# The ninth wedding

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-sumedho-friend-ninth-marriage
- Themes: marriage, romance, suffering, divorce
- Life situations: remarriage, serial relationships, divorce

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Visiting Seattle, Ajahn Sumedho meets an old school friend who invites him to her wedding — her ninth, or so. Why? She loves meeting a new man, dating, falling in love, the proposal on one knee, planning the wedding, the dress and the dewy-eyed vows. 'It's what happens afterwards I don't like.'

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

It's one of the stories which Ajahn Sumedho told me a long time ago. He went to visit his home in Seattle where he was brought up, and he caught up with an old school friend of his. And the old school friend, oh great, you're here, I'm just about to get married, please come to my marriage ceremony. He said, you're getting old now, why are you getting married? No, this is not my first marriage, this is my ninth, or something like that. He said, why are you getting married again nine times? She said, well look, it's like this, I like meeting a new guy, dating, it's really exciting, and then falling in love, and that moment when he goes down on one knee and he proposes. I love that moment, it's just so beautiful, so romantic, and planning the wedding, getting all the guests in and a nice dress, I love that stuff. And the wedding itself, we look at each other with just really dewy eyes, smiling, he looks so handsome, and I have to dress up, look so beautiful, and we exchange our vows. That is so beautiful. I love that. It's what happens afterwards I don't like.

## Teaching point

Single, married or monastic, each life has its own suffering; changing partners just swaps one for another.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Ajahn Sumedho's old school friend was marrying for about the ninth time; she loved the courting and the wedding, and didn't like what came after. Ajahn Brahm can see her point. Single, married or monastic, every life has its own kind of suffering. Changing the setup won't remove it, so make peace with the one you have.

## Source

- [Am I Good Enough? | Ajahn Brahm | 28 April 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2mWuCk70Ck) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 58:31 to 59:51: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2mWuCk70Ck&t=3511s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Get Real | Ajahn Brahm | 12-06-2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1o51NPCk-U) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 10:12 to 11:18: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1o51NPCk-U&t=612s