# The villages without grief

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-village-without-grief
- Themes: assumptions, death, culture, knowledge vs truth
- Life situations: grief, bereavement, fear of death

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Living nine years at a Thai cremation-ground monastery, Ajahn Brahm saw villagers bring their dead without grieving, which contradicted everything he had learned about loss.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

the monastery I was staying most of the time was a cremation ground. So all the villagers in the local area used that place for the funerals. So we'd do the funeral, we'd see all the villagers, they'd come, bring their dead, we'd do all the chanting and the services, we'd see them that afternoon, that evening, the next day. And there was something very strange, there was no grief, they just didn't cry, not just cry, they weren't even sad when somebody died. This was not suppressing their grief because you saw them every day, they just, wasn't there, it was a culture in which grief was absent and that really shocked me, and I was there nine years so this was no just, short visit, and I thought that was impossible because my learning had said that when you lose someone you love you have to have grief. The truth of the matter, there was no grief there.

## Teaching point

“Never allow your learning to block the truth.”

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

For nine years Ajahn Brahm watched villagers bring their dead and go home without grief, something his learning said was impossible. This isn't a rule for how anyone should grieve, and your own sorrow is allowed. It is a gentle nudge to hold even our firmest assumptions lightly, so they don't hide what is really there.

## Source

- [Four Ways of Letting Go | Ajahn Brahm | 09-04-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USC5MJVZLy8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 50:14 to 51:19: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USC5MJVZLy8&t=3014s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Dealing with Emotions | Ajahn Brahm | 15-06-2007](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17_TtOysQOA) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:03:31 to 1:04:33: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17_TtOysQOA&t=3811s
- [Freedom: The Path To Happiness | Ajahn Brahm | 11-05-2007](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnY050r025I) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 4:56 to 8:45: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnY050r025I&t=296s
- [Understanding Arguments | Ajahn Brahm | 15-04-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDgBfvFv-54) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 8:54 to 10:02: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDgBfvFv-54&t=534s
- [Cztery sposoby na to, jak odpuścić - Ajahn Brahm [LEKTOR PL]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXR9emyoJlA) (Sasana.pl) — watch from 50:13 to 51:28: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXR9emyoJlA&t=3013s