# “Steve, you can die”

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-jenny-gives-steve-permission
- Themes: death, dying, love, letting go
- Life situations: partner dying, sitting with a dying loved one, end-of-life care

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Visiting a dying man, Steve, Ajahn Brahm senses something is holding him back and asks his partner Jenny (present in the audience) whether she has given him permission to die. She jumps up on the bed, hugs him and says, “Steve, you can die, I give you permission to go.”

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

This lady sitting in front of me who taught me something once when her husband died. I remember to this moment Jenny and I always will with Steve. When I came to see you Steve was dying but there was something stopping him and I told you 'have you given Steve permission to die?' Remember that time? And you did and it's one of those memorable experiences, she jumped up on the bed, hugged her partner whom she loved dearly and said 'Steve you can die, I give you permission to go'

## Teaching point

The greatest act of love is letting someone you care for go with your blessing.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Steve was dying but something held him back, until Jenny climbed onto the bed, hugged him and told him he could go. Holding on can feel like love, yet sometimes the kinder love is permission. Whether it's a dying parent or a grown child leaving home, letting someone go with your blessing frees them, and can soften your own grief too.

## Source

- [Instead of Attachment | Ajahn Brahm | 04-03-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L50xVM7wwss) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 27:07 to 27:51: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L50xVM7wwss&t=1627s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Detachment | Ajahn Brahm | 18th March 2022](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xig9D9B8XHQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 40:38 to 43:14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xig9D9B8XHQ&t=2438s
- [Relax the Mind | Ajahn Brahm | 13 June 2025](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_HZAqnmAYM) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:13:28 to 1:14:02: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_HZAqnmAYM&t=4408s
- [Resilience and Valentine's Day | Ajahn Brahm | 15 February 2019](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNjHPFixUL0) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 14:20 to 17:31: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNjHPFixUL0&t=860s