Stories about criticism
10 Buddhist wisdom stories about criticism from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- A loose guitar stringAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Simile: the tighter a guitar string is stretched, the higher it pings when something hits it; less stretched, a lower sound; not stretched at all, no sound. That's resilience — a…
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I gave it another simile of being like a guitar string and when a guitar string is stretched the tighter it is stretched stretched when something hits it it really makes a high-pitched sound and when it's not stretched so much it makes a lower pitch sound when it's hardly stretched at all it makes a very low sound when it's not stretched at all it makes no sound at all that's like people's resilience the way they react to some of the unpleasant things which happens in life
- Best friends on the school busStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: On a bus home from teaching at a school, Ajahn Brahm sits behind two 13- or 14-year-old best friends whose whole conversation is picking faults: flat chest, no boyfriend; big…
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I was on a bus coming back from, I think was teaching at a school, coming back here. And just sitting behind two girls, maybe about 13 or 14, on the way back from school, best friends, and listening to what they were saying. I was overhearing them sitting right behind them, and listen to their conversation. I wasn't so shocked, because it reminded me of my school days, the conversation went something like you've got flat, flat breasts, you're never gonna get a boyfriend, but you got a big nose, you're not gonna get one either. And it always came picking faults in one another. And these were the best friends.
- Cursed in the marketStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: With an afternoon off, a husband in Asia goes to the market for eggs for his wife, with a basket, the money and a 'mud map'. A young man comes nose to nose and abuses him — the…
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This was of the husband who had the afternoon off work and afternoon off work and his wife said, "Darling, look, this was not in Australia. This was in Asia somewhere. Hey, darling. Look, I I I haven't got enough um eggs to make the dinner this evening. Could you go to the market and just get me some eggs, please? You got a free afternoon. I Yeah, sure. No worry at all. I'll get you some eggs. But he never been to the market before. So, his wife had to give him a little mud map. Give him the basket. Here's the basket. This is where you put the eggs and here's the money. because you know you know sometimes you need to do that with husbands. [laughter] So off he went happily helping his darling wife to get some eggs from the market for for dinner that evening. And as soon as he got into this marketplace, just minding his own business, this young boy came right up to him almost nose tonose with a very aggressive manner and said, "I'd never seen you before, but you are the ugliest," is the young man saying to the nice husband, "You are the ugliest person I've ever seen in my life. You're so ugly. You make even the back end of a camel look more beautiful than you are. And I don't know what sort of after shave you've been using, but it smells like dog poo. [laughter] Now, actually, that's all of the nasty words which I know because I'm a very good monk. I'm sure you can make up more nasty words, but anyway, all those nasty words. This time in the story, I usually tell about the nastiest curse which I've ever heard. Actually, no. The second, okay, two nastiest curs curses [snorts] and all companies are from the Middle East. And I was just chatting with sort of a Muslim fellow once in an airport. You know, when you're in an airport, you got to do something so you get some really good stories for your next talk. So he told me, he said, "The worst curse in the Middle East, if you really want to upset somebody, actually the two worst curse, this is the second worst curse." And the second worst curse is to tell somebody, "May the fleas from a thousand camels infest your armpits." [laughter] The fleas, you know, fleas from a thousand camels infest your armpits. Well, it's got some style, I suppose. I personally laugh at that. Please don't do that to your wife, your husband, or please don't do that to your boss when you go to work on Monday. But the worst one was even more profound. And the worst, you know, the worst curse, I think it must have come from the Sufi tradition in the Middle East. The worst curse you can give to somebody is may you get everything you want as soon as you want it. And I thought after hearing that first curse in the second worse and that worst curse, wow, that really blew me away. May you get everything you want as soon as you want it. Is that heaven? It's not at all be because a lot of time know your life is about working hard striving to make things better. If you got everything straight away which was wonderful the meaning of your life will be gone. You can think about that when you go home. But anyway because it doesn't happen. So it's only an idea. But anyway going going back to this young boy. So really swearing, really letting this this uh husband just really just be so criticized, so badly defamed, cursed or whatever. And so the husband couldn't take it. Said, "I don't even know you. Why you picking on me?" And the husband just turned around and went straight back home. When he went home, bang the door, his wife said, "You're home early, dear. We don't want to go that stupid market ever again. Those people in the market are just so bad manned, so illtempered. I don't knowah is really angry. But of course, like many wives, you know how to deal with angry husbands. You just one of the ways to deal with anger is to speak slowly. And after a while, of course, he calms down. But anyway, when he did calm down, she asked him, "What happened to you?" And he said, "I went to that stupid market and this young man came along, he started again." And she once he finished, he said, "Oh, him." You know, he does that to everybody. That poor young boy when he was very young he fell over and hit his head and his brain damaged. The poor young boy can never go to school. Poor young man can never get a job. He can't find another person to share his life with. So we just allow him to come to the market. And he he curses me. Much worse than that sometimes. He curses everybody from time to time. He's only he's got brain damage. That's all. And as soon as he realized the reason he was being cursed, nothing wrong with the the husband, it was it was just a a sickness in the boy. And so he calmed down. And as soon as his wife saw that he calmed down, his wife said, "Um, I still need those eggs." So he turned around and went back into the market. And when he went back into the market, this young boy criticized him again, cursed him, sweared at him. But this time it didn't matter. The poor boy, he got brain damage. And so he went to buy the eggs and the lady selling the eggs. Don't worry about him. He's bad. Yeah, I know. What a shame. And he managed to get cursed for half an hour in the market. And it didn't hurt him at all. Why? Cuz he's being criticized by someone with brain damage. What's the meaning of that story? If your wife comes home from work and she starts criticizing you and cursing you, isn't I got to switch it around. [laughter] It's It's nothing to do with you. [laughter] Just assume that somebody's hit her on the head that day and she's got brain damage temporarily. Because in Buddhism, all anger is temporary brain damage.
- Everyone has invisible spikesAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Analogy: everyone grows invisible spikes. Some people enter a room and scratch everyone; most have average-length spikes that hurt only up close; a few have almost none — you…
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invisible spikes I forget where I learned this story it's a very beautiful image everyone has got spikes coming out of them invisible spikes some people their spikes are so long and so sharp they come into this room and everyone feels uncomfortable you get scratched you feel real you don't want to be around such people most people have got average leg spikes yeah you can be sitting next to them it's fine but you get too close and you get scratched but most some people have only got small amounts of spikes yeah you know you can be friendly to one another but you get too close and no you get scratched you know even in relationships you know your spikes are very very withdrawn but you get too close and there were some people who've got no spikes at all if you ever meet there wow they're amazing people you feel so safe they will never criticize you or harm you no matter how close or stupid you get
- His grandfather said you're stupidStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A brilliant monk in the monastery did terribly at school because his beloved grandfather once looked at his results and said 'you're stupid'. He believed it and stopped trying;…
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one day his grandfather took him aside saw his school results so far and said you're stupid and he loved his grandfather so much he believed it and he said from that moment on sort of he didn't do what at school at all everything else is brilliant if his grandfather hadn't said that he'd have been at University he's a very smart Monk
- “I haven't got a tail — I'm not a dog”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A parent tells Ajahn Brahm that their bullied son used a Thai teaching he'd brought back: if someone calls you a dog, look at your bottom to see if you have a tail; if not,…
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They said their son was being bullied at school, bullying is a big thing. And they said a little teaching which really helped them, a very simple teaching, was that teaching which I took back from Thailand, which means that you don't listen to other people's criticisms. It was that teaching, if somebody calls you a dog, you look at your bottom to see if you've got a tail. If you haven't got a tail, you're not a dog, it is the end of the problem. And this actually happened because these bullies, they called this kid a dog, and he would remember the story, this was a kid at school, remember the story, he looked at his bottom, "sorry I haven't got a tail, I'm not a dog". And those kids stopped bullying him after that.
- The celibate monk at the Gay Pride breakfastStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: When the Sunday Telegraph quotes the Dalai Lama as saying you can't be both Buddhist and gay, Ajahn Brahm writes a letter to the paper saying that's wrong; it is published. Some…
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I remember standing up for the gay community when an article appeared in the newspaper—it began in the Sunday Telegraph, which quoted the Dali Llama as saying you can't be a Buddhist and a gay at the same time. That's wrong. I can't allow that. So I wrote a letter to the newspaper and it got published. And I got some sort of comments, "you cannot criticise the Dali Llama", but you can criticise anybody, you can crticise me— I get it wrong sometimes. There's no person in this world who can't be criticised, and that's not being disrespectful— more important that the person is the truth, compassion. We don't worship people, we worship principles, so I stood up for the gay community and I was very happy. I got some comments back which were negative, but my reward for that was being invited to the Gay Pride breakfast. (LAUGHTER) I was very proud of that award. I always remember that—it was really good fun: rocking up to this Gay Pride breakfast and saying a few words—I remember what I said, I said, "In this whole meeting over here, you're all gay, but I'm more deviant than any one of you: I'm celibate.
- The donkey in the wellStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A farmer tries to bury a donkey that fell into a dry well; with every shovelful of dirt, the donkey shakes it off and steps up on it, until it climbs out, bites the farmer and…
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there was a donkey, just walking happily along in the forest, just munching and minding its own business. Because it wasn't mindful, he fell into a well, the well was dry so it didn't drown, and he didn't really injure himself, just a few bruises and scratches. When the donkey came to his senses he realized he was at the bottom of a well and there's no way up because donkeys can't climb. The only thing the donkey thought he could do was to cry for help to get someone's attention otherwise he would die down there of starvation. So he started crying for help. [makes donkey sound] I can't really do donkey noises, as I think now you have understood because probably I've got no previous incarnations as a donkey. [laughter] Ajahn: Those people who imitate animal noises, it must be that in your last life you were an animal. [laughter] As for me, I wasn't a donkey in my last life so [makes donkey sound] is the best I can do. " [makes donkey sound] ," said the donkey again and again. After a couple of hours actually somebody heard him. It was the local farmer. "What's making that noise?" He came over and saw it was coming from the well. He looked down, "my goodness, a donkey has fallen down that well." Now that farmer never liked that donkey. The donkey was always eating his farm produce and was being very stubborn. He'd never do what the farmer wanted. He also realized that well was a very dangerous thing. Somebody might fall in that well, a human. He thought of a wonderful idea. He could get rid of that dangerous well and the donkey at the same time. He got out a spade and started filling that well with earth. The cruel farmer. Now, if you do something like that it's called "bad karma." If you do any bad karma you're going to get unpleasant consequences, as you will see as this story develops. [laughter] So this donkey at the bottom of the well, thinking at first the farmer would help him, realized the farmer's trying to kill him by shoveling all this dirt over the donkey. When the donkey realized that, [makes donkey sound] even louder. [laughter] But that didn't stop the farmer. He just kept shoveling more dirt over this donkey, more and more dirt, trying to fill in the well and bury the donkey alive. After a while the donkey went quiet and never said anything. The farmer thought, "I've killed him." "I've buried him. Good riddance," and kept on shoveling. But the donkey hadn't died. The donkey, who must have also gone to Nollamara in the previous life... [laughter] Ajahn: ...had insight. He was a very smart donkey. Never underestimate donkeys. His insight was this. Instead of complaining when people throw dirt all over you, instead of complaining, just shake it off, tread it in, and he found he was growing a centimeter taller. The next shovel full of earth, shake it off, stamp it in, he's another centimeter higher. Every shovel of earth, he was getting closer and closer to the top of the well. Now the farmer, thinking the donkey had died already, paid no attention at all, shoveling, shoveling, when a pair of donkey ears appeared above the top of the well. Shovel, shovel, shovel. Shake it off, stamp it in, until a donkey head appeared at the top of the well. Before the farmer realized, the donkey was close enough to the surface it jumped out and bit the farmer on the backside. [laughter] Ajahn: Not because the donkey didn't like the farmer, but because he had to show the farmer the law of karma. [laughter] He was just an agent of cause and effect. He ran away. That's how the donkey escaped from the well.
- The Tibetan monk who never got to speakStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A former caretaker became a Buddhist because of a talk in a Melbourne public library that never happened. As a Tibetan monk was about to speak, a fundamentalist Christian stood…
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one of our ex-caretakers here a long time ago said he became a Buddhist because an experience he had listening to a talk in Melbourne many many years ago there was a Tibetan Buddhist monk was to give a talk in the public library and so he went along just for interest not really a Buddhist yet and well this Tibetan monk just before he got up to give the talk one of these fundamental Christian people stood up and started to harangue the monk say he was evil a messenger from the devil and Jesus Jesus was the only way and Buddhist being quite gentle said okay you said your stuff Nana please sit down and be quiet we want to listen to the Monk but that just made the Christian fundamentalist even more speaking louder and more aggressively and it took 45-50 minutes to get this guy to leave the auditorium and that's all the time they had for the talk so everyone had to go home and they might never said anything but this young man said that was the most inspiring thing he'd ever seen simply because when this monk was being criticized and put down and scolded and said was evil and part of the devil's crew or whatever the monk was just sitting there peacefully and calm even though he's being scolded he realized that's not what he was
- “You're dressed like a girl. That's sick.”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: While loading the overloaded Kombi van in North Perth in his first years in Australia, a 14-year-old visiting her grandmother next door eyes the robed, bald monk with teenage…
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This little 14 year old girl came out roughly about 14 She was visiting her grandma in the house next door and she came up and looked at me with All the disgust only a teenage girl can actually give She had her hands on her hips and look me up and down I Can't do disgust, but you know really yeah, and he said looked at me and said you're dressed like a girl That's sick She was really trying to upset me because I can see her point you know you're wearing a skirt And a bald head, but girls don't wear board heads. I'm uh sort of beanie on or something, but anyway She was really disgusted authoress was so funny