# Best friends on the school bus

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-schoolgirls-on-bus-fault-finding
- Themes: criticism, self-esteem, adolescence, body image
- Life situations: teenage insecurity, body image worries, critical friends, parenting teenagers

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

On a bus home from teaching at a school, Ajahn Brahm sits behind two 13- or 14-year-old best friends whose whole conversation is picking faults: flat chest, no boyfriend; big nose, no boyfriend either.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I was on a bus coming back from, I think was teaching at a school, coming back here. And just sitting behind two girls, maybe about 13 or 14, on the way back from school, best friends, and listening to what they were saying. I was overhearing them sitting right behind them, and listen to their conversation. I wasn't so shocked, because it reminded me of my school days, the conversation went something like you've got flat, flat breasts, you're never gonna get a boyfriend, but you got a big nose, you're not gonna get one either. And it always came picking faults in one another. And these were the best friends.

## Teaching point

Constant criticism, even from friends, is how many people grow up believing something is wrong with them.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Two best friends on a school bus spend the whole ride listing each other's flaws. Ajahn Brahm hears his own school days in it, and the root of so much low self-worth. You may still carry those voices. Try being the friend who says what is good about someone, out loud, without waiting for romance to do it.

## Source

- [How to deal with rejection and lack of self-worth | Ajahn Brahm | 30-01-2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enFEj7wKrnM) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 35:02 to 35:40: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enFEj7wKrnM&t=2102s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Changing our attitudes to who we think we are | Ajahn Brahm | 17 Jul 2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1ldT6MBEP8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 14:41 to 15:26: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1ldT6MBEP8&t=881s
- [Just Praise | Ajahn Brahm | 18-11-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWpaj3Ptzic) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 8:21 to 8:40: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWpaj3Ptzic&t=501s
- [How to Deal with Blame | Ajahn Brahm | 6 December 2019](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgqytieFvqI) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 3:22 to 4:01: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgqytieFvqI&t=202s