# Suicide is stuffing up one exam question

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-tee-suicide-one-bad-question
- Themes: suicide, grief, rebirth, compassion, judgment
- Life situations: bereavement by suicide, spiritual panic after a death

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Parents who used to come to Friday talks lost a child to suicide just before the TEE exams. Ajahn Brahm frames a life like an exam of many papers and questions: stuffing up one question does not mean failing the whole; do not judge a rebirth or a person only by the ending, and reject 'they're going to hell' talk.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

there was one I don't know if the parents are here this evening. They used to come most evenings. Uh they uh their kid uh committed suicide just before the TEE exams. Uh he's doing very well. There was no reason why he We don't still don't know why people commit suicide, but there it was. Committed suicide. And of course, they were very distraught. And I said, "Look, in the "How many papers in each subject? Two." I didn't really know where I was going with this. But so, that's 10 papers. Maybe say five questions in each paper. So, that's 50 questions decide whether you're going to get to university or not. So, you've got 50 questions. If you stuff up one question, does that mean you're not going to go to university? Of course not. So, committing suicide is stuffing up one question. But keep that in perspective of everything else you've done in your life. So, you can't measure a person's life just by the ending. Yeah, they committed suicide. It's a stupid thing to do. But what about all the other things they did in their life? Does that count for nothing? Of course it doesn't. So, when you look at their whole life, not just the ending, their whole life, they're probably really good person. They did a lot of kindness, a lot of love, a lot of a nice person to be around. But you know, they the last question in the exam, they they messed up that answer. But the rest of the questions were perfect. So, such a person would get a good rebirth. But if they've lived a terrible life and been selfish and hurtful and cheated on everybody and everything else, then it doesn't matter how they end their life, they're still going to have a bad rebirth. So, don't just judge a life by the way it ended. The life is bigger than the end. Much bigger. And anyway, sometimes you don't know why a person did these things. So, I It's very hard to judge. What I really don't like is people who say, "Suicide, therefore you're going to go to hell. It's the worst thing to do. It's a bad thing. I don't know where people get those ideas from. It's already bad enough if a loved one has committed suicide and you hear those other stupid people go along and say, "Oh, they're going to go to hell, it's a bad thing to do." That makes it so much worse and it's untrue. So, look at the whole life, not just the ending. And trust a good person will get a good rebirth.

## Teaching point

A whole life is bigger than its ending; cruel afterlife talk only deepens the family's pain.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Parents lost their child to suicide just before final exams. Ajahn Brahm likened a life to a long exam: getting one question badly wrong doesn't mean failing everything. Ignore cruel talk about punishment after death; a good person deserves a good rebirth. If you feel that low, please talk to someone or call a crisis line.

## Source

- [Trust | Ajahn Brahm | 01-04-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ4r0C3IcWU) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 57:20 to 59:59: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ4r0C3IcWU&t=3440s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Understanding suicide | Ajahn Brahm | 06-02-2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqPCMJH5Emk) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 50:45 to 51:33: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqPCMJH5Emk&t=3045s
- [4) Dealing with suicide](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2zOZDTLxrM) (BSWA Retreats 2011-15 & Media) — watch from 1:07 to 4:18: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2zOZDTLxrM&t=67s