# “Can you tell my parents for me?”

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-pregnant-teen-afraid-of-parents
- Themes: parenting, fear, forgiveness, teenagers
- Life situations: teen pregnancy, children hiding problems, parent–child trust

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A girl who has come to the Perth temple since she was a toddler comes to Ajahn Brahm at 16 or 17: she's pregnant by her boyfriend and hasn't told her parents — “they'll kill me.” She asks him to tell them. He goes to the parents: kids make mistakes; she's a good girl who got into trouble; she doesn't need to be afraid of you — she needs your help and support.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

she'd been coming to the temple since she was 1 or 2 years of age playing making a racket and a noise as kids do that's why you know please bring your kids to the temples let them get familiar with the monks sometimes playing with them but means when she got to 16 or 17 she came to see me said hmm I'm in trouble there was a trouble I'm pregnant with my boyfriend and I said have you told your mum and dad yet said no that's why I've come to you can you please tell them for me so why don't you tell them they'll kill me and she was scared of her parents she thought she'd be punished so she wanted me to be the intermediary so I went to the parents look kids make mistakes she's a good girl but she's got herself into trouble don't know why could be peer pressure you know she lost her her mind for us because if she liked her boyfriend one thing led to another and then now she's pregnant she doesn't need to be afraid of you she needs your help and support children make mistakes

## Teaching point

Don't let your children fear you; offer an 'amnesty' so they'll come to you when they're in big trouble.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A pregnant sixteen-year-old was too frightened to tell her parents, so Ajahn Brahm told them for her: she needs your help, not your anger. Children bring small troubles home and hide the big ones if they fear us. Tell yours now that they can come to you with anything. Disappointment passes; their trust is what keeps them safe.

## Source

- [The Importance of Meditation | Ajahn Brahm | 07 Nov 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDoKJJdevvg) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:56:05 to 1:57:21: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDoKJJdevvg&t=6965s

Other tellings of this story:

- [How to React to Life | Ajahn Brahm | 30 June 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhLQy4iMDl4) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 28:42 to 29:16: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhLQy4iMDl4&t=1722s
- [Bringing Up Children | Ajahn Brahm | 09-12-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANrqHO24Ttw) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 23:56 to 24:19: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANrqHO24Ttw&t=1436s
- [Making Decisions | Ajahn Brahm | 19 February 2021](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pELi1VJlj-0) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 26:51 to 27:29: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pELi1VJlj-0&t=1611s
- [Spirituality | Ajahn Brahm | 3 March 2023](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIXzLo69-Hc) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 25:30 to 26:37: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIXzLo69-Hc&t=1530s