# “Don't you ever take away my suffering”

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-grief-seminar-mother-scolded-him
- Themes: grief, attachment to suffering, identity, letting go
- Life situations: bereavement, loss of a child, long-term grief

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

At a grief and loss seminar at Observation City, Ajahn Brahm teaches his 'concert' way of letting go of grief: his father's 16 years with him were like a beautiful concert — be grateful you were there. Afterwards a woman blasts him: “Don't you ever tell me not to be grieving. Don't you ever try and take away my suffering again.” He believes she was the mother of one of the Claremont murder victims and had made an identity of being the grieving mother. He had unlocked the cell door, and she blamed him for it.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

when I went to a pain and loss conference many years ago, and there was a person, they were very…, her daughter was one of the, the victims of the Claremont killer. Anyway, after I gave her some really nice advice about how to let go of her pains, she came up to me, and she, nose to nose almost, she was so angry, she said, “How dare you try to take away my grief??”

## Teaching point

We can become attached to suffering and afraid to leave the prison of the past; first we must know that it should be let go.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

At a grief seminar, Ajahn Brahm suggested being grateful for a loved one's life like a beautiful concert, and a bereaved mother angrily told him never to take her grief away. Grief has its own pace and deserves respect. When you are ready, gratitude for the time you had can sit beside the pain, and slowly lighten it.

## Source

- [How to Be Happy in Solitude | Ajahn Brahm | 1 February 2019](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3e-XqXPvmFo) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 35:26 to 36:01: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3e-XqXPvmFo&t=2126s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Freedom: The Path To Happiness | Ajahn Brahm | 11-05-2007](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnY050r025I) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 3:46 to 11:14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnY050r025I&t=226s
- [Dealing with addictions | by Ajahn Brahm | 19 June 2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9eiGPAIyK8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 48:23 to 49:37: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9eiGPAIyK8&t=2903s
- [I Don't Own My Past | by Ajahn Brahm | 03 May 2013](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcSaCfuH-GU) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 5:24 to 9:15: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcSaCfuH-GU&t=324s
- [No Fear | Ajahn Brahm | 20-05-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIMWm5JnNrE) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 35:46 to 36:37: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIMWm5JnNrE&t=2146s
- [Being Afraid | Ajahn Brahm | 16 March 2018](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYHTHj4PGPU) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 32:41 to 34:09: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYHTHj4PGPU&t=1961s
- [A Taste of Freedom | Ajahn Brahm | 19-02-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y45j-FPRZ8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 32:28 to 33:51: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y45j-FPRZ8&t=1948s
- [Two Bad Bricks | Ajahn Brahm | 30 December 2022](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1Cy9NKk0WM) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:09:21 to 1:14:06: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1Cy9NKk0WM&t=4161s