Stories about trust
16 Buddhist wisdom stories about trust from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- 20,000 to one: the husband who lied onceStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After a talk in Malaysia a mathematics lecturer asks whether to divorce her husband because she discovered he lied. Ajahn Brahm does the statistics: three years, about 20,000…
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The classic tale was when I was teaching in Malaysia, and somebody asked me this question at the end of the talk. I have found out this morning my husband has lied to me. My husband has lied. I can't trust him anymore. Should I get divorced? She asked me whether she should get divorced. Quick I asked her what are you doing at this university. She was a lecturer on mathematics. So I saw an opportunity to answer her question, I asked how long have you been married, she said three years. I said let's do some statistics. Three years is maybe one thousand days. Lets say for the sake of this argument, let's assume that on average throughout your three years of marriage, your husband has said maybe twenty things to you every day, on average, which could be right, which could be wrong. So he's said twenty thousand statements to you since you've been married and now he's lied for the first time. The quantum probability theory on his past record, the next time he opens his mouth there is a twenty thousand to one chance he's telling the truth. What do you mean you can't trust him? [LAUGHTER] Isn't that pretty good odds, twenty thousand to one? If every time a politician opened their mouth with twenty thousand to one chance they're telling the truth, I'd vote for them, wouldn't you? They'd be trust worthy. But you can see what we've pointed out, that why is it that one lie, a real lie, they'd lied, why is that given so much prominence that everything else is totally forgotten and ignored? This is the stupidity of our human being which is just so fault finding and negative it hasn't got a balanced perspective on life. That lady wanted to destroy her marriage. Once I told her that story they stayed together.
- Christopher Nightingale and the tin-can bombStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At age ten, Ajahn Brahm and his chemistry-wizard friend Christopher Nightingale make a bomb in a tin can and set it off in the local park. The park keeper catches them. He…
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I know one of the most stupid things I did as a kid, only 10 years of age, and one of my best friends, I still remember his name, Christopher Nightingale. He was a wizard chemistry and together we made a bomb. We made a bomb in a tin can. And my goodness, it worked. We let it off in the local park. It went bang. And we thought we were so good and so wonderful. I was so proud of just how loud that went. Until the park keeper caught the both of us. We were in big trouble after that. But you know, those were the days when it's just kids being kids. You know, if I made a bomb these days, kids made a bomb these days, they get sent to Guantanamo Bay as terrorists. Those innocent days of my youth. But it was dangerous. I could have killed myself or blown off a hand or something.
- Fridge full, no one cameStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: In the first year or two at Magnolia Street, food in the fridge could not be eaten unless presented that day. Sometimes nobody came; they watched the clock to noon with a full…
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When we first came here to we lived in a little house in Magnolia Street there with Ajahn Chah the two of us and we have a rule that you know, we can't sort of eat food ourselves. It has to be presented to us in the morning time. It's presented the night before the day before that set. We can't eat it. Has to be presented to us that particular day. And it did happen many times. We get up in the morning and no one came. We looked inside the fridge. The fridge was full of food. We were counting down to noon. After we can't eat after noon. 11:00 still no one had come. And you can look inside the fridge and all this food was there. 11:30 still no one had come. 11:55 12:00 no food that day. We used to survive. It's only just fasting for a day. It's no big deal. But that was only in the first few the year or two of being a monk over here.
- Let them go to the nightclub with your permissionStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A widowed close disciple worried about her kids wanting nightclubs with drugs and alcohol. He said they will go anyway — better with your permission; trust them. She did; they…
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there was a lady here she lost her husband he's very very close disciple her kids she came up to me once and said they want to go to nightclub and said nightclub you know there's drugs in nightclub alcohol I said look you know your kids are going to go to the nightclub anyway so you might as well let them go and then they go with your permission rather than going against your permission and anyway they're good kids trust them for goodness sake and of course she did trust those kids she followed my advice and the kids had a wonderful life they're doing really really well in life nowadays they didn't go do anything wrong
- Mum left him on the High StreetStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: As a child in London his mother leaves him outside on the High Street while she shops — early lesson in trust, fear and return.
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my mother took me not to the shopping center in London those days were just the High Street
- Okay darling — I'll help you packStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Perth mother whose six-year-old wanted to leave home packed his teddy and PlayStation, made a sandwich, kissed him at the door; ~50 metres later he came home homesick to…
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Mommy I don't love you any longer I want to leave home a six yearold wanted to leave home you know what mommy did Mommy said good idea darling I'll help you pack your bags this last week's did I told a story okay cuz I I give so many talks I'm getting old now so my memor sometimes go wouldn't I tell this last story I think it was at the retreat so okay darling you can leave home and Mommy went to pack the suitcase for her little kid six-year-old so went to the bedroom got the little kids suitcase and packed all the important things in life like the teddy bear like the PlayStation and other things in little bag and mommy said oh darling before you leave I'll make you something for lunch so the mommy made a sandwich for a kid and the kid carrying the the the sandwich in one hand and her a bag uh suitcase in the left hand in the other hand just a mommy kissed her her son six-year-old at the front door and the kid walked to the end of the Garden Path opened the door and just went off into their life he let the six-year-old leave home and of course you know what the six-year-old did it just got about maybe 50 m past the garden gate when he got homesick turned around came through the garden gate up the Garden Path and mommy was still waiting there welcome home darling
- Paying for the timber: the builder's discountStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Building Bodhinyana in the early days, Ajahn Brahm collected a lot of timber in a rush from a timber yard on Brookton Highway and realised back at the monastery that some of it…
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I'll just mention this um today when the one of the first times when I was building Bodana Monastery that uh we this was um I don't mind I mention it was Collie and Sons they had a a timber yard down Brookton Highway went there one day to get some timber to build a cooty or something and it's a lot of timber I was in a rush when I got back I said oh my goodness we we there's some stuff we hadn't paid for. So I went back on the next day and had the I said look you know we got some timber from you yesterday and just in a rush with no intention we hadn't paid for it you know can we sort of pay the difference and a fellow looked at me as if I was like from Mars or some alien planet somewhere and he said just hold on a moment and he went up to see the big the big manager and then he said okay you can pay for the extra timber But now you're on a builder's discount. And we're not builders. Well, not really professional builders, but you know that he gave us a builder's discount. And just the amount of money, you know, the monastery paid just for that bit of timber, maybe $10 or $15. We made that back 10, 20, 100 times probably by getting the builder's discount from that place. He said, because it's weird. Not many people do that. Not many people are honest and trustworthy.
- The ants and the A-frame hutStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Brahm builds the A-frame hut at Serpentine right next to an ant mound — against the Vinaya — after chanting and apologising to the ants and promising not to disturb them.…
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You know that big A-frame over in Serpentine still there? I built that and it was right next to an ant mount and it was a beautiful place but you're not really supposed to build a monk's hut next to an ant mount to disturb it. That's against the vinaya. But so what I did and I went there did some chanting wishing all those ants well pleased. Look, I'm sorry. I will not try and disturb you at all. I'm going to build this heart without disturbing you. And I managed to do that. I never so touched that ant mound at all. And so that once that hut was finished, I was the first person to stay in that hut. And the ants never bothered me at all. You know, they could climb in if they really wanted to. But they they stayed away from my hut. They went underneath it. They went around it, but never actually in it until one day one of the anagarakers, they weren't being mindful. They drove the tractor over that ant. I felt so disappointed. From that day on, the ants started to come into the kouti. That's no exaggeration. Sometimes your kindness can actually do so many wonderful things if you're kind to the group of ants and the ants will never harm you or hurt you. And that's, you know, afterwards if you break that trust, of course, they'll come in.
- The blank cheque he gave backStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: After a talk on generosity in which Ajahn Brahm muses that the finest gift would be a blank cheque, a man in the audience actually gives him one, signed. Ajahn Brahm keeps it for…
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Once ... a few months ago, I gave this talk on generosity. And I said that one of the most wonderful acts of generosity wouldn't it be wonderful if a person needs.... because sometimes you give things expecting something back in return, as I said last week about real giving. Sometimes one person..... I said in one talk, even actually, not even saying how much you're gonna give, let me decide, give me a blank check. And one person who's sitting here today gave me a blank check, signed, and I could put whatever amount I wanted on it. He said, put whatever you want on it, the blank check. Isn't that wonderful? Of course, you know what I did. I kept it for a couple of months. And then I gave it back to him. And said, you can put whatever you like on it; not me.
- The jealous husband's astral visitsStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Burmese man working on air-conditioning contracts in Darwin, deeply in love with — and very jealous of — his English wife in Perth, would visit her now and then in his astral…
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There was this uh Burmese gentleman many many years ago and he told me just how he had this job in air conditioning um and you know just uh doing contracts. He had a job in Darwin. So he was in Darwin and his English wife was in Canning Canington somewhere and you know he was you know he really loved his wife. He's a very good man. was incredibly jealous. So, every [laughter] now and again he was over in Darwin and he'd come and visit his wife, you know, his his astral body just to check up that she wasn't misbehaving and she didn't have no none of those powers or anything, but she would know because he was the husband. He would know, okay, it's I can't say it. Say it was Simon. That wasn't his name. He had another name, but I don't want to give the game away who this was. Oh, he said, "Simon, look, I'm faithful to you. Go back to Darwin and go back to work." And it was true, you know, he sort of tell her afterwards that he was actually visiting just to check it out that she was okay.
- The lottery winner led to jailStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A happy man of modest means wins a US lottery of over a hundred million dollars; soon his picture is in the paper as he is led to jail. With wealth came friends he couldn't trust…
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A classic story is few years ago one of the people who won a huge lottery in the United States hundred million dollars or more , his picture was in the newspaper being led to jail He was a very happy man before he won the lottery and as soon as he won the lottery things started to go wrong in his life Sure before he won that lottery he didn't have much money he had enough to enjoy his life, to be able eat and have a modest little house and go out with his friends but as soon as he became really really wealthy all of his friends he could not trust anymore. all were asking for loans or bits of money here and there it was one of the problems with wealth; even though it promises you so much it tends to limit your enjoyment of the world rather than facilitate it
- The tangled brain cleared before the second operationStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Malaysian man in Penang had a rare disease he described as things in the brain physically tangled; after one painful operation it seemed cured, then recurred on CT. Terrified…
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this guy in Pinang is a Malaysian gentleman. And he told me, "Oh, he had this terrible disease, a very rare disease where the best way he could describe it is things in the brain were all tangled up, physically tangled." And he said he had one operation for that and it's really painful and very sort of unpleasant. But he went through it and they thought it was cured. It was very very rare. And then when later on he had some aches and pains in his brain, in his skull, then they said again that it's reoccurred. It's very very rare that reoccurs, but it's back again. They showed him the the CT scans and he was really scared because you've been through these terrible operations once. You don't want to go through them again. Ah, what am I going to do? And so I told him about meditating, meditating properly and just relax. Don't be afraid. Don't try and cure it, but care for it. That's s the trick there. When you try and cure things, you get tense with it. When you care for it, you just allow it to be really relaxed and at ease. And so he did that. And I think straight after the what was supposed to be the operation, he came back up to Pinang, I think, just to see me and just to thank me. He said, "What happened?" He said, "They took the CT scan again." You know, just before the second operation and they said the words to him, "Uh, sir, I'm sorry to say this, but there's something wrong with the CT machine. The cat's going. We have to do it again." And they put him through the CT scan again and realized nothing wrong with the machine. It's something they didn't expect. They whatever the disease was scrambling up some of the stuff in his brain had actually unscrambled and he was perfectly healthy again. So what the heck is going on? They never seen that before. That's he did that sort of procedure in Singapore
- The walking stick that always missedStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: First year at Magnolia Street: a man in a psychotic episode waves a walking stick violently at Brahm but always misses on purpose; half an hour of calm talk ends in trust.
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Magnolia Street, he came and he had a psychotic episode. And he had a walking stick cuz he was still, you know, he couldn't walk properly. And he started, uh, waving quite violently that stick at me. But he always missed me. It's just like he got the stick and trying to whack me on the head, but he would always miss. And it was obvious for me that it was on purpose. He wouldn't hit me. I just sat there talking to him, calming him down for about half an hour. And at the end of that little confrontation, you know, he trusted me. He trusted me so
- The wife who came back for the willStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A Thai woman who never trusted her Chinese husband asks Ajahn Brahm to do her funeral and pay for it, in return leaving her assets to the Buddhist Society; he passes it to the…
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there was this this Thai lady married to a Chinese man and she never trusted her husband at all. So much so she asked me a bra can you please uh do the funeral for me and pay for it and in return we'll I'll dedicate uh you know my assets is not that much my assets to the Buddhist society and I told them at the time I can't do that I can't do deals as a monk but I'll give it to our committee and they said yeah this is a nice little earner you know they're paying for funerals a few thousand dollars but the what would you get from the inheritance or from the will be worth much more than that. So we signed off on that and I did a funeral for them. Then after the funeral was finished that uh I did ask the widow George said have you got the the will said no I can't find it it's disappeared and I didn't want to harass him so just left it be. Then one morning that's when he came to monastery very early in the morning. George, I've never seen a man of any tradition so frightened. He said, "AJ," he came in a taxi all the way from, I think, Mlands all the way to Serpentine really early in the morning. He said, "AJ, can I give you this?" What is it? He says, "It's the will. Here, take it now, please. Quick, now." And what happened? Last night, my wife came as a ghost. George, George, you know where that will is. Take her to Ajam Brahm now. He was so scared. He was scared of her when she was alive. She was doubly scared. No, she was dead. So sometimes that's what you have to do. You just she was making sure her husband did the right thing and then after he did the right thing, then she could disappear.
- Walking home from the airport without askingStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: With no money, Ajahn Brahm finds people offer him a cup of tea at the airport. One of his monks tests it: returning to Perth from overseas, he tells no one his flight and just…
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even just when I was going to Sydney last week last week after giving a Friday night talk the following morning after to S you to give some talks you get to the airport of course no monk don't have any money so how can a monk get himself a cup of tea so you look around and kind to somebody say oh do you want a cup of tea that' be very nice thank you it's amazing actually really if you have lots of compassion you don't need even need to have a credit card so one of our marks was trying this cuz we always have these um you know s of almost like competitions to see whether this actually things actually work and he decided he came back from overseas to Perth International Airport and he deliberately did not tell anyone of his flight details when he was going to arrive he just said I'll make my own way from per airport to Bing Monastery of serpentine and he thought you know it's a long way it's about 50 km he didn't put his know finger out a hit shik he just wed just to see how powerful kindness was he got about 100 m from the airport when the car stopped where you going and gave him a lift all the way to bodana Monastery and he was just so impressed just how powerful kindness is
- What boys and girls really wantStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: At a big youth conference in Kuala Lumpur, Ajahn Brahm splits the teenagers by sex. He asks the girls what makes a boy attractive: not strength or showing off, but someone they…
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I've talked to youth groups you know young people 14 I the last time was over in quala had this big youth conference and I was talking to the boys and the girls I I separated them out first of all because it's a waste of time talking religion because what boys and girls are interested in is each other so I talked to the boys first of all I said what do you want in a girl girlfriend what would you like in a girlfriend and all the boys suddenly started paying attention you know this is something they don't teach in school and this is something the boys really wanted to know I know when I grew up no one told me you had to try and figure it out for yourself you used to ask other boys and what did they know about what girls want so I asked the girls what do you like in a boy what would make a boy really attractive and they talked with each other and they came to the conclusion it they didn't have to be strong and mash show and show off they wanted boys they could trust they were well groomed not dirty wanted you know people who would make them happy were fun to be with they didn't have to be strong and big it was like trust caring reliable fun to be with that was high on the list of what these girls told me they wanted in a boyfriend he asked the boys what you want in a girl do they have to be drop dead gorgeous well it helps I'm a boy but it's not that important what the boys wanted and they said this we wanted someone we can trust someone who will care for us someone who's fun to be with it's amazing it's exactly the same thing you want someone who you can be with trusting care he in you can relate with and have fun together with they were the highest priority