# The woman who fell asleep in the meditation hall

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-snoring-lady-safe-place
- Themes: compassion, rules, safety, judgement
- Life situations: domestic violence, judging others, exhaustion, rules versus kindness

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

During Friday meditation a woman lies down, points her feet at the Buddha, falls asleep and snores — breaking every rule of etiquette — and neighbours wake her. Ajahn Brahm changes his talk: she was a victim of domestic violence who hadn't slept for days, and here, for the first time in weeks, she felt safe enough to relax.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I remember some years ago, somebody was just over there and they fell asleep during my talk and started snoring, really snoring loudly, and somebody woke them up. And I told them off afterwards, you shouldn't wake them up like that. We found out afterwards they were having horrendous domestic violence. And they came here, and they felt safe in this room. They felt so safe, they hadn't slept don't know how many days you can imagine with domestic violence, even if it's not happening to you right now the memory of that makes you so tense. You can't get a good night's sleep and they came here they felt so safe. It was the first time they've slept in I don't know how long. And I said, "let them sleep". If anyone snores here during one of my talks well done, let them sleep. You don't know where they've come from. At least they realize this feels a peaceful place and they're protected. They don't feel fear. That's actually why they slept.

## Teaching point

Real etiquette is compassion and sensitivity, not rules that control people.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A woman broke every rule of the meditation hall, lying down with her feet toward the Buddha and snoring, and Ajahn Brahm said to let her sleep. She had found, for once, a place where she felt safe. Before you judge someone's manners, remember you don't know where they've come from. Real etiquette is making people feel safe.

## Source

- [Buddhism and Atheism | Ajahn Brahm | 16-04-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRutmoPEWaQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 48:03 to 49:06: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRutmoPEWaQ&t=2883s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Kamma without Belief | by Ajahn Brahm | 06 January 2012](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJTCZ1izujg) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 30:18 to 31:30: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJTCZ1izujg&t=1818s
- ['Out of Control' | by Ajahn Brahm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEnU5BBr_7Y) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 37:00 to 38:38: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEnU5BBr_7Y&t=2220s
- [Dealing with addictions | by Ajahn Brahm | 19 June 2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9eiGPAIyK8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 41:35 to 42:27: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9eiGPAIyK8&t=2495s
- [Relax. Everything's out of control! | by Ajahn Brahm | 26 June 2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zY6Q-OnMTEE) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 14:13 to 15:39: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zY6Q-OnMTEE&t=853s
- [Expectations Cause Suffering | Ajahn Brahm | 24 June 2022](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z8q_FWbWa8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 39:32 to 40:44: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Z8q_FWbWa8&t=2372s
- [Forms of Love In Buddhism | Ajahn Brahm | 26-11-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvo5G0WbWSs) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 46:37 to 47:53: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvo5G0WbWSs&t=2797s
- [Learn to Not Blame Yourself | Ajahn Brahm | 25 May 2018](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNBuRBzCJrY) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 18:28 to 20:20: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNBuRBzCJrY&t=1108s
- [How to Lessen the Stress | Ajahn Brahm | 29 March 2019](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSUdHhvVBfI) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:07 to 1:57: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSUdHhvVBfI&t=67s
- [Power of Kindness | Ajahn Brahm | 22 October 2021](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHXlaUjymZU) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:07:33 to 1:09:11: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHXlaUjymZU&t=4053s
- [Lower Your Expectations | Ajahn Brahm | 24 Nov 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qtxgvH_e1Y) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 10:50 to 12:14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qtxgvH_e1Y&t=650s
- [Why? Is an Important Question to Ask | Ajahn Brahm | 1 January 2021](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3v0vceM7-0) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 10:46 to 13:13: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3v0vceM7-0&t=646s
- [Buddhist Values | Ajahn Brahm | 08-01-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpbWVaXBV4c) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 20:40 to 21:23: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpbWVaXBV4c&t=1240s
- [Vibe | Ajahn Brahm | 20 October 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G00nJgXX6y0) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 15:11 to 16:02: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G00nJgXX6y0&t=911s
- [Justice | Ajahn Brahm | 14-10-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mACT5JL4qNI) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 20:17 to 20:56: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mACT5JL4qNI&t=1217s
- [Buddhism & Autonomy | Ajahn Brahm | 28-01-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cayVaYJK9ww) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 6:28 to 7:03: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cayVaYJK9ww&t=388s
- [Virtue and Kindness | Ajahn Brahm | 30 May 2025](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y529kJC6opI) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 5:33 to 6:46: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y529kJC6opI&t=333s
- [Sorry | Ajahn Brahm | 25 June 2021](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_oPsdTBwcU) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 5:10 to 6:35: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_oPsdTBwcU&t=310s
- [Guided Meditation | Ajahn Brahm | 8 July 2023](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BSTZS4VF7Q) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:22:41 to 1:23:31: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BSTZS4VF7Q&t=4961s
- [Vesak Day (Afternoon) | 11 May 2025](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T123BDNTy4Q) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 3:20 to 4:32: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T123BDNTy4Q&t=200s