# Raise them honest and questioning

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-raise-child-honest-and-questioning
- Themes: parenting, honesty, questioning, education, faith
- Life situations: raising a child, religious doubt, wanting integrity

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

An English Buddhist couple ask a monk how to bring up their first child without brainwashing — Buddhist, no religion, or every religion? The advice Ajahn Brahm repeats: raise the child to be honest and questioning. Honesty filters nonsense; questioning leaves only what survives challenge. Bend faith to fit facts, never the reverse.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

That is why this is one of those stories of I This was one of my friends a long time ago over in England. A Buddhist English family, Caucasians, had their first child and they asked him, "How should we bring up our child? Should we teach him to be a Buddhist? Or should we teach him no religion? Or should we teach him every religion? We're confused. I don't want to brainwash my kid cuz I was brainwashed. And I want to How do you bring up a child to have a good ethical foundation? And a monk gave this very brilliant advice, which I've repeated to other people. Bring up your child to be one, honest, and two, questioning. And if you encourage that in your child, honesty, it means that they will never deceive themselves believing something which is ridiculous. Truth will be so important to them that even religious statements, they would check out if it doesn't make sense, doesn't matter who said it, they'd reject it. Honesty will be one of the greatest uh filters of truth for misinformation. And secondly, questioning will always be challenging, challenging, challenging until they found out once they've questioned and challenged what's left. More they're questioning and challenging, which they can honestly believe in, that will be the truth. And that would be the best way to to encourage a child's religious or spiritual development as it is yours as well. Please always question and be honest. If you don't agree with it, say so. Don't believe it just cuz I say so. Don't believe it if everyone else in the world except you says so. No, don't believe it. Be honest with yourself there. If it really is true, you feel it is true, even if it goes against your beliefs, if it feels true and is true, change your beliefs. Never bend the facts to fit your faith, bend your faith to fit the facts. That's honesty. So that way, that is how good teachers teach. They don't teach you what to believe. They teach you to be honest and also to question.

## Teaching point

Good teachers do not hand down beliefs; they train honesty and the courage to question.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A Buddhist couple asked how to raise their child without brainwashing. The advice Ajahn Brahm treasures: bring them up honest and questioning. Honesty filters out nonsense; questioning keeps only what survives. Never bend the facts to fit your faith. Bend your faith to fit the facts.

## Source

- [Oh What A Relief! | by Ajahn Brahm | 16-05-2013](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_3cozc023Y) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 49:09 to 51:32: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_3cozc023Y&t=2949s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Dealing With a Loved Ones's Suffering | Ajahn Brahm | 05-11-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO-I2TBeOV4) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 10:05 to 11:54: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO-I2TBeOV4&t=605s
- [Bringing Up Children | Ajahn Brahm | 09-12-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANrqHO24Ttw) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 3:05 to 4:18: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANrqHO24Ttw&t=185s
- [Guided Meditation | Ajahn Brahm | 14 May 2022](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4SDLt1-8LQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:01:01 to 1:01:48: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4SDLt1-8LQ&t=3661s