Naked in the coffin — hell has air-con

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• The lawyer who tried to take it with him

  In brief: A dying rich lawyer, sure he can find a loophole, has his wife stash suitcases of cash in the attic above his bed so he can grab them on…

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  This really wealthy lawyer, you know, he thought he was smart. He made a lot of money. And when he got very sick and the doctor said he only had a few weeks to live, he thought, "How can I take it with me? Just because other people say you can't take it with you, I'm a lawyer. I can find loopholes so I can take it with me. So he's looking for the loophole so he could take it with him afterwards. He worked so hard to get all that money and so laying in bed having nothing else to do but think he had this brilliant idea. He told his wife he said go to the bank with my two suitcases which I usually go overseas with big suitcases. go to the bank and draw out as much money as you can from my bank account in cash. I think the biggest note is euro note, isn't it? A€,000 euro note is,000 euro notes so I can get as much money in my bags as possible. And once you brought the suitcases back, stash with millions in cash, put them in the attic just above my bed. Because my plan is when I die and I go up to heaven, I can grab the bags on my way up and take them with me. That's my plan. So the wife now, it's a waste of time arguing with husbands, especially if he's a lawyer. a waste of time. So she said, "Okay, I'll do that." So she went to the bank, got all the money out, and put them in the attic above her husband's bed, just on either side of the bed. So he went straight up. He could actually grab them. Not too far to the left, not too far to the right. She got it perfect. And a couple of days later, he died. And after doing the ceremonies for him, she went up to the attic for the first time. And of course, the bags were still there full of cash. I say, "Stupid old guy. If he'd have asked me, I'd have put the bags in the room below him cuz I know where he's gone.

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• Dying peacefully like Dad (the bus-driver joke)

  In brief: A comedian wants to die peacefully in his sleep like his father — unlike the screaming passengers on the bus his father was driving.

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  He said, "When I die, I want to die in my sleep just like my father. He died in his sleep. Not like the passengers in the bus he was driving at the time, screaming and shouting."

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• The penguin funeral (“Freeze a jolly good fellow”)

  In brief: Penguins grieve a dead friend, bury him in the ice and sing at the ceremony: “Freeze a jolly good fellow.”

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  even Penguins they have this beautiful sense of social cohesion and they have their own ceremonies when one of their members dies and apparently what happened is this penguin died and as soon as it died all its friends came around it to grieve but then after grieving for a little while they actually dug a hole in the snow in the ice and they put the dead penguin in the snow in the ice and they covered him over with the freezing ice and then afterwards they did a little ceremony for for the dead penguin their friend they sang a song free the jolly good fellow

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• The lottery shop he blessed

  In brief: Asked to bless a friend-of-a-friend's new small business, a busy Ajahn Brahm gives it his full blessing without asking what it is. A year…

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  this was of this blessing once a Friend of mine here. He said the friend of a friend one of the people who came here very often And he's moved out of Perth now. He said one of his friends was opening up a small business Can I come and bless the business for him and of course you know just a blessing is just just giving you extra energy? You know making you feel good Just like you know the your honor the grounds of the football stadium or the cricket pitch and you cheer on your team Just my father cheered me on when I was playing soccer that meant a lot to me that made lifted up my spirit So I decided to go and chant for this business But you know I do get very busy sometimes and sometimes I forget to ask what type of business is it and this was a lottery store I Won't say which which shopping center this was in but I went there just opening out first time and I Really gave it a big full blessing ajahn brahm superpower And it was only about a year later two years later. I read in the West Australian Saturday edition clue to get the Saturday paper here to find out what's going on and There was a big article about this the most successful lottery outlet in Australia And I realized oh my goodness the one that I blessed I better not bless anymore

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