The hole is too deep — or your arms too short?

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• He pats the monastery car

  In brief: Other monks can't start the car; he pats it, says kind words, pulls the starter — it works. Treat the tired car like a being that came…

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  Pat it okay I admit that I patted it and said said some nice words to it and pull the Str it would work it would so it's true you try that to your car if it if you're cruel to your car it will keep breaking down if you stroke and said there car come on no I know you're tired you come all the way out there a hot weather today you come to you know the temple and it's really really late now

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• One sentence every seven years

  In brief: In a strict silent monastery a monk may say one sentence to the abbot every seven years. After seven years, the wise words he rehearsed…

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  This is an old joke about this man who joined a monastery, and as he joined this monastery, was a very strict monastery, where you weren't allowed to speak at all, its absolute silence except after seven years, you are allowed to say one sentence to the abbot, the idea was so he could have some idea of your spiritual progress. So this young man joined this very strict monastery. And after six years, 11 months and 30 days of absolute silence, you can imagine his excitement when the next morning he could say his first sentence to the abbot. So he decided to practice in his cell something wise, you know, to inspire his abbot, something very meaningful something, you know, like one saying you find in a book. And he practices this amazing wise saying, when he went into the abbot's room, his mind went totally blank, you know what it's like, and the words which came out was “the food in this place is terrible”. Now the point was he didn't have another chance to say a word, he'd had his sentence and he'd blown it and he felt so terrible! Now he has to wait another seven years. So 13 years 11 months and 30 days, now he had his second chance to say something, and this time he was more relaxed, you know, spiritual life had done something, he is more in control of himself. So he had a good night's sleep, really relaxed, rested and his wise words he was supposed to say seven years ago, he went to open his mouth and again he forgot and the words which came out he said “you make us work too hard.” Very good, said the abbot, come back in another seven years. He blown at the second time! And of course, after twenty-one years, now he was totally at ease and he went into the Abbot office, he said precisely what he intended to say, his one sentence was this: “can't stand this place any longer, I'm leaving.” And the abbot replied “very good because you've done nothing but complain ever since you came here.”

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• The PA system that wasn't plugged in

  In brief: Teaching a retreat at Jhana Grove for Singaporean business people and engineers, the PA system won't work and the caretaker is overseas.…

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  like the other day when I was teaching a retreat over at n uh Paul Singapore is on they'll never live this one down you can bring it in here there was teaching a retreat over John and Grove about a week two weeks ago and the the PA system didn't work and Dania was overseas she was you know the caretaker over there they couldn't get the PA system to work and these were really big business people and and Engineers from Singapore and you know so I just gave a talk unplugged and then afterwards I went what's wrong with her I said look it's in the cabinet we haven't got the key for the cabinet and I said look down there it's not plugged in it's just a simple thing turning it on

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• 'I sent you two boats and a helicopter'

  In brief: In a flood in southern Malaysia, a monk devoted to Kwan Yin, the goddess of mercy, climbs onto his roof. A rescue boat comes: 'No, Kwan…

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  There was this flood. Apparently, this was in southern Malaysia a long time ago. And there was this this Buddhist monk who was a devotey of the goddess of mercy, Quanin. And as the floods came, he had to climb up onto his roof. And as he climbed up onto his roof, the floodwaters rose and rose and the venerable, the seafood, that's what they call the monks in in uh in Malaysia in in China, seafue, the seafue was on top of the roof. When the rescue boat came past and the rescue boat crew said, "Jump in, jump in. We've come to save you." He said, "No, I don't need to be saved. I'm a devotey of the goddess of mercy. She will save me. She's never let me down. I have faith. They said, "Look, jump in now. The flood waters arise." He said, "No, leave me alone. Go and save somebody else who doesn't believe in quanin. I am going to be safe." So, okay. Have you met people like that before? Anyway, the flood waters rose and so the fellow was on top of the roof. You know those curly bits on the end of the roof? He was clinging on to one of those. And the boat came past again and said, "Sefu, seafue, we really admire your faith. It's wonderful, but now please jump in the boat." He said, "No, I have faith in the goddess of mercy. She will save me." So they couldn't force him to jump in. So they went away to save somebody else. The floodwaters rose and now he was holding on to his TV aerial. That was the last thing to hold on to. He was holding on to that as a flood waters were sweep sweeping past him. It was too strong for the boat. So they said helicopter and the helicopter dropped the the ladder down and they shouted out she grabbed onto the rope and he shouted out no need I have faith inwin she will save me how was the special effects with they need some feedback every now and She will save me. Hold on to the rope. No. They couldn't force him. So the the helicopter went to save someone else. You know what happened? He drowned. He died. And when he went to heaven, don't worry whether it's a heaven or not. It fits into the story. When he went to heaven, when he went to heaven, oh, he was in a filthy mood. He was really upset and angry. And the first person wanted to say, "I want to see that Kwan Yin." And he went out, he found her up there. And when he went up, he said, "You really let me down. You embarrassed me. I'm You make me ashamed that all those years I've been believing in you. When I really needed you, you let me down. I'm brown." And like most heavenly beings, she looked down upon this devotey and says, "Sefu in a very soft, kind voice, Seu, I didn't let you down. Didn't I send you two boats and one helicopter?

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