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• A terrible retreat — he only got the first jhāna

  In brief: A retreatant complains his retreat is terrible because he can only reach the first jhāna, not the second. Ajahn Brahm: one jhāna is more…

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  this guy who came up to me once and said he's having a terrible retreat. He can only get into the first genre. He can't get into the second. This is crazy stuff. If you know what the jas are, there's deep meditation. You're blissing out. Just one janna is more than good enough

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• The mouldy hay outside the fence

  In brief: A stingy farmer wants to get rid of last year's mouldy hay. His cows won't touch it in the paddock, and when he mixes it with good hay…

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  the farmer with moldy hay. A long time ago, this Aussie farmer had a whole lot of hay, which was from last year, which was moldy. And of course, trying to save costs, he wanted to give it to his cows before he would give them the new hey. But the cows they knew that was moldy old hay. So, would they eat any of it? No, they refuse to eat it. So, plan number two - let's mix it up with the good hay, the new hay, the moldy hay, and the new hay, mix it all up together and the cows won't know what's what and they'll eat it all. That way he gets rid of the old hay. And the cows were much smarter than the farmer, they just with a nose pushed the old hay to one side, pushed the new hay to the other side, and ate the new hay. It is just like the kangaroos in Bodhinyana Monastery in Serpentine. Because when we go on retreat, we take food, the food that is given to us, we got all this food, the monks give us far too much, and a lot of time we put the excess food out for the kangaroos. Now people might say oh, that's bad for the kangaroos. Ask the kangaroos! They don't think it's bad, they love it. As I remember the first time I did that. You care for the animals, so you give them some healthy food, some carrots and lettuce and some apples and stuff. But I couldn't believe the first time I did that, had this really healthy food there for the kangaroos, they, with their nose, they pushed aside the carrot, they pushed aside the lettuce, you know what they went for? The pizza! They did! They left all the healthy food, they loved pizza. And I think this is the only kangaroos in the whole of Australia who get pizza. The kangaroos in a Buddhist monastery It is their good karma to be reborn in a Buddhist monastery. They get pizza, no other kangaroos get that. And they like it, they love it, so good on them. And some of those kangaroos that they know the monks now. Because the monks are just so kind, you know, and so sort of gentle. I remember that happened to me once - you put your bowl just outside the door, you just go inside to get something, and before you know it, the kangaroo has got his nose in your bowl. That's your one meal of the day. And he's getting the first choice - going to bowl, looking what he wants. It is nice to be with animals, but anyway. So the cows pushed aside the hay that didn´t want and ate the hay they did want. So, he was still left with all this moldy hay and didn't know what to do next. Until he got a brainwave, an insight; he should have done this to start with. If ever you go into the countryside, and you see cows in a field or sheep in a field, have you ever noticed there's always a fence around to keep the cows away from the road. But the cows or the sheep love putting their head through the fences. And eating the grass just on the other side of the fence. You always see that well eaten, well grazed. So, what he did? Very simple solution: he put all the moldy hay, not in the paddock, but outside of the paddock. Away from the fence, but just far enough, if they really stretch, they could just get it. And the moldy hay was gone in a day. Anything which is forbidden, anything which you don't know, anything, which is just on the other side of your fence.... is very delicious. I know that people did once say that hunger is the best sauce. No, that's not the best sauce. Being forbidden is the best sauce

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• Imprisoned in a six-star hotel

  In brief: On a conference tour in Japan, his hosts put Ajahn Brahm in what he later hears was a six-star hotel room. He's afraid to touch the taps…

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  I remember going this one time and I was giving some talks in Japan and going to I'm not sure if it's possible because I couldn't speak Japanese, but this hotel, it looked like it was a six-star hotel. It was crazy. We was just, you know, going to give a series of talks and conferences and stuff when I got inside of there in this hotel and I don't know if you know the Japanese culture said, "Please, we want you to be in here because we want to know where you are." It was a bit of a conference and so had to make sure I was in the right place. And then just I was inside this and I thought this is like a prison for me. I'm a monk. I'm not used to hotels. They had this big bath and a jacuzzi or something. I never been in one of those before. I own too scared to turn on any tap cuz any button or something. If I turned it on, I don't know what would happen. And of course, being a monk, you can't turn on the TV. That's against our rules. And the beds not like beds we have in in Serpentine where monastery where I live. And let many of you been inside my place where I live. And it's just it's not a bed. It's just a mat on the floor about that that thick. That's happy for me. I don't if you put me on big bed, it's very hard to fall asleep. And a small bed is very very easy and comfortable for me. And so what am I doing with this big beds? They're buttons on them. I don't know what to do with those buttons. I must admit though, when I went inside the toilet in this fancy hotel, I well, I couldn't resist pressing the buttons and see what happened. It was crazy. They don't have toilet paper. They just press a button and something squirts out in the right place. And sometimes it's in the wrong place, but never mind. [laughter] you get it hot and cold and all sorts of stuff. It was good fun. But then after a while I said, can't I just have a simple place to stay and it was one thing which I noticed that it was obviously that somebody paid a lot of money for me to spend a night in this hotel. It was part of a conference tour and and I was thought I don't want to be in here. I just want to be a nice little cave know where I stay in serpentine or under just over here just a nice little room. You don't need all this special stuff. And you know after a few minutes I didn't want to be in there. I want to get something else more simple. It's just too elaborate for me. They had many sort of TVs in there. Obviously didn't know which one to turn on. I didn't turn any on. And after a while I realized that I was suffering. You know what was probably I think I heard later on it was a sixstar room in the hotel. Six star. Have you ever been in a six-star hotel room? It really sucks. It's terrible. If you're a [laughter] monk, why on earth? And I realized that what is suffering is not if it's a six-star hotel or if it's just out in the bush somewhere. Any place you don't want to be is called suffering. Any place, even a six-star hotel, any place you like to be, you can feel something nice, beautiful, or simple, or whatever it is. If you want to be here, then you're free. you're happy. If you don't want to be here, you are in a prison.

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• The prisoner who fed the cat

  In brief: A depressed prisoner insists he is only a bad person. Ajahn Brahm has him list bad deeds on the left of a sheet and good deeds on the…

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  there was one of these prisoners who just so depressed? And when I said, why are you depressed? Look, I'm in jail. I did a bad thing. I feel so terrible. This my life is over. Finished. And then usually I asked him, well, what good things have you done? Nothing. You must have done something good. No, I'm a bad person. And then and then he he uh wrote out I wrote out this piece of paper line down the middle your name on the top. Now on the left hand side write all the bad I won't show it to anybody else. Write down all the bad things you've done. Things which you put been put in jail for and things which you did but weren't put in jail for. Put them all down. They won't show them to anybody else. He trusted me. That's one of the nice things about being a monk. People actually trust you and you know if that's what you say that's what you're going to do. So he wrote all these things on the left hand column all the terrible stuff he'd done. He felt good about confessing opening up. But then I asked him on the right hand side all the good things you've done. Nothing. No. Come on. You must have done something. The prison had a cat and I knew that he looked after the cat. Did you give the cat anything this morning? Said I gave it source of milk. Put it down. Had to force him to put down and write down. Fed the cat saucer of milk. But then he found another thing you could put down afterwards. Once you break that damn wall, it was amazing all the kind good things he'd done that past week. And you filled up the right hand side of that piece of paper. You know what I did next? tore that paper down the middle, threw away all the terrible things he did, and gave him the good things he did. Please keep this. Put it next to your bed in your cell. Photocopy if you like, but please keep that to realize you're not such a bad person after all

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