Stories for domestic violence
3 Buddhist wisdom stories for domestic violence from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- My father's resolutionStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: His father never spoke of his own father in Liverpool. At 14 or 15 Ajahn Brahm finally gets it out of him: 'Your grandfather was a bastard.' A plumber, he came home drunk almost…
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My father... he was a very kind man. But he would never tell me about my paternal grandfather, my father's dad. And it was frustrating for me every time I asked him, "How was my grandfather like, in Liverpool?" He then asked me, "Be quiet". And then eventually when I was about 14 or 15, I got it out of my dad. I was persistent, "You got to tell me because this is my family. I never saw them because they died during the second World War before I was born. So, how was my paternal grandfather like, and that is when my dad said, please excuse the word, but this is what he said. He said, "Your grandfather was a bastard." He said it was just so much pain in him. That shocked me. I said, "Why?" He said he was not a sexual offender, but a physical offender. He would come home, almost every evening, drunk. He was a plumber. He'd come back drunk, and he'd take off his belt. He'd whip any kid, which you know, he came across. And then he would start beating his wife, my dad's mum. My dad often said that, the pain of just the end of the belt for no reason at all, just my father was drunk. That would never hurt as much as seeing his mother beaten, for no reason at all. He said that really hurt, because he could do nothing to help someone he loved, my paternal grandmother, whom I never saw. But why I say this story for is what my father did about that. He was a child at the time, he could do nothing, except to make this resolution. He told me, he shared it with me this time. He said, "When I was at the end of a beating for no reason, just because my father was drunk, I made this resolution that if ever I survive and have kids myself; and of course he did, me and my brother. If ever I survive, I will never ever do that to my kids. I won't use corporal punishment at all. I'd always remember that. Because I remember several times, brother and I were naughty, just ordinary kids. And sometimes, he'd come into our bedroom with a slipper. He just couldn't do it. He'd just put the slipper down and walked out, because he remembered just what it was like for him.
- The boy who spat on the classroom floorStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A school friend teaches at a tough comprehensive in Wandsworth around the time of the Brixton riots. A boy spits on the floor in front of him and, told to clean it up, swears at…
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I recall one of my old school friends. He became a teacher, a school teacher, and he chose one of the worst schools in the whole of England. It was in Wandsworth, Wandsworth Comprehensive School, I think it was. Actually I shouldn't say it's the worst school because the teachers were very motivated. They had some tough kids in that school. That was a suburb of London next to Brixton and it was at that time they had the big Brixton riots in the south of London. So they had some very tough kids in this school. He told the story once that his class of kids came into the classroom one day and one of the kids spat on his feet, on his shoes. Actually, not on his shoes, just on the floor just in front, just after walking in. So he was quite firm, he said, 'Clean that up.' And the kid said, 'Eff off.' Now what would you do as a teacher you know, if somebody did that and swore at you. So he said, 'Go straight to the deputy principal,' who was the disciplinarian. So he sent the kid to the deputy principal. About a half an hour, an hour later, the deputy principal came into the classroom with his arm around this boy. The deputy principal had time to find out what was happening with this kid and found out the night before the father had viciously beaten his mother and she was hospitalised. The police had been around. The whole family had been separated. Here was like a young 11 or 12 year-old who probably hardly slept that night who just witnessed his father and mother, who he depends upon, the mother he loved dearly, just viciously beaten and sent to hospital. He said, 'Now you understand why he did that.'
- The woman who fell asleep in the meditation hallStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: During Friday meditation a woman lies down, points her feet at the Buddha, falls asleep and snores — breaking every rule of etiquette — and neighbours wake her. Ajahn Brahm…
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I remember some years ago, somebody was just over there and they fell asleep during my talk and started snoring, really snoring loudly, and somebody woke them up. And I told them off afterwards, you shouldn't wake them up like that. We found out afterwards they were having horrendous domestic violence. And they came here, and they felt safe in this room. They felt so safe, they hadn't slept don't know how many days you can imagine with domestic violence, even if it's not happening to you right now the memory of that makes you so tense. You can't get a good night's sleep and they came here they felt so safe. It was the first time they've slept in I don't know how long. And I said, "let them sleep". If anyone snores here during one of my talks well done, let them sleep. You don't know where they've come from. At least they realize this feels a peaceful place and they're protected. They don't feel fear. That's actually why they slept.