Stories about parenting
19 Buddhist wisdom stories about parenting from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- Ask Gandhi — my son doesn't listen to meStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Mother brings defiant son to young Gandhi for a scolding about sweets; Gandhi asks her to return in weeks (or similar delay) so his word matches his own conduct — truth of…
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Gandhi. If ever you read his history, you know, this whole life was dedicated to what he called no satcha or or truth. And it wasn't just external truth but the truth of his own conduct and behavior. So incredibly virtuous man. And on this occasion remember this story from a long time ago he was studying law in UK in London and he was staying in a boarding house which people did in those days. And the the woman who owned the boarding house who cooked for these poor students had a son who was eating too much sugar. And this uh land lady took this Mr. Gandhi aside. He wasn't known. He was just a young man studying. He did. She didn't know this guy was going to become really world famous. But even then, he had authority. So much so that she said, "My son doesn't listen to me." But for some reason, he looks up to you. So, can you please tell my son not to eat so much sugar? I think he may listen to you. And Mr. Gandhi said, "Yes, ma'am, I will." Week passed, two weeks passed, and the land lady took Mr. Gandhi aside. So, Mr. Gandandy, do you remember that conversation we had two weeks ago? I asked you to tell my son not to eat so much sugar. He's still eating so much sugar. You said you would tell him. Why haven't you? And Mr. Gandhi said, "I did tell your son not to have so much sugar, but only this morning." "Why did you wait 2 weeks?" said the landlady. "Because," said Mr. Gandhi, it took me two weeks to give up taking sugar
- Can I please have one hour of your time?Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A tired father snaps when his six-year-old asks how much he earns per hour, then guiltily answers $20 and lends him $10. The boy adds $10 in coins from under the pillow and hands…
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ten dollar note and after that the little son smiled, took the ten dollar note said "thank you so much daddy", and then the son opened up the little drawer by the side of his bed and there was coins in there and he had just about enough to count out another ten dollars in coins, and together with the ten dollar note he handed it to his daddy. “Daddy here's twenty dollars, can I now have one hour of your time please
- “Can you tell my parents for me?”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A girl who has come to the Perth temple since she was a toddler comes to Ajahn Brahm at 16 or 17: she's pregnant by her boyfriend and hasn't told her parents — “they'll kill me.”…
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she'd been coming to the temple since she was 1 or 2 years of age playing making a racket and a noise as kids do that's why you know please bring your kids to the temples let them get familiar with the monks sometimes playing with them but means when she got to 16 or 17 she came to see me said hmm I'm in trouble there was a trouble I'm pregnant with my boyfriend and I said have you told your mum and dad yet said no that's why I've come to you can you please tell them for me so why don't you tell them they'll kill me and she was scared of her parents she thought she'd be punished so she wanted me to be the intermediary so I went to the parents look kids make mistakes she's a good girl but she's got herself into trouble don't know why could be peer pressure you know she lost her her mind for us because if she liked her boyfriend one thing led to another and then now she's pregnant she doesn't need to be afraid of you she needs your help and support children make mistakes
- Class A and Class BStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: An English school splits a year group into two classes of exactly equal ability by exam score — only the headmistress and two psychologists know the results — with equally good…
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This was a story of a test which was done in a school in England. Two classes of kids, the end of the year exams, you know, we just done the end of the year exams for our kids in school here in Western Australia. The school year is just finished or about to finish. And it's usually the usual thing is on the basis of the results this year, you know, that's how you'll be graded for, you know, the streams of learning for next year. And there was one school did this really interesting experiment. They had two classes in one year and having done their examination, they never published the results. There was, if I remember correctly, the head mistress and two psychologists were the only ones who knew what scores every kid got. But instead, what they did, they allocated the children as evenly as they possibly could. The kid who came top went in the same class as a kid who came fifth and sixth. No, fourth and fifth. Yeah. Fourth and fifth, 8th and 9th, 12th and 13th, 16th and 17th. They all went in one class. The kids who came second and third, sixth and seventh, 10th and 11th went in the other class. So they split the classes up as evenly as they possibly could. And the head mistress tried to find teachers who she thought were equally good. And they even went as far as to find classrooms with equal facilities. They made everything equal as possible except for one thing. They called one of those classes class A and the other one class B. And they were totally equal in ability based on the exam results. and they wanted to find out what would happen next year. Half of those kids went into class A and they weren't more brilliant, but their parents said, "I don't know how you did it, son. You're in class A. Carry on. Well done." And even the kids who came second and third going into class B. I want you to work harder next year. You know, no more privileges for you, more homework. the the parents thought class B meant the worst and even the teachers taught her to a lower level and the kids be know with her in class B the kids started to believe the class A kids were superior than the class B kids because one year later when they gave the exam again the children in class A did so well as if they were the top half chosen from the year before. And the class B kids did terribly. Literally after one year, half those children became class A children and the other one became class B simply because they gave that label and they believed in it, they became it.
- Dad walks into the spud-gun battleStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Aged about 12, Ajahn Brahm brings friends home after school for a spud-gun war, chairs upside down, the flat wrecked. His father arrives unexpectedly; terrified of being told off…
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I remember coming home from school one afternoon I must about 12 or 13 with my friends know two or three friends and we had these I don't know if any of you kids remember these these spud guns the Spud you know you get some potatoes which were very cheap and you push the end of the little gun in it and because it was stick on the end you had like a compression thing and when the air built out you know it would send the potato bit you know sort of at your you know your friend so it's like it just like not really the air pistols it didn't sort of wasn't that sort of hard but it was actually good fun you know for boys playing around so of course you know it was an after off school I invited my friends down to you know my father's know my apartment where I lived we had all the chairs you know upside down we're having a war having B kids being kids flying the place was a mess and in the middle of the battle wrecking the house my father came in he visited unexpectedly and I was so scared my goodness I was wrecking the house and in front of my friends and I thought he would discipline me but he just climbed over the chair I have a good time made himself a cup of tea while we carried on with our battle that was one awesome dad cuz he knew we to clean up afterwards and we put everything together again but he understood I was a kid being a kid
- Let them go to the nightclub with your permissionStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A widowed close disciple worried about her kids wanting nightclubs with drugs and alcohol. He said they will go anyway — better with your permission; trust them. She did; they…
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there was a lady here she lost her husband he's very very close disciple her kids she came up to me once and said they want to go to nightclub and said nightclub you know there's drugs in nightclub alcohol I said look you know your kids are going to go to the nightclub anyway so you might as well let them go and then they go with your permission rather than going against your permission and anyway they're good kids trust them for goodness sake and of course she did trust those kids she followed my advice and the kids had a wonderful life they're doing really really well in life nowadays they didn't go do anything wrong
- Meditating mum — knife and gas threatsStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Armadale Tuesday-night mum of a four- and six-year-old sits anyway. Kids climb, demand water, pull hair; then escalate: Johnny has a kitchen knife, Julianne turned on the gas.…
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I am going to meditate no matter what and of course what happened as soon as she sat down I think she had about four-year-old and a six-year-old kid they started climbing all over her mommy mommy mommy I need to go we Mommy Mommy Mommy I need glass of water but she said no I deserve my peace so she did not react or move and then they started pulling her hair again she just took it and did not react at all so then the two kids decided to get serious one of them said Mommy Mommy Johnny has got a knife out of the kitchen drawer Mommy Mommy Julianne has turned on the gas but I really admire that W she said I don't care you can kill yourself if you like blow up the house I'm meditatin
- Monk uncle spoils the brother's parenting lectureStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Visiting as 'monk uncle', Brahm's niece and nephews ask what Dad was like young; he starts listing his brother's childhood misdeeds. The brother walks in furious — he is trying…
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they called me? Of course, they called me monk uncle. Come here, uncle. You should've heard that one before. An uncle who's a monk becomes monk uncle. [snorts] So, anyway, and my I don't know what my brother was up to, but I was talking to my niece and nephews. They were about 10 or 11 or 12 at the time. And they said, "Oh, what was What was our dad like when he was young?" You know, cuz I was his younger brother. "Oh, you know, this is what he did." And and I told I started telling him all the bad things which my my brother did when he was young. And that's when my brother came in. He said, "You know, brother, what are you telling my kids? I'm trying to tell them to be good and you're spoiling it all by saying that what I'm telling to do, I never did when I was a young man
- Mum's blessing at seventeenStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At seventeen, with a sleeping bag and his guitar, he hitchhiked from London to North Africa to explore the world. It must have driven his mother crazy, but she gave him her…
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I remember what my poor old mum, when I was seventeen, I shouldn't give all the young men here ideas, but I got too late now, seventeen, I had a sleeping bag, my guitar, and I went hitchhiking from London over to North Africa. Must have driven my mum crazy, but off I went to explore the world, and she gave me her blessing, what a courageous thing that was,
- Mummy, you're nicer after meditationStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A tired Armadale Tuesday-night mother almost skips class until her six-year-old insists she go — because she is a much nicer mummy when she comes home from meditation.
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my child sent me my six-year-old mummy are you going to meditation tonight now I don't feel like it mummy you must go to meditation tonight no not tonight I'm too tired mummy go to meditation why darling because you're a much nicer mummy when you come home for meditation
- Okay darling — I'll help you packStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Perth mother whose six-year-old wanted to leave home packed his teddy and PlayStation, made a sandwich, kissed him at the door; ~50 metres later he came home homesick to…
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Mommy I don't love you any longer I want to leave home a six yearold wanted to leave home you know what mommy did Mommy said good idea darling I'll help you pack your bags this last week's did I told a story okay cuz I I give so many talks I'm getting old now so my memor sometimes go wouldn't I tell this last story I think it was at the retreat so okay darling you can leave home and Mommy went to pack the suitcase for her little kid six-year-old so went to the bedroom got the little kids suitcase and packed all the important things in life like the teddy bear like the PlayStation and other things in little bag and mommy said oh darling before you leave I'll make you something for lunch so the mommy made a sandwich for a kid and the kid carrying the the the sandwich in one hand and her a bag uh suitcase in the left hand in the other hand just a mommy kissed her her son six-year-old at the front door and the kid walked to the end of the Garden Path opened the door and just went off into their life he let the six-year-old leave home and of course you know what the six-year-old did it just got about maybe 50 m past the garden gate when he got homesick turned around came through the garden gate up the Garden Path and mommy was still waiting there welcome home darling
- On the birth of my son — may he be stupidStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Brahm quotes Su Dongpo (as 'Sung Po'): parents want a child to be intelligent; having wrecked his own life through intelligence, the poet only wishes his son stupid — then…
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Su Tung-Po, the famous Chinese poet. And if I remember as best I can, it was called 'On the Birth of my Son' that was the title. And it went something like this: "On the birth of a son most parents want them to grow up intelligent. But I hope my son turns out stupid Because I, through intelligence, have wrecked my whole life. If my son is stupid, then he'll have a very tranquil life and complete his peaceful existence by becoming a cabinet minister
- Raise them honest and questioningStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: An English Buddhist couple ask a monk how to bring up their first child without brainwashing — Buddhist, no religion, or every religion? The advice Ajahn Brahm repeats: raise the…
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That is why this is one of those stories of I This was one of my friends a long time ago over in England. A Buddhist English family, Caucasians, had their first child and they asked him, "How should we bring up our child? Should we teach him to be a Buddhist? Or should we teach him no religion? Or should we teach him every religion? We're confused. I don't want to brainwash my kid cuz I was brainwashed. And I want to How do you bring up a child to have a good ethical foundation? And a monk gave this very brilliant advice, which I've repeated to other people. Bring up your child to be one, honest, and two, questioning. And if you encourage that in your child, honesty, it means that they will never deceive themselves believing something which is ridiculous. Truth will be so important to them that even religious statements, they would check out if it doesn't make sense, doesn't matter who said it, they'd reject it. Honesty will be one of the greatest uh filters of truth for misinformation. And secondly, questioning will always be challenging, challenging, challenging until they found out once they've questioned and challenged what's left. More they're questioning and challenging, which they can honestly believe in, that will be the truth. And that would be the best way to to encourage a child's religious or spiritual development as it is yours as well. Please always question and be honest. If you don't agree with it, say so. Don't believe it just cuz I say so. Don't believe it if everyone else in the world except you says so. No, don't believe it. Be honest with yourself there. If it really is true, you feel it is true, even if it goes against your beliefs, if it feels true and is true, change your beliefs. Never bend the facts to fit your faith, bend your faith to fit the facts. That's honesty. So that way, that is how good teachers teach. They don't teach you what to believe. They teach you to be honest and also to question.
- Tell his girlfriend he might marry a dummyStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Perth father whose university son was clubbing and failing waited up until 1 a.m., invited son and girlfriend in for coffee, and spoke only to the girlfriend: his grades are…
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he waited for his son and his girlfriend to come back maybe 1:00 in the in the morning he was waiting for them and when the car came in he went outside the house to greet them and of course the son was terrified what's my dad doing at this time of the morning morning is he going to tell me off in front of my girlfriend and embarrass me and he said no he said no can you please come in both of you and he brought them in and gave them a cup of coffee and he didn't talk to his son he was just talking to his son's girlfriend and he said look you know you've been going out for a while I don't know what the relationship is but you know who knows you know you may take it further one day you know get engaged and get married and because of that I just wanted to let you know talking to the girlfriend you know his grades at University going down is doing really badly what she said he never told me that he said well I thought I should tell you because I'm sure you don't want to marry a dummy no and when the girlfriend found out what was going on from that time on the girlfriend you better come home how are your grades are you doing your homework and the girlfriend had far more power over him than a mother and dad would ever have so his grades went up eventually you know he graduated and got a really really good degree and they got married ah isn't that nice
- Telling the kids what their dad got up toStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Visiting his brother, Ajahn Brahm tells his young nephew and niece about all the naughty things their father did at their age; fascinated, they beg for more. Their dad walks in:…
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I did that to my brother once I was visiting him he had you know a son and a daughter they're about you know six and eight or something and I still my brother was doing something else in his house and I started talking about to my nephew and niece what my brother got up to when he was their age all the naughty things he did and they were really fascinated tell us some more about our dad because he never tells us that foreign and then he came into the room he said what are you telling my children I've been doing all these years trying to teach them not to do those things which he did himself and I knew because I was there at the time
- The honey and the milkStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In parallel supermarket checkout aisles, at almost the same moment, one child drops a jar of honey and another drops a carton of milk — two big messes. One mother says, “You…
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And this was an example of the two children at the supermarket checkout, they were in parallel lanes. And almost exactly the same time, one child took out a carton of milk from the trolley, and he dropped it on the ground, and it went "splat" all over the floor, making a whole mess. And his mum said, "you stupid child". Almost exactly the same time in the parallel aisle, another child, they picked up the jar of honey. And it was slippy they dropped it. And they went "smash" all over the floor. But that mother, because she must have come to the Buddhist Society in Nollamara. That mother, she didn't say, "you stupid child". She said, "that was a stupid thing you did." And we emphasise the huge difference between those two responses. Now, if you examine it, you call, that's your "stupid child", it's as if they are totally stupid. They're, like, totally sort of corrupt, that when they were made, there must be some genetic malfunction that they are actually stupid. They're permanently stained with stupidity. And that's that first child. And many of you can recognise, such reactions when you make a mistake, and someone calls you stupid, someone calls you dumb. Someone calls you all these things. And what they're saying is, you're fatally flawed. There's nothing worth redeeming in you. And you know what it's like when that happens to you. You feel totally diminished, totally hopeless. You lose all your self esteem and that's no way to bring up a child. The other child received "that was a stupid thing you did". You're not a stupid kid. But, you had a moment of stupidity. And what that means is that you're recognising the truth, that was the sort of a silly thing to do to pick up that jar of honey making it all slippy. But, you're not a stupid person. There's more to you than that.
- The newborn sat in full lotusStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Perth parent told him that after breastfeeding in hospital their newborn took its mouth away, sat on the mother's tummy, crossed its legs in full lotus and put one hand over…
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when their child was born I think they were in still in the hospital and they just breastfed their kid so they're laying on their back in hospital bed and the child had just finished breastfeeding and so so took his mouth or her mouth forget which away from the the breast and then just sat on her mother's tummy crossed her legs his legs in full lotus, put one hand over the other and assumed a meditation posture and that spooked the woman out. My goodness, here was a baby who knew how to sit meditation and it just came out of the tummy, out of the womb
- The pickaxe mum whose son won Iron ChefStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: An early Bodhinyana disciple helped smash rock for the ablution-block plumbing with a pickaxe, raised four kids who did poorly at school but brilliantly in life — one became head…
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she was one of the first disciples she was always bringing Danna to the first monks know a and Ja and myself and whenever we're doing any building work she'll come come up and help I remember that first building we did down at bodana Monastery the ablution block and very stupid Builders at that time we built It On Solid Rock and we tried to sort of break the rock up you know to put places for the plumbing and there she was you know this 30 40 year old mother with a pickaxe attacking this rock she was such a tough lady and she had four children and none of them did well at school but they're brilliant kids in life and they still come and see me from time to time and every time they come I just so impressed how well they've done in life and one of those kids uh you may get to know who he is but I'm trying to sort of keep these stories Anonymous he is the the head chef of scotch college and about a year ago sort of he entered iron chef competition on TV and apparently he's the only person ever to have won it and I I knew he'd do that because the way he was brought up his I went to see his mother when she was just before she was dying in her home and she had this big queen bed I've never seen a bed that big you know you had to squeeze past it to get in the room it took you know 80% of the room and I asked this was about how many years ago about 15 years ago now they said why you got such a big for it's so for my son so when he brings his girlfriend home he's got somewhere to stay with her and I was really shocked you know it's only 17y old boy uh son he said no he's going to do that anyway so in home give him a good bed and that was this boy one M Iron Chef brilliant sort of motherhood CU he understood her kids and said okay if you a girl you know quite likely they're going to have sex before marriage so make sure that you know they you understand that accept that and just make sure they've got the protection and say that Mom and Dad are here you know if anything goes wrong you know you don't have to be embarrassed just tell your mom what's happened I won't criticize you I won't shun you I won't be ashamed of you because you know in my community you're not supposed to do that no please never make your children feel ashamed or don't be ashamed of your children for whatever they do
- “You're a much better mum when you come home”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A tired mother tells her children she will skip the meditation group; her daughter insists she go, because she is a much better mum afterwards.
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Many times when I've been teaching meditation, especially down at Armadale, I don't know why this happens always in Armadale group. In Armadale group, sometimes after the meditation, talking to people afterwards, and very often people say, "You know, this evening, I never wanted to come." "It's Tuesday evening, I've been at work, and I'm tired, and I told my kids I'm not going this evening, and my daughter said, 'Mommy, you must go to meditation.' I said, 'I don't feel like it darling, I'm tired.' 'Mommy, you must go to meditation!' 'No, not this evening.' 'Mommy, go to meditation!!' 'Why darling?' 'Because you're a much nicer mommy when you come back.'