Stories about fault-finding
11 Buddhist wisdom stories about fault-finding from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- 20,000 to one: the husband who lied onceStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After a talk in Malaysia a mathematics lecturer asks whether to divorce her husband because she discovered he lied. Ajahn Brahm does the statistics: three years, about 20,000…
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The classic tale was when I was teaching in Malaysia, and somebody asked me this question at the end of the talk. I have found out this morning my husband has lied to me. My husband has lied. I can't trust him anymore. Should I get divorced? She asked me whether she should get divorced. Quick I asked her what are you doing at this university. She was a lecturer on mathematics. So I saw an opportunity to answer her question, I asked how long have you been married, she said three years. I said let's do some statistics. Three years is maybe one thousand days. Lets say for the sake of this argument, let's assume that on average throughout your three years of marriage, your husband has said maybe twenty things to you every day, on average, which could be right, which could be wrong. So he's said twenty thousand statements to you since you've been married and now he's lied for the first time. The quantum probability theory on his past record, the next time he opens his mouth there is a twenty thousand to one chance he's telling the truth. What do you mean you can't trust him? [LAUGHTER] Isn't that pretty good odds, twenty thousand to one? If every time a politician opened their mouth with twenty thousand to one chance they're telling the truth, I'd vote for them, wouldn't you? They'd be trust worthy. But you can see what we've pointed out, that why is it that one lie, a real lie, they'd lied, why is that given so much prominence that everything else is totally forgotten and ignored? This is the stupidity of our human being which is just so fault finding and negative it hasn't got a balanced perspective on life. That lady wanted to destroy her marriage. Once I told her that story they stayed together.
- Complaining about the wallStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Walking from his mother's flat in London to give a talk, Ajahn Brahm passed two young men waiting for a bus, sitting on a wall topped with rounded bricks and complaining that…
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when I was visiting my mother in London some years ago and I was just walking from her apartment to a temple to give a talk, and I passed these two young men waiting for a bus. And they were sitting on a wall. But unfortunately, the wall was not flat, it was round bricks on the top. And they were complaining: ‘They should not allow walls to be built like this, they should all be flat’. But my goodness! You can complain about anything, what's wrong with that? At least you've got somewhere to put your bum on, you don't have to stand! Yeah, it may not be flat, but it's good enough - what do you want, all the walls, the garden walls, to be upholstered with cushions and backrests for you? [laughter] But you find that even in an advanced country, you can always find some fault.
- “If my daughter didn't have those faults…”Joke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A newly married man tells his father-in-law that everything his bride does is charming — even how she cleans wax from her ear. The father-in-law warns that in a year or two he'll…
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There's one of those great stories that a person who got married and used to say as the father in-law took the daughter-in-law...no the father-in-law took his new son-in-law aside, so you probably love my, my daughter very much. Yes I've just married her, she's beautiful, she's charming, she's wonderful, even the way she puts her finger in her ear to get the wax out is charming. And he said that's what it's like when you get married, everything you do is just loveable. And the father-in-law said but in one or two years time you'll start to see the faults and defects in my daughter but please son-in-law always remember this, always remember if my daughter did not have those faults to begin with, she'd have married someone much better than you.
- Joke: the young man who couldn't keep a jobJoke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Friends find a bright but jobless young man work as a waiter; he quits after half a day — serving delicious food he can't eat is torture. They make him the cashier, out of sight…
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And this was a story of a young man. And he was really sort of, he's quite bright and passed his university or whatever, or school or whatever, but he couldn't get a job. And so what happened was that his friends tried to get him a job. You're getting a job somewhere, you get to work, you get some money for something. It's good exercise and a good experience for you. So, they got him a fairly simple job as as a waiter in one of the restaurants. You didn't have to have much skill about that. You just find out what a person wants and take it to the cooks or whatever and then they give them the food afterwards. And then just after half a day, this young man soon resigned. Why? What was the problem? He said, "well look, so if I give all this delicious food to everybody and I can't eat any of it for myself, there's so much suffering. I can't stand it any longer, half a day is enough." So, they say now what can we do with this guy and they came up with a solution and they said "okay you can actually be the cashier because the cashier, that little area there, is all cordoned off. So you can't see the food at all, maybe smelling it but not that much. And you can just get the bills, count the money, give the change. Easy!" So okay, I'll try that. So he became the cashier at the restaurant. After half a day he gave that up as well. I can't stand this any longer. It's even more torture than serving food which I can't eat. I count money which isn't mine. I count all the money but I can't put any of it in my pocket. Oh, that's so much torture. They said how can we just deal with somebody like this and get him a job so they talked around. And they finally came up with a solution. A brilliant solution. They said the local cemetery needs a cemetery attendant. There is a little light cabin in the front of the cemetery just where the main gate is. All you need to do is sit in there quietly and just make sure that the right people come in and they don't. No food, you can't see any food there. You can't see any money. So you should be able to do this; such simple job. He said okay I'll give it a try. After half a day, he resigned. I can't stand this any longer. They said, why? While I'm sitting in there most of the day and I see all these people lying down and I have to sit up.
- “My nose is too big”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In his first year in Perth a 13-year-old girl, brought by her father after every other psychologist and psychiatrist had failed, finally admits her problem: her nose is too big.…
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I still remember this when I first came to Perth the very first year this thirteen year old girl came to see me. Her father organised a meeting, she wanted counselling, she'd been to all the other psychologists, psychiatrists or whatever in Perth and this was the last resort to go and see a Buddhist monk. They must have been desperate in those days to come see a Buddhist monk. Because we didn't have much of a reputation and I asked her what's your problem and she took a long time to get it out of her cause you know when people really feel they have a big problem and they just don't want to share it with you especially a thirteen or fourteen year old young girl. And eventually I got it out of her. She said, looking down at the floor feeling so embarrassed, she said 'my nose is too big'. Now you know, you girls you know that, you know where she's coming from, that to her every time she looked in the mirror she saw her nose and it was too big. I tried to use like a scientific approach to her problem, you know I mentally I measured her nose and I've seen many noses in my life and I measured it in my mind and I told her, lady that your nose is pretty average. It's not the most beautiful nose, it's certainly not the most ugly nose, its just a nose, it's average ok. But she wouldn't accept that for her it was the biggest problem because it was right in front of her face. I didn't, I didn't actually help her, but she helped me to understand the negativity of fault finding.
- Seeing his monastery through a visitor's eyesStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: When Ajahn Jagaro disrobes, Ajahn Brahm is left running Bodhinyana: building and abbot's work all week, teaching in Perth all weekend. He even grows jealous of relaxed visitors.…
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That was one of the reasons why another little anecdote, the former abbot of Bodhinyana monastery, Ajahn Jagaro, he was a great monk. When he disrobed, and I was left looking after the monastery, again, I would work very hard cause I had all my ideas I'd like to do for that monastery, I worked very hard. So from Monday to Friday, I'd work like a dog for that monastery, building and looking after the place and being abbot at the same time. Many of those buildings there, I did, built myself, made the bricks, Dennis knows that, he's seen me down there, he's our President, and then on the weekend, I'd come here, Friday, give the talk, Saturday, Sunday, just counsel people, talk with people, do ceremonies, so go back late Sunday evening, Monday morning, back to work again. It was 7 days a week and because of that sort-of I could never enjoy that monastery. So much so, I thought, when people came, you know you come sort-of to visit the monastery to bring danna, you're all relaxed. Because you relaxes it's your day off and you come to the monastery to feed the monks or to feed the nuns and have a peaceful time maybe go to the meditation hall, do a bit of meditation, have a walk around, to relax and I got jealous of you. And so you come to that monastery and you're relaxed and I've got all these jobs to do. I've got to talk to you, I've got to fix things up, And I realised that there's something wrong with my life. My life was always getting things done and doing things. So I remember just seeing that having enough space just to look back and seeing the mistakes that I was making in my life. I made this resolution, every Monday morning when I, Sunday, Saturday, Sunday just working here, Monday morning, I'd go back to that monastery and that'll be a doing nothing morning. And I'd walk around that monastery, not looking for the things which needed to be fixed up, not looking for the letters which needed to be written, not looking for the telephone calls which I had to make, no, this was not my work time. So I wanted to see that monastery with the same eyes that a visitor on holiday could see that monastery. That was a hard thing to do, but you learnt how to do that. Cause when you go there, you can't see all the things which need to be done. It's not your monastery. So I did that and found, wow, that's how I can be free. Not with the fault finding mind, but the opposite, a mind of compassion, which can accept things as they are and see the value in things as they are. To realise, not everything every moment needs to be fixed up. It does not need to be changed, you don't need to make it better you don't need, to sort of, push it forward, leave it as it is, for goodness sake! And at first it was a tough thing to do, to leave things as they are, because you think, that's being lazy. Our society, it creates depression and anxiety because we don't allow people to be lazy. I want to create a Lazy People Society. So lazy people's rights, so you have right to be lazy, at least one day of a week or one morning of a week. So you can actually sit and actually do nothing and have permission to do nothing. If you really want to I'll give you a certificate. Ajahn Brahm hereby gives you permission to do nothing one morning a week. You can show it to your partner, I've got permission, so [laughter]. Cause if we don't do that, you're not enjoying anything in life. I could not enjoy the place which I lived, cause it was also a work place for me. I couldn't even enjoy my body, because I always had to wash it, take it to toilet, do something with it. I could never enjoy my life, cause it was always something to improve. You're missing out on the meaning of life, when you're so active in doing things, making things better. So I left it alone, you know what I found on those Monday mornings? That monastery was beautiful, why did I keep wanting to change it?
- Strawberry ice cream on spaghetti bologneseStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Monks eat everything from one bowl. Once, the person serving Ajahn Brahm tipped strawberry ice cream straight on top of his spaghetti bolognese. Why think it's nasty? — though,…
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And just all in one bowl, all gets mixed up. I say, that's amazing. When you see the way we eat, and sometimes you just get these things. You tried to separate them, I must admit, but was this one occasion, I had strawberry ice cream on spaghetti bolognese. [laughter] There's spaghetti bolognese and it was in one part. There's some ice cream. And the person who took my bowl up just must have just went over the lid. Oh my goodness. So you're getting bolognese and the strawberry ice cream was on top of it. Have you ever had that? [laughter] Why do you think it's nasty? Why do you think it's terrible? Actually it is nasty and terrible.
- The embassy couples who got back togetherStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After his first book, opening with the two-bad-bricks story, becomes popular, Ajahn Brahm is invited to Bangkok: of four couples at the Australian Embassy with marital trouble,…
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I got this invitation to go to Bangkok. Four couples in the Australian Embassy in Bangkok had marital trouble. Two were divorced. They've gone through the divorce proceedings. Two were separated but not divorced yet. When they read that story, they came together again. Amazing, they were divorced. But they decided to come together again, separated ones came together again. And they wanted to see me. They want to say thank you. So they bought me an airline ticket to go to Bangkok, paid everything. So I gave a talk for the people in the Australian Embassy in Bangkok. Say thank you. It worked.
- The floor the monks finished overnightStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Building Jhana Grove for an Easter 2008 opening by its patron, former Premier Geoff Gallop, Ajahn Brahm is assured it will be ready well ahead of schedule. On the Thursday…
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Notice the floor in the meditation room, it hasn't got a carpet because we thought there's some people want to meditate and they have allergies. So, it's just a bamboo floor. It's very beautiful, but on bamboo floor. You know what happens again, Ajahn Brahm being the builder. I'm not really the builder, but it's my project, so I had to make sure everything was done properly. And it's a huge project, I asked the person in charge of doing the building, "Are you sure it's going to be ready by Easter 2008 or nine or 12? What was it, about 12/13 years ago? 2008. Are you sure it's going to be ready?" He said, "Yes! No trouble at all! Well ahead of schedule." And I should know by now. I'm really stupid. I trust people too much. Because it wasn't. It was a real rush. Especially the last day. We're going to have the opening ceremony, it was on the Easter retreat. And we're going to have it on Friday, the Good Friday. And we invited even the the former Premier, Geoff Gallop. He was gonna, he still is the what do you call it? The patron of Jhana Grove Retreat Centre. And he was gonna come and open it for us. And as soon as the opening was finished, we're gonna have our retreat, the 8/9 day retreat, and we had all this ceremony all arranged. And you know what happened? You know what happened? It wasn't finished. Thursday evening. Half the floor had not been laid. It was just concrete. Half the floor was finished. Half the floor was bare concrete. We tried to get floor makers in to come and finish it off for us. Would they work on Thursday evening, before the long weekend? No way. So what happened? Duh duh duh, in come the monks like the seventh cavalry to save the day again. And it was brilliant. It's beautiful. Ajahn Brahmali and Ajahn Santutthi, they were the main collaborators. They worked till 4am. All night. 4am. And that's a beautiful job they did. If you sit on that, when every time I see that, I feel so much joy and happiness. Just finishing off like that. They had a lot of fun. A lot of joy, not sleeping, working hard. Had an hour or two to sleep before we started the ceremony in the morning, big ceremony all day. Have a look at it. It's gorgeous. That is how we work. Do we get paid? Imagine if we did get paid. There'll be it's Easter. So that's double time. Overnight, that's double time again. So, night time work, oh, they could have made a fortune. If we were paid. But we don't do that. Do it for the fun of it, the joy of it because you don't have fault finding. You have the opposite. Joy finding, beauty finding. And that's one of the reasons why we don't get paid, we get exploited. Please exploit us some more. We don't think like other people. So instead, we just see the joy of doing these things and the wonder of doing these things, which means the fault fighting is not there. So we don't get upset and don't argue. And if you notice carefully, there is a mistake in that floor. Have any of you seen it? It's in the corner, which is closest to the entrance door. Doesn't quite match. But that's beautiful. It doesn't have to match and be perfect.
- The suggestion box at BarreStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A well-funded meditation centre in Barre, Massachusetts — one of the first places for meditation retreats in the West — wondered what more it could do and put in a suggestion…
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once I remember this uh meditation center in Barry, Massachusetts, one of the first uh places where you can do meditation retreats. And they put a lot of money into that. And then one day they decided, you know, what more can we do? Let's put in like a suggestions box. Now, we don't have suggestion boxes here. Thank goodness. [laughter] because the suggestion box filled up within an hour and they thought they' done so cuz it's easy the closer you get to perfection the more uh faults you find.
- Two crooked bricks at the Chinese universityStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Invited to the Chinese University in Sha Tin (captioned Chartin), Hong Kong, because of student suicides, he told the two-bad-bricks story — wanting to blow up a wall over two…
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they invited me to the Chinese university in Chartin and the reason was because they had lots of uh students committing suicide and that's the story I told apparently it worked many of those students the suicide rate went down said why I wanted to blow up a wall destroy it because I saw two faults how many Kids see a couple of faults and they focus on that's all they see. You can understand why you want to blow it up. You can't stand it any longer