# 'She'll do'

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-young-monk-she-will-do
- Themes: romance, craving, honesty, monastic life
- Life situations: infatuation, loneliness, dating

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A now-senior monk honestly admits that as a young monk he'd sit in the temple and find himself eyeing a girl who came in — not particularly attractive, mousy hair — and think, 'She'll do.' That insight kept him a monk: what he wanted wasn't the person but the feeling of romance.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

one of the monks who is a great Monk and he when he was a young monk you he was very honest and he used to come and tell us he said yeah you know it's a young mug we're not supposed to like girls you know we're supposed to be monastic but he said sometimes he was sitting in the temple and this girl would come in and he start looking at her and you know she wasn't that beautiful you know her hair was mousy flat breasted not particularly not particularly attracted but he said she'll do and now was a wonderful Insight that m c he's still a monk because he realized what was going on

## Teaching point

Romantic craving projects onto whoever is available; it's the feeling we're chasing, not the person.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A young monk caught himself eyeing an ordinary girl in the temple and thinking 'she'll do'. The insight kept him a monk: he wanted the feeling of romance, not her. Worth noticing in any relationship. Are you loving the person, or chasing the excitement? Real love grows from seeing someone as they are.

## Source

- [Get Real | Ajahn Brahm | 12-06-2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1o51NPCk-U) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 9:14 to 10:01: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1o51NPCk-U&t=554s