Stories for difficult boss
4 Buddhist wisdom stories for difficult boss from Buddhist teachers, each linked to the original talk.
- Coffee for “the Dog”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A prisoner who hates the cruel officer he must serve coffee — the man who deliberately made another inmate miss his wife's rare visit — accepts Ajahn Brahm's challenge to serve…
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The first time, over 20 years ago, when I told this story it was when I was teaching in prison, in Karnet Prison Farm, just down the road from my monastery. We still go there most Fridays. When I was teaching that at Karnet Prison Farm one of the prisoners complained and he said, "That is just new age rubbish. It doesn't work in the real world, especially in a prison. Prisons are tough places. If you've got a difficult person you've got to stand up for yourself. That's the only language they understand." Of course, I wasn't having any of that. I said, "I don't believe you." He said, "You don't live in prison." I said, "Monastery we have cells, we have wall around." Actually, they don't have a wall around Karnet but we have a wall around our monastery. Sometimes people, in the early years, they'd actually drive all the way to Karnet Prison Farm and ask where are the monks. [laughter] It was very embarrassing. Luckily, there weren't any monks in it. But anyway, I challenged this guy, I said, "Okay, in this prison, who is the most difficult person you have to deal with?" The prisoner I challenged was with a number of other prisoners. He said, "The chief officer. The chief officer, my job is to serve him tea and coffee every day. That's my job in prison. I hate that guy. He's always really nasty." He told me a story which happened a week before. One of the prisoners in Karnet, he hardly ever had a visit from his family because it's such a hard place to get to. There's no public transport and if you're poor and haven't got a car you have to find a friend who can actually take you all that way. It's a difficult place to get to. He said this man's wife had managed to get a lift to come and see him, but before you can go and see your relations in prison you have to check in, say your name, go through all the security stuff. The chief officer had seen this woman checking in and knew that she had come to see this prisoner and decided to be cruel to the prisoner. On the PA system he said so-and-so, I've got a job for you on the other side of Karnet Prison Farm and sent him to a place where the PA system didn't reach. It's a huge prison farm. He did it on purpose because as soon as his wife had checked in the PA system announced prisoner so-and-so, your wife is here, please go to the visitor's area, but he couldn't hear it from where he'd been sent. The message was repeated two or three times. There was a search to try and find him. They did find him. By the time they found him and he came back visiting hours are over. Better luck next time. He said, "The chief officer did this on purpose with no reason other than spite and trying to give the prisoners a harder time than they deserved. That's why, in that time in prison, he was called a dog." I said, "You hate him?" He said, "Yes. Really big time. He's so difficult. He never respects us, never says anything to us. He always puts us down and treats us like dirt." I said, "Great. This is a challenge. You meet him every day serving tea and coffee. Be kind to him. Don't embrace him with your arms, you'll get in trouble that way, but at least you can embrace him with your heart." I said, "How you can do that is every time you serve a cup of tea or coffee try and put some love and care into that tea or coffee. Try and make it the most beautiful, delicious cup of coffee you possibly can make. Find out what he likes and be kind. Get lots of love and compassion whenever you serve him tea and coffee." So all credit to this prisoner, he tried it, for a week. When I came back after one week, "How is it going?" He said, "It's a complete waste of time. I'm really trying hard to be kind to this guy but every time, even if I put lots of effort into making a nice cup of tea and coffee, he completely ignores me as if I don't exist, as if I'm lower than a cockroach. He even says to the cockroach get out of here, but not me." So I told him, "Carry on." It was about, I'm not sure how long, maybe a couple of months, I had to encourage him and force him to do this, before we got what I call the big breakthrough. One day I actually came to visit and he couldn't wait to tell me this. He said, he'd made this prison officer a beautiful cup of coffee with cream or whatever he found, just the type he thought the prison officer liked, and managed to find him some biscuits which he noticed the prison officer liked, and he said, "Here you are sir, have this coffee, and I've found some special biscuits which I know you like," and the prison officer said, "Er." He grunted. That was our breakthrough. [laughter] It was the first time he acknowledged that this prisoner actually lived and existed and breathed. That grunt, I said, "Wow, this is exciting!" That is the crack in the dam wall. I was right. It was only about two or three weeks later the prisoner managed to find a special cup of tea, a sandwich or whatever, handed it to this prison officer, the chief officer, who was a dog, and the chief officer turned around and said, "Thank you." All the other prisoners were telling me this and they were all looking at me and they said, "You don't realize just how the prison grapevine works. That has gone to every prison in the state." That this chief officer could say thank you to a prisoner was unbelievable. I won the challenge. I knew I'd win eventually. Even such a dog you can change into a cuddly little puppy with lots and lots and lots of kindness.
- Coffee for the new bossStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A listener's former colleague is promoted and becomes a harsh, scolding boss. Advised by Ajahn Brahm to look at the boss's beautiful side, the woman goes up to her and simply…
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recently somebody said I'm sure they're probably here but I can't remember it was last week or two weeks ago they say they tried this with their boss in the office they just got a new boss actually the new boss was was one of their colleagues before now got promoted it's amazing when someone gets promoted they actually change from being a friend to being like a Margaret Thatcher uh you know I always remember Margaret Thatcher she said cabinet ministers there are some you can beat down there are some you can wear down and the others you grind down that's a really amazing woman grinding cabinet ministers down wo but there are some people like that in your office but instead of looking at that aspect of her boss I told her to look at her beautiful side and so this amazing woman she went to her and the boss usually being scouting at her and complaining just asked her do you want a cup of coffee I'm just going down to the coffee machine and the boss was so taken back apparently changing the attitude to a person looking at the kindness
- “Pushing the wheelbarrow is easy; thinking about it is the hard part”Story · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: Ajahn Chah asks the young monks to move a mountain of leftover earth; three days of gruelling work on one meal a day. While Ajahn Chah is away the deputy says it's in the wrong…
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My teacher Ajahn Chah had just built his hall. And there was lots of earth left over. And instead of paying people or getting earth movers to move the earth, why pay money when you've got so many slaves. Like me, young monks. In those days I was fit, I was healthy, I was handsome. Not fat and old like today. But I didn't mind helping a teacher. It was like gratitude when someone had helped you so much, you just please give me something to do, I just want to help you. And so he asked us to please move this earth, all the leftover earth to put in the place around the back. Now that was not easy. It was three days of hard slog. We'd only eat one meal a day. And you really couldn't even call it a meal. It was just subsistence rations. Just sticky rice with a frog on the top. That was one of the meals. It was rotten fish curry, it stank. It was… that's what we had to eat. Because this is what the villagers ate. There was snail soup. I remember the snail soup that was just so disgusting. Because the snails are so chewy. You know, just it's really hard to break them up. You know like those rubbers you use to erase pencils that's what it was like it reminded me of. That was one of the common ones. Or the fried crickets, the bugs, the ant soup and egg soup was very common. Or buffalo afterbirth. That was vegetarian food. Think about it. It doesn't harm the animal at all. It's just extra. But anyway, really gross food. And then from nine o'clock on till about ten o'clock in the evening shoveling earth into the wheelbarrows, pushing it you know to where it's needed to go. A huge amount of three days work. And it was so hot. It was in the jungle. And there was so many mosquitoes. And it was so tiring. You didn't have time to have dinner. There wasn't any lunch or any afternoon snacks or dinner. We only had one meal a day. Wow! Even prisoners of war never had to work that hard. And I had faith. After three days it was all finished. But you can imagine how dirty you felt, how sweaty. All your robes stank and just, you know you didn't have time for a shower. As soon as you got back to your hut you just collapsed. And you woke up in the morning, alms around, have a quick meal and bound moving the earth again. Three days of really really hard work. But it was finished and when I went to bed after the third day I thought “great! Tomorrow I can have a really good wash and wash my robes and do some meditation, just relax a bit.” but that night my master Ajahn Chah, he went to visit another monastery. Just like I'm doing tomorrow. We do those things. We visit each other, help each other out. And that morning after our breakfast, the deputy monk, he made in the announcement. He said “I've been thinking of where we put that earth. It's the wrong place,” he said. We need to move it. And you know he, that deputy monk, he never pushed a wheelbarrow. Never touched it. He was one of the bosses. You know what bosses are like. They always tell you what to do but they never do anything themselves. All full of ideas but no experience. So three more days of hard work in the jungle pushing those wheelbarrows, shoveling the earth. But I still had faith. After six days it was finished. Because the deputy monk had a point, you know. Well it was almost in the wrong place. And that night, guess what happened? Ajahn Chah came back. And the following morning after breakfast he said “I told you to put it over here. Why'd you put it over there? Move it! And it was at that point I lost my faith. I never became a monk to move wheelbarrows of earth. I came to meditate, become enlightened, you know, learn the Dhamma and… that's what I was a monk for. Not as a laborer. Not as a slave. I got very angry. And you know I did say I think in the book, it's absolutely true. You did start to swear. In English thinking that you know, the Thai monks couldn't understand you. But of course they understood. The body language showed you're really really unhappy. And that I was stressed out. I was angry. For a good reason you're being exploited. You've been taken advantage of. I was so angry and upset. And that's when one of the Thai monks came up to me and he said something which I will never forget which I've shared with thousands of people. One of the great ways of overcoming stress in life. He said to me: “pushing the wheelbarrow is easy. Thinking about it is a hard part.” you know, that was worth all of that torture. Just to learn that. Pushing the wheelbarrow is a hard part. Going to work with a terrible boss that's easy. Thinking about it is a problem. Having to do all of that job being the president of the Buddhist Society of Western Australia it's easy. Thinking about it is a hard part. And of course once I got it straight away you know that the rest of the three days went really quick. And it was fun. You know we'd have races with the other monks, you got there first. And if they beat me you know, just for a bit of revenge you know, shoveling the next bit of earth and it was oh just sorry, sorry that's of I… I didn't get it in the wheelbarrow. Got it all over your face. Shoveling over each other. Just a bit of fun and games playing around. And that was really good fun. After nine days it was finished.
- The anger-eating demonStory · Ajahn Brahm
In brief: A monster sits on the emperor's throne and grows bigger with every angry word from the guards; the returning emperor welcomes it, the court follows with kindness, and the demon…
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It's a great story of the demon who came into the emperor's palace. Demon coming into an emperor's palace, and emperor was away. Because he was away there was a monster, a big, ugly terrifying demon came and strolled right into the palace! He was so frightening, so terrifying! Everybody froze in horror at this ugly, disgusting, slimy demon, allowing the demon to go right through, into the heart of the palace and sit on the emperor's throne. As soon as he sat on the emperor's throne, that was just too much for the guards and the ministers. They came to their senses. They said, "Get out of here! Who do you think you are? This is our emperor's seat, not yours!! Get out, or else!" At those harsh words, the demon grew an inch bigger, more ugly, more smelly and the language got far worse.. That made the soldiers and ministers even more upset. They got out their swords. They got out clubs. They clenched their fists. But at every unkind word, every angry deed, even every unkind thought, the monster just grew an inch bigger, more ugly, more terrifying, more smelly, and the language from the monster got worse and worse and worse. This had been going on for quite some time before the emperor came back. At this time that demon was so huge he took up half the throne room. He was massive, and talk about ugly and frightening. I've never seen "Alien," the movie, but people said the alien is pretty terrifying. Imagine the alien, multiplied by a thousand! This was so terrifying, not even DreamWorks could manufacture such a terrifying, horrible spectacle as this ugly demon. According to the story, the smell, the stench coming off this demon's body would make maggots throw up. [laughter] It takes a lot to make a maggot sick. [laughter] And the language coming from this demon was worse! Was worse than you'd hear in Northbridge after both the Eagles and the Dockers lose. [laughter] So this was a problem, a real difficult being coming into the palace. But when the emperor came back...the reason he was emperor was he'd been to Nollamara, heard the talks and was wise. [laughter] I always change these stories every time. Embellish them this way and that way, so you can always hear a new angle. The emperor had also read "Opening the Door of Your Heart," which is available at the book shop for $25 [laughter] Ajahn: I've also learned marketing. I was at an entrepreneurship business conference this afternoon. But anyway, the emperor said, "Welcome. Oh monster, thank you so much for coming to visit me. Why have you waited such a long time to come and pay me a call?' At those few kind words, the monster grew an inch smaller, less ugly, less smelly, less offensive. All the people in the palace realized their mistake. Instead of saying, "Get out of here, you don't belong! What are you doing here? You don't belong in here!" they started to say, "Welcome." One of them said, "Actually, do you want something to drink? We've got some orange juice, freshly squozen." Squeezed...squozen? I don't know, who cares? [laughter] Ajahn: "Would you like something to eat? We've got some nice curry puffs." Are they available this evening? I don't know, I didn't see what's out there. "They got some curry puffs. We've got some sandwiches." Someone said, "Would you like a pizza? I can ring up. Monster size of course for someone like you." [laughter] Ajahn: Someone gave the monster a foot massage. Have you ever had a foot massage? Imagine a monster, with such big feet. It took about 10 of them to give each foot a massage. Someone else, "Do you want a cup of tea? We have English tea. We have peppermint. It's good for your health. Or a cup of coffee? Latte, cappuccino, or Brazilian?" I don't really know what I'm talking about with coffee. [laughter] I just drink whatever I'm given. Ajahn: So anyway, at every kind word or kind deed or kind thought the demon grew an inch smaller, less ugly, less offensive, less smelly. It wasn't such a long time even before the monster's pizza arrived he was back down to the size when he first began, when he first came in. They kept laying on the kindness until that demon got so tiny one more act of kindness and that demon vanished completely away.