Stories about perfectionism
9 Buddhist wisdom stories about perfectionism from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- Looking for a tortoise with a moustacheAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Chah used to say that looking for a happiness that doesn't exist is like looking for a tortoise with a moustache. Just because you haven't seen one doesn't mean it doesn't…
Read full story
Ajahn Chah used to make that uh statement, and he would keep on repeating it. And when we were like looking for some sort of happiness that didn't exist, he said that was like looking for a a tortoise with a mustache. Have you ever seen a tortoise with a mustache? Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Just you haven't found it yet. So, what many people do, they spend their whole lives looking for a tortoise with a mustache, realizing such things just don't exist.
- Looking for the perfect partnerStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A rich, gorgeous, double-first graduate decides he's so perfect he must marry the most perfect girl. In Sydney he finds a magazine-cover beauty, but she can't cook. In Melbourne…
Read full story
there's a person over in sort of Australia over in Sydney and this guy he was you know very very wealthy he inherited a lot of money from his grandfather and he was about 6' three blue-eyed really strong great pecs he was actually dropped dead gorgeous and he thought you know he had a a double first from from Cambridge and he thought look so what a great guy I am I'm absolutely perfect Rich goodlooking well educated cultured he said I'm So Perfect now I'm going to choose the most perfect girl in the world you know to marry and I'm not going to I'm not going to choose settle for second breath she has to be really perfect so I went over to Sydney and found this really really gorgeous girl you now the sort of girl you see in the front cover of magazines and he went out with her for a while but just she wasn't perfect enough for him cuz he found out she couldn't cook she was hopeless and so she said no no I want someone who's beautiful and can cook so he went down to Melbourne and he met this girl she was even more beautiful than a girl in Sydney and this girl owned her own restaurant she was a perfect cook so you thought wow this is perfect girl for me but after going out with her for a few weeks know he dumped her too cuz she was stupid you know know he had to double first from Oxford he tried to relate to her and she didn't know anything so she wasn't perfect enough and so where did he come next to Perth and there he found the most beautiful girl in the whole world oh she was really really gorgeous she was like Heavenly it's like an angel and she owned five restaurants and her cookie just would just make just make sort of all these celebrity chef STW they were nowhere near as good as this cook and she was so intelligent she had a double first not only from Cambridge but from Harvard and Oxford and Y and everywhere and from uwa she was so intelligent she was the most perfect girl but he couldn't marry her either you know why because she was looking for the perfect guy
- Loose robes at the yacht clubStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After a talk on Buddhism to Perth executives at a yacht/boat club, a woman who grew up in a Catholic convent tells Ajahn Brahm that his constantly falling-off loose robes are a…
Read full story
I went to give a talk over in quarry I think it's one of the boat clubs there though or yacht clubs and a little restaurant nearness is one of these talks I love going to talks to places I've never been before and it's one of the interesting things about being among you get all over the place and this was a group of executives you know executives in Perth who met her once a month in this know your club had dinner and wine and all sorts of other stuff that never gave me anything good job because I can't eat it or drink it but it was after the talk I gave Ono and Buddhism and sort of attitudes we have I was a member of this executive came up after with me and said yeah I was listening to what you said it's very interesting and important but what I really noticed is your robes and just how loose they went how they keep falling off and he said she said I take that as a symbol of Buddhism because she said she was brought up in a Catholic convent where the nuns there were just so tight nothing ever fell off and he said it was just so strict and so tight there was no freedom there there's no relaxation no ease if something went wrong like something fell off you can't do that that's wrong but she saw me in this very loose robe with things falling off that's Buddhism and I easy comfortable and if things fall off we learn from that we accept that we just put it up again finish what's the problem but if you feel guilty I'll be the monk for 36 years and I still can't keep my robe on when I give a talk you hopeless hopeless hopeless
- Quit while you're ahead — count the clean platesJoke · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Before washing up, count clean plates versus dirty ones; if clean outnumber dirty, quit while you're ahead. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow — you might die…
Read full story
Before if you go home this evening, before you go to wash the dishes, have a look at how many clean plates and sauces you have, you know, in the drawers or in the shelves. Have a look at how many dirty dishes you have. Count them. Compare them. And if the number of clean dishes outnumber the dirty dishes, then quit while you're ahead. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow because you might die tonight
- Seven out of tenAnalogy · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: As a maths teacher he set exams aiming for an average of seven out of ten: scores of three or four discourage children, and nines and tens hide the weaknesses he needs to address…
Read full story
It was a simile.. when I had to set my first exam paper as a teacher I was a school teacher for one year. I often say that anyone who teaches at a high school after one year, any one would think about being a monk or a nun (laughter) I actually did it. Teenagers are really hard ... But any way... So I was teaching and I had to set the first examination It is not easy to set an examination What are you supposed to do? So I went to one of the senior teachers and he said look try and set the level of difficulty so the average score becomes 70 percent He said if everybody gets top marks so we get 100 percent or 95 or 90 percent it's waste of time, it is not a real test it is too easy. If everybody gets 30, 40, 50 percent that means they get discouraged, they lose motivation and they give up They think 'I can't do that subject' so he told me "please set the level to be about 70 percent" Because that would encourage people. If they get about 70 percent right that's the average, they'll be encouraged yes they can do that subject. And the 30 percent where they make mistakes He said, that's where you, their teacher can see their weak points. So in the next lessons you can address those areas where they haven't understood what you have been teaching. The mistakes.. And I took that to be a wonderful metaphor for life. If any of you get 100 percent in life you are learning nothing. It's not a test, you don't grow. If you get 40, 50 percent in life or less that's where you get depressed and view yourself hopeless and lose all your self-esteem. If you get about 70 percent in life that is the best. You are encouraged. Yes you are having happiness, you are having some success, you feel good about yourself you can do some things. but you are making 30 percent mistakes. Brilliant! Because that's where you learn. So if you got a partner, they're 100 percent they are a waste of time, dump them. (laughter) If they're 50 percent, Oh that's hopeless that's too difficult if you've got a partner that's 70 percent nice and loving and 30 percent they nag you and criticize you That is the very very best! That is the right level. Because that's where you can learn to grow together
- The perfect Zen gardenStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A young Japanese gardening monk makes the most admired garden in Japan. An old meditation monk climbs in early one morning and hides to learn his secret. The gardener meditates,…
Read full story
Because one of the stories which I read many years ago and I think I retold it in one of my first books about the Japanese garden and the Zen master. Zen masters are usually really cool because they're totally um just uh almost off the planet in the way they do things. Totally un you can't understand them at first but they tell a very good message. And this Japanese master uh actually the young Japanese uh monk was a gardener and he made these amazing gardens and his garden was one of the most famous in the whole of Japan. People would come from all over to admire just the balance of his garden. You just took one look at it and it was wow really sort of was an amazing work of art. So this old old monk, an old meditation monk came early one morning, but the garden was closed. It was only supposed to be opened in the afternoon. [clears throat] But anyway, the old monk, he climbed over the the railings and hid behind the bushes. He wanted to find out the secret of the most perfect garden in the whole of Japan. And he waited. And then the gardening monk came out and he sat and meditated to prepare his mind just to get the clarity and the peace and the artistic balance in his own mind before he worked on the garden. And then he took these two big wicker baskets. In the middle of the garden was this very beautiful plum tree. And he went with those two baskets and picked up one by one every leaf or twig which had fallen the night before from the wind. And before putting them in the baskets, he would look at the little twig to see whether it had artistic merit. If it was the right shape or the right curvature, then he would put it in the good basket. If it was rubbish, he would put it in the rubbish basket. And the same with the leaves. Every leaf he picked up and examined it. And if he could make use of it, the right color, the right shape, he put it in the the good basket and the others in the rotten basket. It took him hours to clean up the garden of all the the leaves and twigs which had fallen the night before. A couple of hours. And then he stopped. He put the rubbish leaves on the compost and then he took tea. And after he took tea, he meditated for the most important part of the ceremony of the making the beautiful garden. He took the basket of beautiful leaves and flowers and not little twigs and he placed them one one by one in the garden in exactly the right place in exactly the correct orientation so that they balanced and the interconnectivity of the leaves and the twigs and the colors. Sometimes you'd have to pause and correct. He looked at it and he'd move a twig slightly. Yes, that's it. I don't know if you ever seen great artists at work, but sometimes great artists at work, we think they're just being being just [snorts] uh too too picky, but really great artists, they can see the big canvas of the garden and know exactly where things need to be just slightly changed. And after another couple of hours, he was finished and he admired his work. Most beautiful garden in the whole of Japan, he thought. And he was about to open the gate to let the visitors in. But then the old monk came out from behind the bush. And he said to the young gardening monk said, "I've been watching you all morning." and he said, "Your attention to detail is just so impressive. I've seen you just picking up all the bad leaves and the good leaves, separating them out and putting the good leaves." Look at that. That's amazing, George. Your artistic um taste and talent is incredible. He said, "Your garden," said the old monk, "is perfect." And at that word, almost. You could see the color drain from that gardening monk's face. So his lips start to quiver and he fell to his knees and he said to the old meditation monk, "Oh master, master, you've been sent by the Buddha himself to come and teach me how to make my garden even more perfect. Please instruct me. Please let your compassion flow. Please tell me your great wisdom. How can my garden be even more perfect?" And the old monks, by the way, never trust an old monk. He asked, he asked the old monk. And the old monk said, "Do you really want me to show you?" "Yes, please don't hold back your your great skill and wisdom." So the old monk stroed right into the middle of the garden, put his hands, he was old but still very strong around the plum tree and shook the hell out of it. Twigs, leaves fell all over the place, making a big mess of the garden. A whole morning's work destroyed. And that monk was so upset and angry. But imagine how he felt when the monk looked at his work with the the garden a big mess and then said, "Now that is perfect."
- The postulant who tried too hard to be perfectStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A former monastery postulant tells Ajahn Brahm in Melbourne that he was so afraid of breaking a rule, controlling his body, speech and mind, that the tension became unbearable…
Read full story
There was one of the men I saw in Melbourne, he used to be an Anagarika in my monastery down in Perth a long time ago. But he was saying when he was first there, he was trying so hard to be perfect. He was so afraid of breaking a rule. And that's why he got so tense trying to control his body, control his speech, control his mind. He got so tense, he couldn't stand it and he left.
- The suggestion box at BarreStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A well-funded meditation centre in Barre, Massachusetts — one of the first places for meditation retreats in the West — wondered what more it could do and put in a suggestion…
Read full story
once I remember this uh meditation center in Barry, Massachusetts, one of the first uh places where you can do meditation retreats. And they put a lot of money into that. And then one day they decided, you know, what more can we do? Let's put in like a suggestions box. Now, we don't have suggestion boxes here. Thank goodness. [laughter] because the suggestion box filled up within an hour and they thought they' done so cuz it's easy the closer you get to perfection the more uh faults you find.
- Two bad bricks in the wallStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Building the broke new monastery at Serpentine, the ex-physicist monk lays his first brick wall with painstaking perfectionism — then sees two crooked bricks. He wants to…
Read full story
The story of the two bad bricks in the wall, twenty six years ago, twenty seven years ago when we moved to Serpentine to build that monastery down there we had no money, we were broke, and because... we owed money for the land, there were no buildings on that property. So I had to learn how to build. And I was theoretical physicist before, ok, in my head doing sums all day. Now I had to get out there and get my hands dirty and mix concrete and lay bricks and put on a roof and do plumbing. Everything we did. And even to this day, if any of you going into that main hall in our monastery, I am the builder. My name is on the building license for that. And it's still standing so that's pretty good. [LAUGHTER] So in particular, this story I had to learn how to lay bricks. Laying bricks was not a simple thing to do, it may look easy but it's so hard to get everything level. But, as most people would be I was a perfectionist. I had to make sure that brick was perfectly level before I went onto the next one. Sometimes one corner was high, you'd knock it down and another corner would go up. You knock that corner down then it would go out of line. You knock it back into line thinking it was finished, you notice one of the corners was high again. It was just one of those jobs which, where you couldn't get everything in the right place but you kept on trying until you got it. It took a long time but it didn't matter cause I wasn't being paid. So I could take however long I wanted. And when I finished that wall, that first brick wall, like anybody else you were proud, finished, you stood back to look at it and admire it, and it was only then when it was finished I noticed that two bricks were crooked. All the other bricks were straight, two bricks were crooked. So what would you do? What I did was try and scrape the mortar out so I could reset the bricks so they could be perfect. But the mortar was hard, you couldn't scrape it out. And the other monk who was with me at the time, Ajahn Jagaro, I asked him look can we afford, can we please afford some dynamite so I blow it up and start again? Bulldozer would do, push it over. Because...that spoiled the whole wall. Those two bad bricks, they ruined the whole thing. But we couldn't, I was stuck with it, we were too poor to do anything with it. So for three months, every time I went passed that wall I saw my mistakes and I felt so sad. I'd stuffed up. And the worst thing about stuffing up when you're building everybody could see it, you can't hide it. It's a big wall, out there in the open. So, every time there was a visitor, I would actually volunteer to take them around so I could, you know, take them somewhere else so they wouldn't see my mistakes. At night time I'd have nightmares about that wall. I would, I'd dream of it, because I'd really made a big mistake and everybody could see it. And it was three months, roughly, I'm not quite sure it's a long time ago now, about three months somebody else was with me and they saw that wall and they said that's a beautiful wall. And I just couldn't believe what I'd heard because for three months I'd been suffering so much with that wall and they said it's a beautiful wall. My first reaction was to ask them are you visually impaired, are you blind, did you leave your glasses in the car? Can't you see those two bad bricks, the crooked ones. And what they said next just changed much of the way I look at life and stopped a lot of inherent depression in myself. What they said was yes I can see the two bad bricks, but I can also see the nine hundred and ninety eight good bricks as well. And that really hit me, because I realised for three months I was blind. All I ever saw was my two mistakes and I just could not see all the beautiful perfect bricks which I had laid. And when that guy told me what about the nine hundred and ninety eight good bricks that was the first time in three months that I could actually see the bricks above, below, to the left and the right of my two mistakes. And I had to agree with the fellow, it was a beautiful wall, once I could see the whole picture.