# Two monks tell each other who they are

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-rains-retreat-monks-describe-each-other
- Themes: identity, self-image, friendship
- Life situations: low self-esteem, self-doubt, feedback from others

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

After a three-month rains retreat together, Ajahn Brahm and another Western monk sit down and tell each other what they think of each other. The description he hears of himself is totally different from how he sees himself — and his companion is just as gobsmacked by his.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I did a lovely experiment after when I was a monk I was spending three months in the range retreat with another Western Monk and at the end of The Retreat we sat down and we told each other what we thought of each other now honestly two monks and I was listening to his opinion of who he thought I was and it was totally different to anything I ever expected to see myself I heard myself described in another person's eyes that was not what I thought of myself and I did the same to him and he was gobsmacked too

## Teaching point

Who we think we are is often far from the truth, yet those assumptions lock us in.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

After three months together, two monks told each other honestly how they saw one another, and each was gobsmacked. Ajahn Brahm heard himself described as someone he didn't recognise. The fixed picture you have of yourself may be far from true. Hold it loosely; it might be the very thing that stops you being happy.

## Source

- [Changing our attitudes to who we think we are | Ajahn Brahm | 17 Jul 2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1ldT6MBEP8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 18:14 to 18:53: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1ldT6MBEP8&t=1094s