 years of marriage, when the last child leaves home, a couple take their first holiday alone together. One says afterwards it was a shock: “I didn't realise whom I…
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somebody, actually it's a person who is a old fellow member here, they told me that I think they had been married for about 25 years and the last of their children got married, so left home And there they were together, so went on a holiday together. First time they could go just the two of them and they came back afterwards and one of the partners said it was such a shock such a shock, I didn't realize whom I was married to all these years. Because for all those years they have been relating to each other as father and mother of their kids. Now their kids were out of the equation, the whole relationship, the whole identity changed. They had to rediscover each other again. It is amazing they had been married for so many years and they said they didn't know each other.
- The 'hopeless at maths' boy who came topStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: As a young schoolteacher, Ajahn Brahm is told a boy in his maths class is hopeless — he came bottom of three or four classes the year before. For the school year Ajahn Brahm…
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another case this was from this time I was a school teacher I love doing experiments some of them were maybe not fair but they were worth it because there was a kid in my maths class and the teachers told me he's hopeless at Mass he came bottom the year before of those about three or four classes in this school now is his math teacher for one year so I decided to find out whether it was because he can't do maths or there was some other reason so for 12 months I don't know nine months of the school year after every lesson I'd ask him did you understand that give him extra attention praise him when he got the thing right go to his desk you know doing the exercises and give him a bit of a hand really just give him special attention I say it was unfair because I never gave that attention to any other child in the class just this one boy because I wanted to see whether it was a case that a person just cannot do math or because they believe they can't do it and of course it was a second case because at the end of the year that boy came top I moved him from bottom to top just by giving him a belief
- The Biggest LoserStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Challenging the slur 'loser', Ajahn Brahm lists what he lost becoming a monk — money, girlfriends, possessions, a nice motorbike — sleeps on the floor with no phone or…
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look I admit I'm a loser I've lost so much becoming a Muk I lost all my money I lost my girlfriends I lost all my possessions I lost my motorbike had a really nice motorbike so really in this whole world because now look at me I just sleep on the floor you know I've just got no possessions I've got no super annuation I've got no TV I've got no mobile phone I've got nothing you know in this Australia you know I claim the title is The Biggest Loser because I've let go so much so why is it that people say you're a loser see people said look at me a from you're a loser say yes thank you so much it's wonderful being a loser come and join me
- The honey and the milkStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In parallel supermarket checkout aisles, at almost the same moment, one child drops a jar of honey and another drops a carton of milk — two big messes. One mother says, “You…
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And this was an example of the two children at the supermarket checkout, they were in parallel lanes. And almost exactly the same time, one child took out a carton of milk from the trolley, and he dropped it on the ground, and it went "splat" all over the floor, making a whole mess. And his mum said, "you stupid child". Almost exactly the same time in the parallel aisle, another child, they picked up the jar of honey. And it was slippy they dropped it. And they went "smash" all over the floor. But that mother, because she must have come to the Buddhist Society in Nollamara. That mother, she didn't say, "you stupid child". She said, "that was a stupid thing you did." And we emphasise the huge difference between those two responses. Now, if you examine it, you call, that's your "stupid child", it's as if they are totally stupid. They're, like, totally sort of corrupt, that when they were made, there must be some genetic malfunction that they are actually stupid. They're permanently stained with stupidity. And that's that first child. And many of you can recognise, such reactions when you make a mistake, and someone calls you stupid, someone calls you dumb. Someone calls you all these things. And what they're saying is, you're fatally flawed. There's nothing worth redeeming in you. And you know what it's like when that happens to you. You feel totally diminished, totally hopeless. You lose all your self esteem and that's no way to bring up a child. The other child received "that was a stupid thing you did". You're not a stupid kid. But, you had a moment of stupidity. And what that means is that you're recognising the truth, that was the sort of a silly thing to do to pick up that jar of honey making it all slippy. But, you're not a stupid person. There's more to you than that.
- The monk who gave the IT keynoteStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Though he says he knows little about computers, Ajahn Brahm accepts an invitation to give the keynote address at a World Computer Conference/Congress, simply because it is an…
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This is another thing which happened just today, I was checking the e-mail and I think I told some of you, if you got good memories that during the last retreat period I did take one invitation to leave the monastery and that was to go to this world computer conference in Brisbane. And the only reason I did that, I thought it was interesting I have never done that before. I am a monk okay I can get on a computer but I don't know anything about IT and there they asked me to give the keynote at the World Computer Conference in Brisbane last year. I thought that was interesting. That is a sort of challenge. I like doing weird things. So I rocked up there I gave a keynote and I just got the email they said from the organizers just this afternoon . And they said that was the most popular presentations. They put everything on the internet and that has been the most downloaded session and the President of the World Computer Society in Australia summarized it up and printed it out and published in the Australian, in the IT section. So there you go I am the expert on IT. Just the world renowned lecturer on IT.
- The priest who recognised Buddhist monksStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Early Australia: asks a Catholic priest if 'monk/nun' is alright; priest says yes — not for robes or bald heads but for poverty, service and surrender inside the robes.
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Catholic priest I got to know here say is it right are you happy that we call ourselves monks or nuns because that is like a Christian word and he said well look I've looked how you behave you know you ask simple you just have few possessions you know you're serving and being kind you have surrendered a lot he said we would recognize you as monks or nuns
- The sniffer dog at Perth AirportStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Back from an early trip to Sri Lanka, his robe smelling of spices and curries, Ajahn Brahm queues at Perth Airport passport control. The sniffer dog stops at him, buries its nose…
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that actually happened once I love telling this story I was coming back from Sri Lanka this is one of the early trips to Sri Lanka I don't know what's in Sri Lanka but they got so many scents and curries and you know sometimes you spill things on your robe so when I came through Perth Airport and was queuing up to the passport control and they were taking the sniffer dogs up the lines of passengers up and down up and down they go and when they came to me the dogs stopped and honestly buried his nose in my robe and was wagging its tail ferociously and the hand I tried to put it away it wouldn't go poor poor poor and when it was pulled away the person in front of me looked around and took a step further away from me now we're not traveling with this guy and a World Behind also and everyone was looking at me and then it takes in that you've been through Perth Airport it takes forever on these cues and lines and that gave them time to do a second check they came up again and the dog stopped again now everyone was really looking at me now and of course as soon as you got through the passport control come over here sir and they the Customs officer he was so fortunately you know I don't have suitcases just have my bag actually where is it actually I travel this is all I travel with so it's very easy have a look inside it just takes five minutes had a look inside and he said what's under your rope nothing ever Easter Flash because Navy got Zips and stuff it's so hard to actually turn to take off things I didn't have to take off I just open up and show them yeah it'd be good fun being a mark you could just be a bit you know a bit crazy because you're dressed crazy so people sort of expect it so anyway and afterwards you said well well why did the dog stop at you and I just started to explain about loving kindness and compassion and this Castle though I said get out of here get out of here
- The tomboy who was a boy beforeStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A girl of five or six is a stereotypical tomboy — hangs out with boys, beats them up — and says it is because she was a boy before. Brahm offers it as one of the rebirth cases…
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she was a typical really stereotypical tomboy never like to play with the girls always lose like hang out with the boys and beat them up you know it's only five six years of age really tomboy and it's obvious because you know it was a it was a girl I was a boy before so anyway there are cases like that
- The tribe that praises the wrongdoerStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Brahm recounts an email about a tribe untouched by other cultures: when someone does wrong — steals or hits someone — he stands in the centre of a circle of the whole…
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somebody sent me this interesting email the other day and it was some tribe which has you know been totally untainted by other cultures that in this try when anybody makes a mistake or does anything wrong or bad like steals or hit somebody or he stands in the center of this circle and all the members of the tribe stand around him he's done something bad but do they punish him no for two or three days he has to stand in the middle and they all tell him wonderful things about himself what a great person he is for three days when he's done something wrong
- Treat the part that is not schizophreniaStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Singapore schizophrenia-unit professor (Catholic): he doesn't treat schizophrenia — he treats the part of the patient that is not schizophrenic; results better than classical…
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professor of schizophrenia unit in Singapore mental health. Professor he was a Catholic but I asked him how do you treat schizophrenia in Singapore? I always remember this conversation because he said just as you explained AJ Brown I don't treat schizophrenia in a schizophrenia unit of the mental health campus I think was in woodlands over in the north part of Singapore and I said yeah what do you treat then he said the other part of that patient I treat the part which is not schizophrenic and I understood what he was talking about said excellent what's the what's the results he said so much better than classical treatment [snorts] there's no such thing as a schizophrenic is a person who has episodes which we recognize as schizophrenia treat the other part of them and that grows. [snorts] All those times which I went into prisons to teach, never ever saw a criminal
- Two monks tell each other who they areStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After a three-month rains retreat together, Ajahn Brahm and another Western monk sit down and tell each other what they think of each other. The description he hears of himself…
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I did a lovely experiment after when I was a monk I was spending three months in the range retreat with another Western Monk and at the end of The Retreat we sat down and we told each other what we thought of each other now honestly two monks and I was listening to his opinion of who he thought I was and it was totally different to anything I ever expected to see myself I heard myself described in another person's eyes that was not what I thought of myself and I did the same to him and he was gobsmacked too
- “You're taking away my grief”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After a talk at a grief-and-loss conference on letting go, a woman complains bitterly that Ajahn Brahm is taking away her grief — grief had become her identity and her source of…
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But one of the women afterwards, after hearing my talk, came up to complain bitterly. Her complaint was "Are you saying I shouldn't grieve? Are you saying it's wrong to grieve? You're taking away my grief," she complained For her, she had associated with grief and she became Mrs. Grief whatever her name was. But that's her persona, that's who she was. And she would go to many of those conferences and she'd get a lot of support from her friends. That's who she was and she was not willing to give it up.