# The nightmare was that I was a layman

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-novice-nightmare-was-a-layman
- Themes: ordination, happiness, belonging, dreams
- Life situations: new beginning, career change

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

In his first nights as a novice the nightmare that wakes him is that he is a layman again. Seeing his folded brown robes beside the mat, he sighs with joy, sleeps deeply — and the nightmare repeats four or five nights, confirming how happy he is at 23 in robes.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

when I first became a monk, how long ago, 37 years ago, I had nightmares. This is true. I'd wake up in a sweat, in my nightmare, this is no exaggeration, this is how much I really, really wanted to be a monk. My nightmare was I was a lay person. I thought I wasn't a monk after all. And I'd open my eyes and I'd see my robes next to the bed. Ah, I'm a monk! I really am a monk! [laughter] And I'd just go to sleep in this very peaceful deep sleep. And that was about for a week. That's how much I really loved being a monk and I never looked back. So that was my nightmare. I was terrified that I wasn't a monk

## Teaching point

Deep happiness shows up even in dreams; belonging can be felt in the body.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

As a new novice, Ajahn Brahm's recurring nightmare was that he'd become a layman again, and waking beside his folded robes he'd sigh with relief. His happiness went that deep. Decades later he expects it to keep growing. Real wealth isn't accumulated. It comes from giving up and needing less.

## Source

- [How does it feel to be a monk or a nun? | Ajahn Brahm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P13qd14T2Bs) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 0:16 to 0:58: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P13qd14T2Bs&t=16s

Other tellings of this story:

- [The Happiest Years of Your Life | Ajahn Brahm | 17 April 2020](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3I_zAh512k) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 2:11 to 3:37: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3I_zAh512k&t=131s
- [The Nature of the Mind | Ajahn Brahm | 3 May 2024](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HhV-6wQdJ8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 47:30 to 48:16: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HhV-6wQdJ8&t=2850s
- [Peace, Happiness and Virtue | Ajahn Brahm | 4 February 2022](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Acyfbeyjbk) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 30:23 to 30:52: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Acyfbeyjbk&t=1823s
- [A Buddhist Guide To Making Difficult Ethical Decisions | Ajahn Brahm | 9 Dec 2016](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX2S29J7s0I) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 16:57 to 17:14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX2S29J7s0I&t=1017s
- [Guided Meditation | Ajahn Brahm | 30 May 2026](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5YDQeyEJzI) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:10:59 to 1:12:12: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5YDQeyEJzI&t=4259s