Stories about reconciliation
5 Buddhist wisdom stories about reconciliation from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- Father and son who couldn't remember whyStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Blessing a house in Brisbane, Ajahn Brahm learns the father and his eldest son haven't spoken or seen each other for seven years. He has the younger son phone his brother,…
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there is a gentleman who was visiting our monastery in Serpentine and he insisted on taking me to the airport. And the reason was that he was from Brisbane if you are listening ... you are a hero for me and he thinks I am just the Bee's Knees because three years ago I went to his house in Brisbane and a little ceremony part of the job of a monk - bless this, bless that. You name it, I've blessed it. One of the reasons, it just give people a bit of encouragement in their lives. So I went to his house, his youngest son was there but his eldest son was absent. And I asked where is he? And the youngest son said "he hadn't talked.." the father and the son hadn't talked together for seven years. They have't even seen each other for seven years. They have been estranged. That really sort of hurts my heart, I believe hurts your heart. It's called compassion, you got empathy, you feel for people. How can a father and son be apart for seven years! Never sending any Birthday Cards or Christmas Cards or telephone calls or anything. But I know I do have some authority. I am a senior monk, I am well known and some people actually afraid of me! They are! Now there is no reason for you to be afraid of me I am a very gentle monk. Going off track I can never forget the silly thing I did once when I was visiting my mother in London years ago when she was still alive. I went to visit her and staying in her house. She was making my 'one meal a day' in the morning for me. Now that's very important. If you only eat one meal a day you got only one chance every day you got to make sure it hits the spot. So when somebody rang her door bell I volunteered to answer it so my lunch would not be spoiled. Totally selfish. I went to the door and it was a type of person, anyone from may be the UK might know this, they call them gypsies. They are itinerant people who had been in that country for 100s of years. But they decided, they do not wish to live in permanent houses. They usually live in caravans going from place to place. Good on them, if they want to live like that. But they have a reputation for trying to solicit funds, doing silly things. So it was one of these women, she knocked on the door. She said "would you like to buy some gypsy heather?" Just weed basically. And I was very polite I said "no, thank you" And she said to me "If you don't buy some of this heather I would put a gypsy curse on you" it was a marketing technique. Now imagine somebody threatening to curse me. They didn't know who they were messing with. (laughter) I had my robe on but I stood up really tall in my robe. And I looked her in the eye and said "I am a very senior Buddhist Monk, my curse is a much stronger than yours." That's what I said I overdid it. Honestly, I really overdid it. Because that women, her eyes went wide, her jaw dropped she turned around and she actually ran! She ran away. (laughter) We never curse anybody but I do use that in case people mess with me, then I can always mess back. Because people have all these superstition Buddhist monks... what can they do they don't know, but they tried to mess with me so I messed up with them. I know I shouldn't have done that but actually I am quite happy I did. (laughter) Makes it a good story. So anyway, that's just how.... We don't curse, we really don't have curses but people don't know that. So at this house, I told the youngest son, "Have you got your brother's telephone number?" He said sure... "Call him right now!" So he got out his smart phone and called his older brother, the one who was estranged. Give the phone to me. And I said "I am Ajahn Brahm you know me?" "Yeah I know you, I listen to your talks on YouTube." I said "I command you to come to your father's house. You better come or else" and I hung the phone up. So this poor man, he hadn't seen his father for seven years, he was either coming to break that estrangement or risk the curse and bad kamma of not obeying a very senior monk. Of course there is no bad kamma there but people really don't know this. So yeah let's use whatever you got to solve the situation. So he came in but wouldn't look at his father, wouldn't talk to him. But first time in seven years in the same room. And I sat them down together looking this way not at each other. And I asked the father ... What an amazing thing, shows you how stupid people can be! What did your son do, seven years ago, you got so upset you don't even talk to him anymore or look at him? You know what he said? "I can't remember." (laughter) So I looked at the son, the eldest son "What did your father do?" "I can't remember either." (more laughter) Human beings. They are so lovable, they are so cute. Just stupid but lovable. So I said: "enough is enough, forgiveness time." I forget who did it first. I made them "Father look at your son. Son look at your father." I forget who did first. Say to your father: "Look at him and say for the first time in seven years, "Father whatever you've done by body, speech or mind, that irritated me whatever it was, really hurt me deeply I forgive you". And the other way around too. "Son whatever you have done I forgive you back". They reconciled. That's such a beautiful thing to do. All you needed was somehow or rather overcoming that pride. I am not going to forgive him he is got to ask forgiveness first and then OK. He is gonna make the first move and it's worth waiting till we die for the other person to make the first move. That's why a circuit breaker like a monk can actually do that.
- Give me the phone — call your other sonStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After Bundaberg visit, lunch in Brisbane: host has two sons, one estranged for years. Brahm asks for the number, takes the phone and reconnects them.
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Bundaberg in Queensland, and on the way back, uh in uh Brisbane before I went to the airport, is one of the gentlemen there invited me for dinner for dinner in his house. So, went there for the lunch. When I was talking to him, I just talking just being polite, how many kids have you got? Yeah, I've got two sons. So, are they here? One of them is, but the one the other one I haven't seen him for about 7 or 8 years. How come? Is he going overseas? No, he lives a few suburbs away. How come you haven't seen him for such a long time? He said, "Oh, we had some sort of argument." And I saw the younger son. Then he says, "Have you got your elder son's telephone number?" He said, "Yes." Give him a call now, please. The thing was, because in Sri Lanka, I'm very well respected. And so they they didn't dare saying no. So, he got out his phone and called his his elder brother. And once he got through, I said, "Give me the phone." And I picked up the phone and said, this is true, this is exactly what happened. I said, "This is Ajahn Brahm here." "Ajahn Brahm?" Said, "Yes, I'm at your dad's house. Come immediately." And I put the phone down. And this this poor young man didn't have a choice. He was scared that something terrible would happen to him if he didn't obey me. So, he he came to his dad's house. And they hadn't seen each other for 7 or 8 years
- “Make him fall in love again — then divorce him”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Singapore woman, convinced her husband has a mistress, tells a marriage counsellor she just wants a divorce. The counsellor asks: if you divorce him now, will he be happy or…
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Look at this story, this is a great story told to me by a marriage counselor in Singapore. She had a client, her client was really, lost all of her love for her husband who was coming home late from work, she suspected he had a mistress, and he wouldn't sort of admit anything, the relationship was so on the rocks, it was almost as fast to the bottom of the sea as the Titanic. But she went to the marriage counselor, she said I want to get a divorce. And the marriage counselor very skillfully said, “does he love you?” then “No! Of course he doesn't love me”. Well then, said the counselor, “if you divorce him now he'll be very happy. Is that what you want?” “No!” [laughter] “So here's the plan - see if you can make him love you again - you know, dress up, be kind, be charming, you know, use all of your skills as a woman to win him back and then when he falls in love with you again then divorce him!” (laughter). She says “yeah, yeah! that's the way to treat men”. So that was the plan. So, she did what she was suggested, she brought some new clothes, had a nice sort of makeover sort of was really kind even though he came home late, she's really charming. And every week she'd either call or visit the counselor. "How's it going?" She said actually it's beginning to work, he's coming home earlier and he’s actually being nice to me. She said, "great keep on going, the plan's working." And as the weeks went past he came home early, was more friendly with her, started cuddling and kissing her and everything, and then she never called the counselor any more. And so the counselor after a month called the client said “what's happening? Is he in love with you yet?” “Yeah, he is”. The counselor said: “Great! Time to divorce him!” “Oh no...he’s so nice now.” [laughter] Mission accomplished. That was the plan all along.
- The embassy couples who got back togetherStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After his first book, opening with the two-bad-bricks story, becomes popular, Ajahn Brahm is invited to Bangkok: of four couples at the Australian Embassy with marital trouble,…
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I got this invitation to go to Bangkok. Four couples in the Australian Embassy in Bangkok had marital trouble. Two were divorced. They've gone through the divorce proceedings. Two were separated but not divorced yet. When they read that story, they came together again. Amazing, they were divorced. But they decided to come together again, separated ones came together again. And they wanted to see me. They want to say thank you. So they bought me an airline ticket to go to Bangkok, paid everything. So I gave a talk for the people in the Australian Embassy in Bangkok. Say thank you. It worked.
- The widow who hugged her husband's killerStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission, where those who truthfully confessed their crimes were granted amnesty, a white police officer, shaking, recounts in front…
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That the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa just after aparte was dismantled and Nelson Mandela was made the president of that country and uh instead of seeking Revenge instead of punishing all those people who punished him he with Desmond Tutu establish the Truth and Reconciliation Commission brilliant way of dealing with the past at this commission anybody who had done what would be a crime was able to go to this commission and in front of everybody else to confess honestly what they done and as long as they truthfully said the horendous thing which they did they would be given amnesty you're just being honest admitting and they would be forgiven that's exactly just what I learned in Buddhism so many years ago which these days now so people can remember these things I've called the AFR code you know which you many of you know they acknowledge forgive and learn a forgive and learn from it that's all one needs to do that's basic Buddhist teachings call it AFL because you know that's the Australian football league people can remember those words AFL acknowledge forgive learn that's exactly what they were doing this because uh Reconciliation Commission acknowledging what they done in public amnesty with forgiveness everyone could learn from them and uh one of the most moving events it was most moving but typical of many things happened in that Truth and Reconciliation Commission was when one of the South African policemen was recounting how he tortured and killed a black African activist an activist from the ANC in front of the man's Widow can you imagine this scene there was a woman whose husband had disappeared probably in the middle of the night and she suspected what might have happened but never knew the true story and now she was facing the man who is confessing in detail how he tortured and killed the husband of this woman the father of her children the one she loved and apparently if I remember accurately this police officer this white police officer was shaking trembling as they recounted the details of what happened facing the wife of the man he' murdered at the end of his testimony shaking the wife Rose from her seat and went for him the guards were supposed to stop her but they froze she went for him the murder of her husband and put her big black arms around him hugged him and said I forgive you not just those two people but apparently the whole room wet